Do you like 24, but think it could use more dice or spinney arrow things? Then maybe the home version of 24 is what you're looking for this fall. Due out in August 2006, 24 the DVD Board Game combines DVDs and board games in a way that sounds both arbitrary and pointless. So, if I understand correctly, you roll the dice and then play a track from the DVD? I actually remember playing a similar game as a child, except it was Clue and on a VCR. I can only imagine that a DVD player is infinitely superior to a VCR player for this sort of thing ("No, that's too far! Rewind to 22:15. Wait, stop the tape got stuck again. Ah, screw it. I'm going to bed . . ."), and yet, much like the Clue VCR/board game, the 24 DVD/board game seems destined to wind up at the bottom of the closet after about two sessions.

On the other hand, I can only imagine that family game night will never be the same . . .

Little Joey: I'll be the shiv!
Little Tommy: I want to be the gun!
Little Jane: But you're always the gun! I want to be the gun this time. MOM!
Mother: Ok, Tommy, let Jane be the gun this time, and you can be the vial of Anthrax. Your father will be the choking hand, and I guess I'll be the thimble . . . again.
Father: Damnit, woman! Set up the board now! We're running out time!
L. Tommy: . . . dad . . . ?
Father: Look son, the only reason you're conscious is because I don't want to have to carry you.

According to Erik Arneson, who wrote an entire column on DVD board games, the players follow clues (Clues!) until they solve find and apprehend the terrorists (Colonel Marwan in the Living Room with the Detonator). Arneson goes on to say that "the DVD also acts as a timer, counting down the 24 hours to the terrorist attack that the players are working to prevent." It counts down all 24 hours? Holy Free Parking, Mr. Moneybags! That sounds boring!

Keep reading the same column, and you'll find an even more puzzling write up about the Soduko DVD Board Game. I like Soduko as much as the next guy who should probably doing something else at work, but I just don't see the DVD angle on this. Isn't a book of Soduko puzzles cheaper and more portable? Or are DVD Board Games the new unscrutinized dot com craze of this decade? If so, I'm sure Dr. Koop will be cashing in on this in no time.

When I first read that Jack Bauer signed a production deal with FOX to make a TV series, movies, and what not, I thought "Hey, that's great. More Jack Bauer is good, right?" It took me a little while on this, but then I finally realized the person who signed the production deal is actually some guy named Kiefer Sutherland. Turns out he's the son of the guy from Kelly's Heroes and an all around ne'er do well.

So what should we expect from this Sutherland character? Well, a good place to start might be with his directorial debut in Truth or Consequences, N.M. (tagline, "Life's a Bitch. Why Behave?"). A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to watch this film, and I have to say I am in awe. Kiefer Sutherland plays a less competent and more hot-headed version of Jack Bauer, but with a mullet and a mustache. Basically, he yells a lot, gets drunk, and points his gun around for no good reason. Somewhere along the way Kiefer and his gang of thugs abduct Kevin Pollack (who you'll remember from The Aristocrats) and Kim Dickens (who you'll look forward to in the role of Rambo's Wife in Rambo IV). After about five minutