(Scott) Oh, right LA Confidential. I knew I've seen him in something.
(Scott) By the way, I think I may have seen Jude Law in a movie. Was he in I Heart Huckabees?
(Joe) ... and Jack has an extensive pain lexicon.

(Joe) Bob Hanssen was a chump, by the way -- definitely not a bad-ass.
(Chris) Oh please ... Look at that picture on WIkipedia
(Chris) He was a hard-ass
(Scott) Hard ass?
(Joe) Great, he was good at tradecraft. The movie is about a ninja, a ghost.
(Chris)
(Joe) Knew how to use chalk. What a chump.
(Chris) img src="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Robert_Hanssen.jpg"
(Joe) Knew how to use chalk. What a chump.
(Joe) Chris, seriously.
(Chris) Thought I'd try
(Scott) What did you think would happen?
(Scott) 11:51

Chris broke this post with his image tag. Sorry for the delay.

(Scott) The two of you. Keep an eye on all of the exits and entrances for that three dimensional building. It's a thought experiment.
(Scott) We can do the exits, but not the entrances.
(Scott) Space invader music . . .
(Joe) Jack's lost weight.
(Scott) Or is that the catepillar music.
(Joe) Oh, the torture.
(Chris) Have you ever seen him eat?
(Joe) "Some kind of electronic shredding trail."
(Scott) Electronic shredding trail . . .
(Joe) STFU, mofo!
(Scott) When did that happen?
(Scott) Elegra Global
(Joe) 'Ooh, Reader's Digest Condensed Books!'
(Scott) Cousin Ira?
(Joe) Lost a step in the prison camp.
(Joe) 'Know him?' "Yeah, he's my son."
(Joe) "That'll do pig. That
(Joe) "That'll do pig. That'll do."
(Joe) McCarthy
(Joe) Andrew McCarthy's not here.
(Joe) 11:55
(Scott) That scene wasn't as dramatic as the previews billed it to be . . .
(Joe) "The second you knew the bombs were missing..."
(Scott) Is Jack going to cry?
(Joe) "I'm just trying to keep my son out of prison..." -- Yeah, you're great at that.
(Joe) "For now, keep Graham out of it."
(Joe) "We're talking about prison, here."
(Joe) "How about when Dad needed you and you disappeared."
(Joe) "Protecting family is everything..."
(Scott) I think your dead wife would agree . . .
(Joe) Are they listening to themselves?
(Chris) Do you think this is what it is like with George and Jeb?
(Joe) You work for me!
(Joe) Don't expect a Christmas bonus. And your performance review will reflect this, of that you can be sure.
(Scott) So . . . if his brother really wants Jack dead . . . now's kind of the time . . .
(Joe) "Text me everything you got on him."
(Joe) (h3 is l33t. h3 w1ll 0Wn j00)
(Chris) The country of Palm Springs
(Scott) Zombies?
(Joe) C'mon, Jack. Use some newly-learned Eastern mysticism.
(Joe) They have a paddy wagon?
(Scott) Well, his dad is clearly Irish.
(Joe) Sorry, Dad. What did you think all of these acoutrements were for?
(Joe) And frankly, you always turn out to be bad. Or did you ever tell me about Rollo Tomasi?

(Chris) The Bourne Identity?
(Chris) oh .. The Breach
(Scott) Aldrich Ames?
(Joe) Wow, a movie/product/car Jack Bauer would watch/use/crash.
(Joe) No, Ames was just annoying.
(Scott) Yeah, I completely see a loser like this, and I think, man I want some Dr Pepper.
(Joe) They made it up. I can't think of any field operatives that turned...
(Scott) I'm pretty sure they said it was based on a true story.
(Scott) Don't tell me you believed the Kangaroo story, but not this.
(Joe) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Hanssen
(Scott) Heh, I like that in this commercial where the woman show the tax guy how to fill out the form, that it says "Experiences vary" in the lower left corner.
(Joe) "Hanssen was a supernumerary member of Opus Dei."
(Scott) 11:40
(Joe) 'Either you suck at math, or you're going to die in two seconds.'
(Scott) Heh, super terrorist. Is he in a black kia?
(Scott) No? How about this Chevette?
(Chris) He doesn't look suspicious at all
(Joe) Why is she holding a phone like that? They have titanium widgets to hold her car keys and a multi-billion dollar phone network. Cisco must really be terrible.
(Scott) Why does this guy have all of the tattoos (it's possible I brought that up earlier . . .)
(Joe) Toyota paid extra for that... Jack: "No, I'll never dodge
(Joe) Toyota paid extra for that... Jack: "No, I'll never drive a Dodge. They explode if you turn on the radio."
(Scott) This guy Wall-eed
(Chris) oh by the way you can put the phone back
(Joe) You can put the phone back.
(Chris) sorry i just went out for a coffee break
(Scott) This guy Wall-eed is totally dying. (stupid line breaks)
(Joe) My name is Wall-eed. Oh, sorry, you said it right.
(Chris) Skull ?
(Scott) Hey! The Net!
(Chris) Clearly nefarious
(Joe) What's up with the skull animation?
(Scott) The cache had a Web page . . .
(Joe) That can't be IE-compatible. PNG alpha? Yeah, right.
(Joe) They say this country is about freedom.
(Joe) You -- you took it.
(Joe) He's totally going to get it.
(Scott) Search him . . .
(Joe) "You're worse than they are."
(Scott) Mayhem!
(Scott) He doesn't really look bad . ..
(Joe) 11:47:seventy-eighty-Q

(Scott) 11:31
(Scott) I borrowed two of her processes to run a batch job?
(Joe) I borrowed two of her processors. Doing a batch job.
(Scott) So she's running at 20%.
(Scott) I think the math may be off a bit.
(Joe) The 40% processor kind
(Joe) That's illegal!
(Scott) Oh, right. Maybe 45 and a 35.
(Joe) Although THIS SHOW IS OUT ON DVD.
(Scott) The president is on the set of lost?
(Joe) I blue-flagged some things I should have tab-indexed.
(Scott) Do not forget to push the button.
(Joe) "I cannot elaborate."
(Scott) "Locking horns"
(Joe) Karen, that is unacceptable.
(Joe) "I'm sorry, Karen, I can not accept your resignation."
(Chris) I know what she's going through
(Joe) "You have been your own Gail."
(Joe) Reynolds?
(Scott) Karen's a bit of a pushover, resigning like this.
(Joe) Glycerine.
(Chris) I said the same thing to my boss when I tried to resign
(Joe) "Is there anything I can do to change you mind?"
(Joe) "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"
(Scott) She's getting reassigned to LA. She'll be there withing the hour.
(Joe) Are those library security gates?
(Scott) Black smoke! The others are coming.
(Scott) She picked his pocket.
(Joe) Why did Hitler McYouth run into Karen? If he swiped anything...
(Joe) 11:36:24

(Scott) The clock on the circuit city commercials has an entirely different tone.
(Scott) There's no way I'd watch this show if the clock sounded like that.
(Joe) What do fans of 24 love? Ellen Degeneres talking to animals!
(Joe) Paula, Paula, Paula.
(Joe) Yeah, that Jennifer Aniston sucks.
(Scott) Not sure what that monkey is doing in his lap . . .
(Joe) There are no follow-up jokes I'm comfortable posting/
(Scott) I cannot express how little I like Verizon DSL.
(Joe) Mmmn, fish!
(Joe) And monster trucks!
(Joe) I think I speak for all Americans by asking: Where the hell is Bigfoot? Who's Grave Digger?

(Scott) British guys are rather nasty. They should drink more coffee.
(Joe) Have you found an engineer?
(Scott) Have you found an engineer? No, everyone around here seems to have good hygiene.
(Chris) http://www.starbucks.com/
(Scott) Have you found an engineer? No, everyone here make eye contact.
(Joe) Quick, where's the nearest place you can get Lego blocks in bulk?
(Joe) Why are you backed up?
(Scott) Have you found an engineer? No, there are no spock ears in sight.
(Joe) I have to login redundantly.
(Scott) I got a million of them folks.
(Joe) 'Sorry, I'm obviously the mole this season. Sorry.'
(Scott) Milo has traded all of the chocolate for egyptian cotton.
(Joe) "Sir, I'm the Technical Leader on the floor."
(Scott) Do they really have everyone's ethnicity on file?
(Joe) She's a registered Republican. That's way better than if she was a nuke-loving member of the Democrat (sic) party
(Scott) When the Scotish terrorists strike, I may have a problem.
(Joe) Tom Lennox. Sounds like Al Qaieda.
(Scott) Why are asking so many questions, Narc?
(Joe) Why are you asking so many questions? 'What the f*** else are we going to do? The Italians took over the bocce balls.'
(Scott) My bank just sent me an e-mail titled "Check out our Enhancements" . . . seriously . . .
(Joe) "Yo, know where I can score some blow?"
(Scott) Rob Lowe?
(Chris) Close enough
(Scott) He's breaking up with Karen.
(Joe) I've put the screws to them? Don't the neo-cons know something about message discipline?
(Scott) It's not me, it's you.
(Joe) "What are you smoking?" Hippie.
(Chris) Blue coded?
(Scott) Karen is at a bit of a disadvantage as Buchanan is a mole.
(Scott) Do you want to get in the ring with me?
(Scott) I never have conversations like this at work.
(Joe) You've got skeletons, too. Uh, two pieces of cake at Marilyn from Finance's birthday.
(Joe) 11:26:50
(Scott) On the other hand, I can find an engineer right quick.

(Joe) Bah, purge schmurge.
(Joe) 'I'd like to play along, but do you have to punch me in the face?'
(Joe) Seriously, his brother?
(Scott) The following takes place between 11:00 AM and 12:00 PM
(Scott) I think he's adopted.
(Scott) Stand our ground while staying the course.
(Joe) The Chinese character for crisis is really two symbols, a mushroom cloud and melting flesh.
(Scott) A president made a promise he can't keep. Como es esto posible?
(Scott) In the days of the constitution, the weapon at hand was a single shot musket . . . and small pox blankets.
(Joe) I love the Constitution, but I won't be ducking behind it when the next atomic bomb goes off...
(Scott) What is this? Crossfire?
(Scott) They're totally going to wind up like Tony and Michelle. But less blown to pieces.
(Joe) I need Karen Hayes to go away. I need an orange jumpsuit in what looks like an 8.
(Joe) Everyone that looks at Mecca has to login twice.
(Scott) They've put a redunancy layers on the logins?
(Chris) redundancy = one hand behind my back ...
(Scott) That bag isn't a toy
(Joe) Probably having to change their passwords every five minutes.
(Chris) remember when we played terrorist and government agent when we were 5
(Scott) Pansy
(Chris) you don't want that to happen again
(Joe) You know Dad, he and Danny Glover are taking the boat out. Ahhh!
(Joe) I made a mess, Dad's trying to clean it up.
(Joe) BSJ?
(Joe) BXJ?
(Chris) BSJ or BXJ?
(Scott) Broad Street Journal
(Chris) Good references ?
(Joe) 'My head was into other things at the time.'
(Scott) They're getting awfully chatty here.
(Joe) Like new Bluetooth accessories.
(Joe) What exactly are you doing?
(Joe) Dad put together a security team... looking for McCartney.
(Scott) Those walls must be incredibly thick.
(Joe) Jack and I have to go find Dad.
(Joe) Fierce look between, uh, Cynthia and Jack. I think she may be pregnant now.
(Scott) Her eyes are like demon or something.
(Scott) Nicholas Cage . . . I think they set him on fire so he'd look somewhat interesting.
(Scott) 11:15
(Scott) Locked down the streets
(Chris) oh the philosophy of time ...
(Scott) He has technology in the On position? Really?
(Scott) This man is nothing without his goofy phone.
(Scott) BXJ

And on NBC we have Hillary on the right and Lindsey Graham on the left. Nothing much to see here, so I think that should do it for the night.

Shouldn't Peyton Manning be weighing in on this somehow?

Democratic response on the way . . .
-Brian Williams refers to Jim Webb as a Republican Senator from Virginia.
-He also says that his son is on the skids . . .

And here we go . . .

-No fireplace this year.
-Obligatory Jamestown reference by a Virginia politician.
-Obligatory New Orleans reference for a non-Bush administration human.
-A nod to redistribution of wealth.
-Jim Webb's eyebrows are substantially lower than Tim Kaines. Jim Webb is certainly no wizard.
-Trade protectionism. Minimum wage increase. Now he's sounding like a real Democrat.
-The Iraq segment.
-Webb is showing a picture of his father that he's been carrying for 50 years. It's an 8x10 photo. Jim Webb has the largest wallet ever.
-The Iraq war was a mistake . . .
-No one likes it . . .
-We need a "New Direction." I guess that's the replacement for last year's "There's a better way."
-Evoking Roosevelt (Teddy, the non-commi).
-Evoking Eisenhower.
-For anyone who didn't follow the senatorial campaign, you may be surprised that Jim Webb only mentions Republicans as examples of good leadership.
-And that's pretty much it . . .

-What will the State of the Union be this year? Good? Strong? Special?
-Ooh, so Bush will be the awkward one this year as he banters with Pelosi.
-Pelosi may not be strong enough for that gavel. Now Hastert, he could swing a gavel.
-Bush is sucking up to Pelosi.
-Which is funnier? Bush pronouncing Thomas D'Alesandro or Rostrum? I call it a wash.
-Bush congratulates the Democratic majority of evil.
-Seems to be preaching responsibility.
-Lots of togetherness at the start. Wait for Iraq.
-Hey, it turns out the economy is good. And in recovery.
-Balance the budget? What? We're not even in the laundry list of good things yet (switch grass and whatnot).
-Bush will eliminate the deficit in the next five years. The painful part will be in years three through five.
-Bush is now anti-earmark too. It's almost sounding like he's an actual conservative. Maybe he'll turn out to be in favor of keeping the government out of our lives.
-Obligatory camera shot of McCain . . . no Feingold . . .
-Ted Kennedy is either asleep or hungover. Someone elbow him, quick!
-Social security, education. Lifting acheivement higher(?).
-Laura Bush looking like a robot. Clearly, she's been throught too many of these.
-Pelosi is over thinking whether she should applaud.
-Applaud? No . . . wait . . . yes. Stand? Oh, what the hell.
-While Bush goes on about his health care plan that will never be passed, I'm going to make the observation that now that Hastert isn't up there any more, Cheney looks amazingly frumpy.
-Lots of give aways that will never happen. Expanding health savings accounts (doable, but no fix). Price transparency.
-And no more medical malpractice. Now he's sounding like the Bush I know.
-Holy crap, John Kerry! Switch to camera 6. Stat!
-Border patrol. No illegal immigrants. Guest worker program, and what not.
-Somehow this will give the border patrol agents who have been chasing down migrant farmworkers time to go after terrorists?
-And we're on to energy issues. Turns out we're too dependent on oil.
-Solar, wind, and I'll make no joke about nucular.
-Hey Ethanol. Won't hear that again until next November/December.
-Wood chips, just grass in general this year. Switch grass was so last year.
-20% less gasoline usage, that's something.
-And Chuck Grasserly (R-Iowa) things that idea is just swell.
-Need more drilling . . .
-Somehow drilling more oil will help us combat global climate change. Oh well, at least he mentioned it. I suspect there was no applause from Inhoufe (R-OK).
-Bush breaks out the up/down vote on judicial nominees while Pelosi plays with her hair.
-First 9/11 reference.
-To win the war on terror, we must take the fight to the enemy. Somewhere there's a "stay the course" coming.
-Bush brings up several terrorist attacks that didn't happen.
-Starts up a sentence with "British intelligence" without mentioning Nigeria. That's an improvement.
-Sunni extremists. The Shia may not be as bad? No wait, we haven't gotten to Iran yet.
-Bush quotes Zarqawi. And then Bin Laden. Do I hear a Walt Whitman coming?
-Oh, there's the Shia reference.
-Hillary Clinton is sitting behind Barack Obama. Hope he's wearing kevlar.
-Veiled reference to protecting us via warrantless wiretaps and detention. Lots of standing ovation.
-John Warner (R-VA) appears bemused.
-Condi Rice appears . . . well angry. There's really no other option.
-Bring up Lebanon. That may not be the best thing to discuss at the moment.
-Cedar revolution
-Mention of Iraqi election, but no blue thumbs this year.
-Now we're bringing all of this back around to why we're still in Iraq (Hint: It's not because of too many flowers being thrown at us).
-And here's the quiet part of the speech. 20,000 more troops sent to Iraq to finish building the nation.
-Making promises on behalf of the Iraqi government. I suspect they are as accurate as promises on health insurance reforms.
-Consequences of failure . . .
-Turns out Iraq would become violent . . .
-Biden really does look like he's sleeping. I bet he's dreaming of a world in which he's president. If you don't know who Joe Biden is, don't worry. He's not going to be president.
-Next September 11th reference.
-Bush is asking for support in Iraq. Turns out he's a little short on political capital.
-That blue tie isn't great . . .
-Expanding the military. Ninety-two thousand more soldiers. Isn't that exactly opposite of what Rumsfeld worked against for six years?
-Bush wants to create a reserve corp? Don't we have this already? Or is this a reserve for our over-extended reserve?
-Brief mention of an effort to bring piece between Palestinians and Israel.
-Hey, he mentioned Darfur. Treasure that, folks. That's the last time you'll hear that from the president anytime in the near future.
-Fight AIDS in Africa. That's needed. Money for fighting malaria. I'm with you on that.
-Oh, wait. I missed that were entering into the lightning round. Everyone gets an empty promise here.
-Nope, not the lightning round. We're in the real people/inspiring celebrities segment.
-Dikembe Mutumbo? Really? I guess they can't bring Sosa up there anymore.
-Baby Einstein? Julie who? I don't get this at all. But John Walsh is involved somehow.
-Introducing Wesley Autrey, the guy who saved the man who fell on the subway.
-Tommy Reimann (sp?), silver star winner.
-"We've been through a lot together"
-The state of the union is strong, as it turns out.
-That seemed a little light on the crazy stuff. No manephants this year (check the archives).

-Bush is leaving. Really, this year was nowhere nearly as entertaining as last year.
-Why are the Supreme Court justices wearing their robes. You don't see Motombo wearing his jersey . . .
-The sideline reporter is saying things I'm not hearing.
-The president signs some autographs. There's a smaller crowd this year. Is that Jesse Jackson Jr., asking for an autograph?
-Oh well, back in a minute with Jim "I'll totally kick your ass" Webb.

State of the Union with George Bush - Episode 7

-Let's see, we'll go with NBC tonight. Apparently Campbell Brown (whoever that is) is acting a the sideline reporter. Everyone is filing in, and the reporter is yammering on about applause and body language.

-There's Pelosi and Cheney on stage, and Brown just mentioned that clips of the speech will be available on Youtube. How is this possible?
-Brian Williams recounts that Harry Reid has told the Democratic senators to be attentive. Also, they will need to walk in a single file line, and raise they're hand if they want to say anything.
-And the Seargeant of Arms announces Bush.
-Heh, Kucinich looks like he's standing on a chair as he shakes hands with the president.
-Lots o' hand shaking as Bush approaches the podium.
-No Frist this year. Who will seem awkward?
-And the president takes the stage.

(Scott) It took Chris 20 minutes to put that together, so someone please read it.
(chris) Uh ... because scent is not a crime ... i'm supposing ?
(Scott) No right-to-left, no arabic support.
(Joe) Works for me.
(Scott) Scent can be a crime. Have you never worked with computer programers?
(Scott) I completely don't get cell phones, but all of those guys look like assholes.
(chris) that's a nuisance ... not a legal issue
(Scott) 10:49
(Joe) It says: القرآن قرآنِ is awesome.
(Scott) You'll be transported to Washington DC. It has a much more tropical climate than you might expect.
(Joe) Some of the information you gave us checked out.
(Scott) This is like the ending to every cold war movie made in the 80s.
(Joe) You'll look great in orange.
(Joe) The camera has to be ON the target of the investigation.
(Scott) Should we let him join our gang?
(Joe) Seriously. The 'camera'.
(Scott) So, he wants the terrorists to think he's in on the plot, but has a big mouth?
(chris) this cute asian chick
(Joe) "If you and I are in the same situation..."
(Joe) Papa Fayed.
(Joe) Join us. We're going to stand over here.
(chris) What is the IAA?
(Joe) He's going to have to sell himself to the others. Before they open up.
(Joe) He's going to have to sell himself to the others. Before they open up.
(Joe) Jack?!
(Joe) Jack?!
(Joe) I can't imagine that Jack was ever a hugger.
(Scott) Thanksgiving is so awkward at the Bauer's
(Joe) ... when Terry died.
(Scott) Josh is definitely getting his arm broken.
(Joe) '
(Joe) Why does your kid look so prissy?'
(Joe) Marilyn.
(Joe) Sorry for the 'intrustion'.
(Scott) Weak-ass handshake, that kid has.
(Joe) So this is where magic happens.
(Scott) So, I'm going to go over here near this drawer. Nothing over here.
(Joe) It's like 'Twins' where one sibling got all the good traits.
(Joe) Lush, thick haired Jack vs. weak bald Graham.
(Scott) This is for telling me about Santa Claus! I was only five!
(Joe) Lush, thick haired Jack vs. weak bald Graham.
(Scott) This is for telling me about Santa Claus! I was only five!
(Joe) Just saying.
(chris) I'm hoping he screams
(Joe) They must have played this game thousands of times.
(chris) have that had a tongue ripped out on this show yet
(Joe) not yet.
(Joe) not yet.
(Scott) Just arteries.
(Scott) How can he read from that far away?
(Joe) Those two seriously must have played 'pull out each other's fingernails' as teenagers.
(chris) They should have the background music in real Presidential addresses ... would add to the drama ... we like drama
(Joe) The technology surrounding him and his teleprompter is fifty years old.
(Scott) Less than an hour after the nuclear war, the president is Stuart Smilely
(Joe) "You brought this on yourself."
(Joe) ... 'stop asphyxiating yourself stop asphyxiating yourself stop asphyxiating yourself'
(Joe) .. I wouldn't say 'Taking the country by storm...'

(Joe) I predict they'll introduce Jeff, the most enraged house dresser in Malibu before too long.
(Joe) ... who is another Bauer.
(Joe) This is such a cousin Oliver moment.
(Scott) Heh, cousin Oliver. Good call.
(Scott) 10:38
(Scott) Jack, how did you get my terrorist number?
(Joe) Gray?
(Joe) or Greg?
(Scott) In retrospect it seems like a mistake to use the same phone for personal and terrorist business.
(Joe) Ah, Graham. In my family file.
(Joe) Indian falls. 226 Pine Crest Rd.
(Scott) Yeah, dad's really hot with the ladies. New lady every night. Boy howdy, he sure does get around.
(Scott) Good thing he has a butler . . .
(Joe) Sister-in-law is totally going to get a knee shot off.
(Joe) Jack? How? I thought the Chinese were holding him.
(Scott) Whatever happens next I'm sure it will be in another city. Heh, hope that makes you feel better kid . . .
(Joe) He's looking for Dad.
(Joe) You weren't over Jack when we got married.
(Joe) Awesome.
(Scott) Hah, she's in love with Jack. They're pulling out all of the stops now.
(Joe) They ran out of story lines and had to go back to the classics.
(Scott) In Chinese, the symbols for nuclear explosion are the same as opportunity.
(Joe) What took you so long.
(Joe) What took you so long.
(Joe) Julia Roberts sure is mad.
(Scott) Tell me that's not Kim . . .
(Scott) Ok, maybe not . . .
(Scott) On this show the british are much more high strung then you'd expect.
(Scott) Maybe he's Australian. That fits the profile better.
(Joe) DHL is certainly taking a different tack than UPS.
(chris) عرفان القرآن قرآنِ مجید عام فہم آسان جدید ترین اردو
(Joe) Taco Bell is helping us forget the filthy produce with Carmen Electra.
(Joe) Arabic
(Joe) Uh. That's all I got.
(chris) Just seeing if it would work

(Joe) Phillip Bauer?
(Scott) Number 17? Those weren't numbered?
(Joe) Jack's father?
(Joe) Nope, weren't numbered.
(Joe) Gradenko, My father?
(Scott) Jack is definitely killing his father.
(Scott) Maybe maiming.
(Joe) Nine years.
(Joe) How long ago in seasons?
(Scott) "Send someone over to talk to him"
(Joe) Question: will he be a badass or will he be the young George McFly?
(Joe) 'If there is an active cell in that detention facility...'
(Scott) Heh, she though they would replace him with an undercover operative.
(Joe) So they want to make a bunch of these, right?
(Scott) He'd wear a hat and mustache, presumably.
(Joe) Another great idea, funded by John J. Taxpayer.
(Scott) It's totally uncool to ask about nuclear attacks. Almost as bas as asking where you got the weed.
(Scott) He'll need to come back marked up.
(Scott) Just for show. I think that means marking up the face real good.
(Joe) An earpiece?
(Scott) Nice generic palm interface.
(Scott) Nice generic palm interface.
(Joe) Right, couldn't find an index card and a pen.
(Scott) Sam?
(Scott) Really?
(Joe) Phillip's 'friend'.
(Joe) Greg?
(Scott) 555? Clearly you're lying.
(Scott) 555? Clearly you're lying.
(Joe) Are you kidding me? I knew the L.A. murder rate was high, but I didn't know it was because all those Bauers not getting their way.
(Scott) Sam must be the butler . . .
(Joe) Liddy.
(Scott) Liddy?
(Joe) Nooooooo!
(Scott) Your brother?
(Scott) You're shitting me.
(Joe) You've got to be kidding. Smarmy McSmarmenhousen is Jack's brother?
(Joe) Now they've crossed a line.
(Joe) 10:33
(Scott) Holy crap . . .
(Joe) That's like saying 'Jack, we found your wife. Alive.' After a commercial break, Jack is taken to a room and they pull out a cabbage.

(Joe) How is 'King of the Hill' still on the air?
(Scott) 10:16
(Joe) 10:16:09
(Joe) 10:16:09
(Scott) I had the same question.
(Scott) Ollie North?
(chris) Let's blow up a random country ...
(Joe) John Salley is a good president.
(chris) that'll teach 'em
(Scott) Didn't we do attacking the random Middle Eastern country in season 2?
(Joe) 'The President is talking, Admiral. Do not interrupt.'
(Scott) Calling back the planes at the last minute . . .
(Joe) Yep.
(Joe) 10:18:15
(Scott) Heh, where I come from we greet each other with melodrama.
(Joe) ... today, I assure you I am not [your enemy]."
(chris) Please ?
(Joe) '
(Joe) 'Yes, I would like my water room temperature.'
(Scott) Hamri? It's pronounces Haccmahhrriiiiia
(Joe) You told Jack that he was working with nuclear technologies. Nevermind.
(Scott) I'm pretty sure that al-Assad is really Italian.
(Joe) Dmitri Godenko
(Scott) How about a spicy a-meatball?
(Joe) 10:21:19
(Scott) Speaking of Italian, this commercial uses the kitchen from the Sopranos
(chris) [picture]
(Joe) I used to think that Schwab was the best investment planning firm out there. Now, I think they're creepy.
(Joe) Now he'll be on a watch list. Thanks Chris.
(Scott) Chris going for the libel angle.
(Joe) Mm. Olive Garden.
(chris) Any coverage is good coverage right
(Scott) The opinions of Chris do not represent those of Live Blogging TV or it's subsidaries.
(Joe) Seriously, 'we need to come up with a good idea for a tax preparation commercial... do we know any swashbucklers?'
(Scott) This is actually what I suspect people who watch Friends act like.
(Joe) I may just use Editorial oversight. I'll indicate that Chris posted a sketch of Mohammed (may his name be praised).
(Scott) 10:25ish

(Scott) If you're hiding in the back of a truck to get through a road block, why would you pop your head up as you are passing the last cop?
(Scott) Let's see, 24-episode 5. T
(Scott) Let's see, 24-episode 5. The following takes between when?
(Scott) 9:00 AM and 10:00 AM, I think
(Scott) Nope, 10 AM and 11 AM.
(Scott) Wow, the news media is remarkably fast. Two or three minutes after the explosion, they already know what's going on. In real life this is the point at which they'd theorize about werewolves and foxfire.
(Scott) Suddenly the show turns into the
(Scott) Suddenly the show turns into the West Wing.
(Scott) All of CTU is dead . . . except Jack.
(Joe) Yeah, right?
(Joe) Crap. Was watching Prison Break time-shifted.
(Scott) TIVO doesn't look so great now, does it?
(Scott) I just can't get enough of the unnecessary touching moments.
(Scott) Chloe: Why do people I know keep dying?
(Scott) Something to do with Jack, I'd guess.
(Scott) Massive packet loss. Better plug the hole with a large stack of hashes.
(Scott) Mayhem! Mayhem!
(Scott) Is that Godzilla?
(Joe) Need to ramp up the drama after the nuclear detonation with a little girl almost getting hit by a car.
(Scott) Being a terrorist means never having to say you're sorry.
(Joe) EMP
(Scott) Is Act-m-ed still on the show?
(Joe) 10:09
(Scott) Jack: I'm not so much a doctor. I'm kind of like the opposite really
(Joe) "You were hit by a soft wave."
(Scott) If Jack takes off in the helicoptor, that will be a new high for the show.
(Joe) Suddenly 24 becomes a MacGyver episode.
(Joe) "Gee, so that works like a lever?" -- That's right, Billy.
(Scott) Who knew Pinto made helicoptors?
(Scott) That's where I live. Somewhere in the direction of North.
(Joe) I never liked Valencia.
(Scott) Those are juice oranges!
(Joe) 'Better stop your friend, he can get there in like seven seconds.'

The Parable of Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning and his defense walked through the desert for many years. There were times of happiness. There were times of drought. There were times of high scoring shootouts. There were times of disappointment. Still, Peyton persevered.
After several years, Peyton Manning finally led his team to the promised land. There was great rejoicing by all except for Manning's defense. Manning, sensing discomfort, approached his defense.
"Defense," Manning spoke, "why is your brow darkened"?
The defense looked back upon the path and replied "As I look upon the path we walked, I see the good times and the bad, the light of your great drives and the darkness of our run defense." Defense gestured to the long path, and continued, "why is it, Peyton, that in the good times, there are two sets of footprints as we walked together, and in the dark times, only one set, as I walked alone."
Peyton smiled knowingly, and put his arm across the shoulders of his defense and said, "the reason why you see but one set of foot prints is that during the bad times, I carried you."
Defense wept with joy and gratitude.

The Bauer hour of power is tonight.

(Joe) So, Jack wanted to keep word of the release hidden or whatever. How awkward would it be to run into Kim at the Orange Julius in Valencia.
(Joe) ?
(Scott) Oooh, Question marks. I just noticed.
(Joe) Blogger is busted.
(Scott) Blogger completely sucks tonight.
(Scott) Maybe they can't handle question marks . . .
(Joe) Unfortunate choices in eyewear for Michael Scofield.
(Joe) 'A new beginning?'
(Scott) 9:48
(Joe) Clearly they need Cisco to come in and redo their telephone system.
(Joe) "They were speaking Arabic, which I don't understand."
(Scott) What? Because I'm Muslim you think I understand Arabic?
(Joe) Is it Hamsa or Hhamza?
(Joe) Achmza?
(Scott) If I were Jewish would you expect me to make you a dradle?
(Joe) Articulated or gluttoral?
(Scott) Curtis is so jealous of Jack and Assad's new friendship.
(Joe) 'I'm going to need my people to review this.
(Scott) Curtis is completely going to go Jack Bauer on this guy.
(Joe) "If that's the way it has to be, then that's the way it has to be..."
(Joe) Wow, personally beheaded them. That's going to take more than a pardon.
(Scott) Hmm, the space invaders music. This isn't going to work out well.
(Joe) ... for Curtis to buy the dude a beard.
(Scott) Jack is definitely shooting Curtis . . .
(Joe) Curtis is totally not getting CTU of the Month.
(Joe) 'Try to arrest me again, Curtis. I never forget. Woo!'
(Scott) There's another year in therapy once he retires . . .
(Joe) Curtis is good, but he's no Tony Almeda.
(Joe) "I'll send a car for you, Jack."
(Scott) True, Tony did survive a shot to the neck.
(Joe) What, Curtis is laying in the street and they took the only SUV?
(Scott) But he never did get worse than a broken knee from Jack.
(Joe) Hmm, only a few minutes left. This raid is going to go super.
(Joe) 'Uh, this warehouse has been abandoned for ten years.'
(Scott) They're going to blow up the building, aren't they?
(Joe) I THINK I saw someone out there. 'Who?' Dunno.
(Joe) A detonation in Los Angeles.
(Scott) Yeah, that
(Scott) Yeah, that's bad, but it's not the first nuclear weapon to detonate on this show.
(Joe) I guess maybe I shouldn't have 1. Made a deal with a terrorist. 2. Set to release a bunch of terrorists.
(Scott) Yeah, there is some prett questionable judgement here.
(Joe) Totally called the 'five' thing. Shaadi would be proud.

(Joe) By the way, you think the President could have a better printer than the $79 HP DeskJet that was printing out the very-quickly-printed agreement pursuant to aforementioned conditions, etc. Do they draw them up ahead of time?
(Joe) Oh, just the pardon.
(Scott) It's on stock paper.
(Joe) Yeah, that WAS quick.
(Joe) Well, you've been making deals with terrorists all day.
(Scott) We don't have time to have a Rose garden ceremony . . . this time.
(Joe) Listen, it's probably something you should run by Al-Assad first.
(Scott) This Palmer is only slightly better than what's his name from last season.
(Joe) Okay, bombs blowing up all over the place. Response by the White House? Signing a deal with a terrorist.
(Joe) That'll play well in Peoria.
(Scott) Why aren't you talking. We never talk. Do I not interest you anymore?
(Joe) "So, you're going to let me go to?"
(Joe) "Get up!"
(Joe) "Remember that time you got pissed that I've been calling you Almood for the last thirteen years?" That was awesome.
(Scott) If Jack is smart he'll just let Kumar kill the kid before he goes in. It's just way too much trouble to carry the kids along.
(Joe) "Get the EMT down here now!"
(Scott) Hey, the kid might know where his father is going. Call of the EMT, NOW!
(Joe) Jack. Two-thousand seven.
(Joe) [09:42]
(Scott) 9:42

(Scott) 9:19
(Joe) I didn't have time to fix everything.
(Joe) "I didn't want this tab-delimited, I wanted it in tables."
(Scott) Heh, I want columns, not tab-delimited.
(Joe) I think you saw a little more than a couple of movies.
(Scott) Oh, lord. Are they really arguing over Chloe? This is the worst.
(Joe) (Nudge.)
(Scott) Is table really a format?
(Joe) Bizaare.
(Joe) That was a page of printed dialog that more than one person though was a good idea.
(Joe) 15th and Channing. Named after the famed c
(Joe) 15th and Channing. Named after the famed comedienne.
(Scott) Jack is due for a killing by now, I'd expect.
(Joe) He's getting shaky.
(Scott) You can help us by paying all of your outstanding parking tickets.
(Scott) Mr Ambassador of . . .
(Joe) Well, this Middle East ambassador agreed with something. This totally corroborates everything.
(Scott) They've been straight with us so far.
(Joe) "Will we be greeted as liberators?" 'Suuuure!'
(Joe) See Curtis' face when he heard the President wanted to talk to Al-Assad?
(Scott) Ha! The first pardon in writing. Excellent!
(Joe) Ugh. They all want to see it in writing. At least it won't have to be faxed.
(Scott) We'll need it from the attorney general
(Scott) RE: Curtis's expression, I'm pretty sure Jack was eating his own scar tissue.
(Scott) Seriously, they should bring back Mike.
(Joe) Why do people need to specify the Priority when calling the President when it just goes through an assistant? "I'd put it through but he's on another line."
(Joe) Why do people need to specify the Priority when calling the President when it just goes through an assistant? "I'd put it through but he's on another line."
(Joe) I guess that's why they had to add the hotline to the commies.
(Scott) Oh, Alyeed will meet a bad fate, won't he.
(Joe) I'll tell you something brother...
(Scott) Why does that guy have all the tattoos?
(Joe) Anta tef ham arabee? Something about the number five.
(Scott) A package from who? I don't know an A-med.
(Scott) Oh, Aaaccchmed.
(Joe) "I got a package from Almood. Auhmeed? Ahmmid?
(Joe) 'Great, a bargaining chip.'
(Scott) Heh, so many unnecessary bargaining chips on this show.
(Joe) "... before you go, kill the boy."
(Joe) [09:31]
(Scott) They were going to sacrifice Jack and give the guy 25 million dollars. What are the odds this guy will be a worthwhile bargaining chip.

Kommenter is completely not working for me.

(Joe) If I could go back to According to Jim...
(Joe) ... I blame the Bush Administration.
(Joe) Oh, inside man hides Numer.
(Joe) "It sets you free like a mongoose in flight."
(Scott) Oh, it's just broken in IE.
(Scott) 9:00
(Joe) Ahmed Amar.
(Joe) Nope, sorry. ACHZ-med.
(Joe) What does Chz remind you of? Czech, that's right.
(Scott) Auck-m-Ed
(Joe) Of course prisoner transport buses would still have bathrooms with doors.
(Scott) Why are their tunnels in a terrorist detention center?
(Joe) "We have to do better than we're doing, and we have to do it faster!"
(Scott) Yelling is a pretty good motivator, I find . . .
(Joe) Maybe the foot-fetishish can help.
(Scott) Partition the grid, heh.
(Joe) Chloe is horrible at playing along.
(Joe) "The file is on your system. Filter them. Now."
(Scott) Filter the files on your system? What does that even mean?
(Joe) Wow, Suitcase Nukes 101.
(Scott) Hey, the apochryphal suitcase nuke. Makes as much sense as biting a man to death.
(Joe) Pretty cool animation for extemporaneous questions.
(Joe) Damn straight, 'get me Jack Bauer'.
(Scott) I think Assad must have knocked up Curtis's sister or something . ..
(Joe) Sir, Jack Bauer's on the line. Priority seven.
(Scott) Sir Jack Bauer?
(Joe) I want you to take charge... After the way the country treated you... congratulations. Another day with no eating or going to the bathroom.
(Scott) Wayne Palmer gets emotional a little to quickly.
(Joe) Keifer Sutherland seems to be okay being shot from above with a power forward.
(Joe) "What did the Chinese do to you?"
(Scott) He's a tiny, tiny man.
(Joe) "Nothing is more important than finding Fayed and Numer."
(Joe) What was that on Jack's fingers? Scars? Organic peanut butter?
(Scott) Scars, they should be healed by 2:00 P.M.
(Joe) "This was the last model the Soviets produced... where are the tools?"
(Scott) Ahmed, we've known you for so long. We're worried about your pill dependency.
(Joe) "Ayhmee-d, I've got it."
(Joe) Release the chick.
(Joe) Dumb bastard. Or smart.
(Scott) Sophie's choice?
(Scott) He's totally not getting any for a month or two.
(Joe) How did she call the payphone, exactly?
(Scott) Achmed gave her the phone number he called from.
(Joe) I'll deliver the package like Allhmood said.
(Scott) Did he really find change in the coin return?
(Joe) Isn't it better to leave the terrorist with his former best friend and soccer playmate?
(Joe) Damn, Gillian.
(Joe) 351 Old Mill Road, Valencia.

8 something or another . . .

-I'm pretty sure I lost a post in there somewhere.
-Not sure what type of store Marcus works at.
-Do weapons dealers really just let you use their phone?
-He's going to hit him with a lamp post isn't he?
-Yep. That may not have gone as well as he wanted . . .
-I think this is how Jack started out too, or am I thinking of Billie Jean?
-Arabic and Russian. It's the breakaway republic of Generistan again.
-Nuclear weapon on the loose.
-Hassan Numer . . . on the plane . . .
-Nope, on the bus. Good call Laura.
-And now hopefully blogger will let me publish . . .

(Joe) According to Jim is still on the air. No further commentary is necessary, I should think. (No wonder we're universally hated.)
(Joe) Peak of America's standing in the world? Before According to Jim.
(Joe) [08:53]
(Joe) Marcus is a badass. You can tell by his knife. And his surly demeanor.
(Joe) "The component cost me a little more than I though it would. I'm going to need another $50,000." That's why you need to get an estimate.
(Joe) For such an expensive piece of equipment, why is it wrapped in an oily rag?
(Joe) Word to the squeamish. In many universes, it's possible to knock someone out before killing them.
(Joe) ... programming instructions for a detonator...
(Joe) Hassan Numer. (No, not Hassan Numer. It's HaSSSSan Numer.)
(Joe) "I need to speak with the President. Priority 3."
(Joe) "I've got the photo."
(Joe) Pretty fancy equipment for an army sent to a country encompassed in free AK-47s with no armor or kevlar.

8:??

-I'm having major bandwidth problems here.
-Hmm, I'm guessing that Curtis has some sort of personal problem with Assad.
-Guys with helmets always get killed quickl on this show.
-Aha, Czech writing. I was right about the Eastern European thing.
-One guy with a helmet down.
-Grenade! And that guy will not be talking.
-Oh, maybe the problem is with blogger.com, not my bandwidth. Either way this isn't working well so far.
-Prisoner-cam? Isn't that how the whole Saddam Hussein execution went so wrong?
-And something with a brief case. I'm a little distracted at the moment. Blogger is terrible tonight.

(Joe) What should we put in this commercial we bought to run with '24'? Maybe some horsies in a field with dandelions.
(Joe) "
(Joe) "He has a memory like a fish."
(Joe) Chloe:
(Joe) Chloe: "You mean like I'm doing already?"
(Joe) Curtis: "My men know their job."
(Joe) Jack: I'll take care of it as soon as this is over."
(Joe) Random CTU member: "... boxes with Czech writing..."
(Joe) For well-equipped terrorists, he's using like a six-year-old IBM ThinkPad.
(Joe) Stupid obnoxious helmet.
(Joe) And yes, you can shoot plastic explosives (Semtext/C-4/Chinese Sky Candy). A grenade I'm not so sure of. That was a lot of C-4 and a lot of damage.
(Joe) "We will proceed onto the plane. There will be no mistakes." ('Uh, I think you're in my seat. A-4. No, this is B-4. Oh, my mistake.' Bang.)

8:32

-This is like a scene from V (you remember V, right. Lizard folk?).
-Everyone in a line for calestinics. And one, and two, and three . . .
-Sherri Junior has been arrested.
-How did an angry mob get there so quickly?
-Excellent, we're at the first tedious relative scene. Wonder how long it will take to drop this plot point.
-This guy is no Aaron, I can tell you that.
-Turn to the right!

(Joe) I'm no expert, but there sure are a lot of, you know, WASP-ish terrorists and freedom fighters.
(Joe) And Hell's Angels.
(Joe) Anacostia Detention Facility.
(Joe) "You are released. Go home..."
(Joe) "Don't tell me what I have to do..."
(Joe) "After a cavity search..."
(Joe) He does a pretty good Nelson Mandela.
(Joe) Well, at least I got out of the cavity search.

FYI: http://sc********k.com/kommentr/ is up and can spit out synched comments. Maybe hour 4?

8:21

-Wow, back from break already. We're speeding right through this.
-Needless tedium between Morris and Chloe.
-Wayne Palmer is paralyzed with fear. He's definitely not doing so good at this job.
-The terrorists are definitely going to shoot down the plane load of prisoners.
-A little awkward sentimentality between Jack and Curtis. Jack clearly hasn't forgotten about Curtis threatening him with a gun.
-Is there someone in the back seat?
-Curtis is definitely going to try to kill Assad. I suspect this will not turn out well.
-He's going to stab him with a butter knife? Why not just let the pain killers kick in? Stupid kid . . .

(Joe) Yeah, I can buy the charge-up time. It's pretty dumb considering the quality of the brushed steel charger itself.
(Joe) The shoe-salesman is productive.
(Joe) Listen, Karen. I know you disapprove of my decision. (Of flouting the long-standing U.S. policy of non-capitulation with terrorists and all.)
(Joe) "It's great to see you, Jack. I'm sorry about what you went through."
(Joe) "The man's a terrorist, Jack."
(Joe) "I don't know what means anything anymore."
(Joe) Curtis really hates Al-Assad.
(Joe) 'I have superpowers!'
(Joe) Kurt Russell would be proud.
(Joe) Stab him.
(Joe) Stab him.
(Joe) Bah.
(Joe) [08:27]

Questions are back!

(Joe) I smell a spinoff with Al-Assad. (His name is easy to pronounce.)
(Joe) Wait, he's not in the Space Shuttle!
(Joe) Why would you reveal that you know that he's behind the attacks.
(Joe) Wow, Palmdale. By the end of the hour?
(Joe) "Bill, contact Palmdale." (CTU Los Angeles Guy, get that military installation to move all of its detainees.)
(Joe) "I will not work with my enemies."
(Joe) Morris and the junkie boyfriend from Six Feet Under don't get along.
(Joe) .. and 'the girls from Archives'?
(Joe) Chloe, I don't have a lot of time. I need to speak with Bill BU-CHAN-AN. (Are there other 'Bill's that a recently-escaped field agent would want to talk to? If so, he can save three syllables right there.)
(Joe) Curtis has trouble reconciling orders ever since Jack was released and arrested five times in Season Three.
(Joe) "Are you telling me I don't know how to drive?" Uh, no. Sorry. My fault. Death to America.
(Joe) For a militant that just had a mission jeopardized by the worst kind of American in the world, he took that pretty well.
(Joe) "You're a nurse right?"
(Joe) "Sit down. Now."
(Joe) "You have muscle tissue damage, you need to see a doctor."
(Joe) "It's a man named Marcus."
(Joe) [08:17]

24 - Episode 3

The following takes place between 8:00 AM and 9:00 AM . . .

-I think they ought to just do the whole season in six four episode chunks. Or maybe just two twelve hour chunks.
-I can't believe they repeated the "shredder" program in the previews.
-(Still previews) Do bombs really need three seconds to charge before they'll detonate?
-On with the show . . . CTU debriefings on the days bombings . . . should have listened to Jack.
-Fayad has a direct line to the president? That seems like poor judgement.
-They aren't seriously going to go for this, are they?
-Palmdale?
-You know, your brother totally wouldn't cave on this.
-Heh, he's heading in the general direction of North. There will be fewer cars there. I think that's even near the oil fields.
-Milo v. Morris.
-Chloe is getting all sentimental with Jack. Jack has none of it.
-How can they even get 100 prisoners on a plane in an hour. It takes longer than that to get 30 civilian passengers on Delta.
-Curtis may not be going along with this whole scheme.
-Heh, Jack is the best car-jacker ever.
-This is where David Palmer comes in with a voice over. I think this one is called the smash and dash.
-They have a scout at the military base?
-Grab the gun, kid. It's right in front of you.
-See, that's what hospitality gets you.
-I'm not so sure it's a good idea to press down on the wound of a man with a gun to your head.
-What are the odds that it's a box of cannolis?

So, I guess that's the show. Apparently people with Sprint phones can see a preview from the show . . . or they could just wait until after the commercial break, I suppose.

Anyhow. Back at it tomorrow night . . .

Text '24' to 'Jack'. Sheesh. The 24 writers definitely came up with that particular promotion. Even though it works, it barely makes sense and remains plausible.

'Let's text a number to a phone word.' Quintessential 24.

It would be cool if there was an awkward silence then Jack asks Assad if he 'knew a guy named Marwan'.
In reality, a house with a window draped with an American flag would probably have a few guns, too. Tight-fitting henleys is a given.
These terrorists sure are suspicious looking.
What was that guy doing?
Lots of cellphone usage this season.
Now, I'm not from Los Angeles, but why haven't they come up with some model that doesn't require turn-of-the-century ticket punching for subway travel?
I'd like to say that I'm proud of the 24 writers for not needlessly complicating the story by having the ticket valet hassle Jack.
And this could be the most awesome 24 season ever.
'Well, Jack kicked a terrorist out the window and saved dozens of lives.'
1. There's no explosion. 2. There's smoke four blocks from here.
So, hundreds of deaths elsewhere. In L.A., they pick the last car in a subway train...
This is also the quickest resolution to the POTUS-thinks-Jack-is-wrong storyline. Ever.

7:50

-Two men in suits, and in the business district!
-Assad bears some resemblance to Al Pacino in a movie that's escaping me at the moment.
-I'm learning so much about how this whole marytrdom thing works.
-That's the worst place to hide a key. Everyone will look there.
-Do they really ask for tickets on the subway? Isn't that how you actually get on the subway?
-Heh, I bet the ticket guy gets that story twice daily.
-Mayhem!
-And I'm not sure I buy the guy just flying out the window.
-So in 24 land, the NSA monitors all of our calls? Hmmm, that may not be fiction.
-The terrorist lied to us? How can this be? Who can we trust?
-Jack's on the move with the terrorist with a heart of gold.

Is that Joe Izuzu for Kalfus and Nachman?

I wanna see the affadavit, bish.
"This is an administrative warrant. It's not valid in this situation."
"Don't bother trying to 'recall' them, I used the shredding program."
What the hell.
"Check it."
Psst. She's the President's sister.
Well, hidden, eh.
I was just thinking that I'd like to see this guy beaten.
Foley guy on 24: What was that sound when he took the glass out of his leg?
"You can't even pronounce my name..."

7:31

-Bauer on the move with Assad. Kind of reminisant of the Mexican storyline.
-Chloe sells out Jack.
-Hmm, so the Buchanan/Karen storyline is the same as Tony/Michelle.
-He should definitely tell Jack where Fayad is.
-What's this? No torture for the sake of torture?
-Oh, there it is. This guy is much better than Jack.
-And he has faith in Jack. That's good.

7-something or another . . .

-See, it's just that easy to get a warrant. How is this an undue burden?
-"That's your opinion." Great retort. Next he'll call her a stupid head.
-This is the worst raid ever.
-Heh, she used the shredding program. It's impossible to recover data from that (this is where I'd insert an Edgar joke if he weren't dead).
-The sounds on their computers are terrible.
-This vigilante is awfully single-minded.
-And that story line is done.
-We're friends, right? I mean the whole necklace thing . . .

Nice to see that Jack found a buddy.
Could have taken a turn into guy-guy erotica. Could have played it either way, there.
Chloe: "I need to show you something."
Bill: "Jack rescued Assad." (And Bill is certainly going to die.)
"We have a car!"
Now everyone's going to be doing the pen in the shoulder-nerve-bundle thing.
Could it be? Jack's gone soft?

7:19

-No bow tie?
-Warrentless raids aren't as heavy handed as I would have expected.
-Ah, David Palmer's daughter/niece/whoever.
-More romantic involvement that will lead to either treachery or teidium.
-So . . . this whole Fayad plan isn't working out at all . . .
-A suicide bomber. That just seems like a terrible career path . .

The Nazi youth grows up. 'We're just assembling a database.'
"In light of what's happening..."
In the line of presidential siblings, she must be the top of the mountain, followed by Neil Bush and Billy Carter.
Oh, snap. "Neither did David."
What?
Someone must have warned him. Yes, these are our fake leaders.
Don't terrorists ever go to T.G.I. Friday's? Or to the mall?
"I will not fail you."
I wonder if the terrorists have a server room where all the shady deals go down... they certainly have the equipment.
Finding Morpheus, I think.

The Dodge Nitro, the most destructive automobile ever.

24 - episode two

The following takes place between 7:00 AM and 8:00 AM . . .

-The previously segments in the two episode nights still seem a little unnecessary.
-This is kind of like the Fugitive, but less Tommy Lee Jonesish.
-I think they used this exact set in a Prison Break episode.
-Every one seems a little too surprised that Fayad lied.
-Bauer is pretty smart with the car stealing. Of course it makes sense to break the back window out. Who wants to sit on broken glass.
-Heh, Buchanan doesn't have the power to call off an airstrike, but Jack does.
-Palmer doesn't believe Jack over the Aly McBeal guy (who needs a name).
-Hey, a Nextell ad!
-And Jack goes off to dispense violent wisdom.
-Take my necklace. Or we can be blood brothers. How about that?
-Attack helicopter on the way. And they can get real time satellite images from a closed-circuit gas station security camera, but not from a military helicoptor?
-Heh, drop the coffee. They make that stuff hot now.
-Ah, that guy is a rat. You can tell by the way Jack's looking at him.
-Doesn't really seem to be a need to secure the files.
-Why couldn't they just send in ground forces? Is LA getting that hostile?

Nick Cage doesn't get the credit he deserves.
Watching 24? He ripped out a guy's throat. Just a reminder.
Regina King is a professional wife/girlfriend. Nice to see she graduated to playing someone's sister.
"I don't have the power to recind a presidential order, Jack. You know that." ('But I guess I forgot Jack has been tortured daily for almost two years.')
He's responsible for hundreds of deaths? In 20 years? That's pretty lame for a terrorist.
Ooh, President Palmer 2.0 has two American flags on his lapel. He doubly hates terrorism.
What commercial was that guy in?
"I can't take your pagan trinket, infidel."
"Aha. Sticks. What I would have given for a pile of sticks in that prison."
"There's no transponder here. " Have them empty their pockets? Why would it be in their pockets?
The whole place is going to explode! Quick, format the floppies!

6:52

-Karen and Bill in another heated moment. I think they're just using the Tony and Michelle script from two seasons ago.
-Really, why don't they just kill Jack? He's just going to kill them. How do they not know this?
-Terrorists talk far too much. Drama queens, really.
-Chloe crying . . .
-He should have cut off Jack's trigger finger when they had a chance.
-And the guy who's father was taken away is actually in on it. The vigilantees are looking less dumb now . . . no, that's not it.
-Wow, Jack has gone completely crazy maddog badass. Biting a man dead is a new one for this show.

Sorry, watching the talentless hump pick apart the league's... nay... history's most potent offensive force.
So, a few observations: Chloe is clearly more Peppermint Patty than Marcie this season.
And in the interest of full disclosure, I have a huge advantage for these episodes but really, I'm more apt to accept these scenarios now that I've seen them before. I'll give it a go.
"I have to go." No, you hang up first. No, you hang up first... Okay, on three... One... two... three... Ha ha, okay, seriously!
Ah, the woodcarving/torture implements.
"I saw his body... I know how he died. I know what you did to him." Luckily, we cannot find this 'Happy Days' on VHS anymore. No matter.
33 58 11N 118 21 40W
Clearly, I have this wrong.
Harold (or Kumar) is not as Marwan-esque about using cellphones.
Clearly, the highlight of the show. Ripping out arteries with his freakin' mouth. See more.

Jack's back, baby.

6:36

-Still waiting for the first appearance of Ricky Schroeder.
-A mosque is burning.
-Generic family who will inexplicably get involved in this whole mess is discussing school closure.
-And, oh crap, they have a teen-aged son. Sigh . . .
-Random vigilantes are roaming the streets of suburbia?
-24 is getting the perfunctory Muslims aren't all bad part out of the way early this year. Trying to head off Keifer Sutherland having to do a public service announcement, I suppose.
-Chloe is sidelined.
-And as Morris brings up an image of Jack from a survey satellite, we have our first implausible use of technology of the season.
-Fayad starts into his best Phil Collins impression.
-Somehow they've figured out that Morris is using the satellite. Not even Edgar can do that . . . anymore.
-I suppose I can't use that joke anymore.
-And Fayad backs out of the whole deal.
-It's hard to blame Chloe for this. It was really a terrible plan the whole time.

6:19

-Bill call Karen about Jack. He also wants to see about that "breakfast."
-Apparently, there's some sort of ring involved . . . and some tension.
-Chloe: Nadia, you don't know me very well, but I'm incredibly tactless and somehow that seems to work for me.
-Fayad is the guy who wants Jack. His brother died while Jack was torturing him.
-CTU gave Fayad access to their satellites and intelligence? This sounds like a terrible deal.
-Jack shaved three feet of beard in about five minutes. I'm not so sure I'm that fast just from morning to morning. With or with out undergoing physical and mental anguish.
-This is such an odd situation. Basically they're assuming Jack will just go along with this whole scheme.
-So far as Chiefs of Staff go the Ally McBeal guy is no Mike.
-Detention centers are being set up in arenas and convention centers. The muslim community will be placated with horse shows and Harlem Globetrotters expositions for the next few years.
-Buchanan and Curtis are leaving Jack out to dry. And here begins the part where I wonder why the people who want Jack dead don't just do it quickly.
-A touching moment with Jack and Bill (who I still suspect to be a mole).
-Given the number of characters coming back from last season, I suspect at least one will die very early.

The following takes place between 6:00 AM and 7:00 AM.

-I feel a little rusty with this here. Ok, so where were we. Bombings, likely by Muslims.
-A suspected Muslim can't catch the bus, and Rupert Gee from the Hello Deli blows up the bus.
-Hey, it's Karen from last season is the National Security Advisor. And she's at odds with the weird guy from Ally McBeal.
-I'm I understanding this right to hear that he wants to lock up all Muslims? I suspect some logistical problems with that.
-Hamri al-Assad is the early villain this season. I'm predicting the later villain will be Eastern European.
-Milo is back this season, as is Fat Dave Attell.
-Chloe seems slightly less retarded this season.
-Palmer negotiated for Jack Bauer's release.-Jack Bauer has been auditioning for the role of Uncle Jesse in the Dukes of Hazard prequel.
-So, some guy will give up al-Assad for 25 million + Jack Bauer and an agent to be named later.
-Wow, Curtis was prepared to shoot Jack. That seems wrong . . . and perhaps unwise.

Live blogging season starts in 20 minutes. After my wildly accurate predictions from last year, I think I'll skip that part this year. Two episodes two nights in a row seems like enough effort for one week.

So we'll get on with it as soon as the Patriots finish trying to overcome the burden of that talentless hump Tom Brady.

Just a reminder . . . the 24 liveblogging starts here at 8PM EST time on Sunday (if you're out West, you can just guess what's happening from what we write--it's just as good if you act it out with your cats).

If we were clever we'd post post one of them fancy count down clocks here. Joe?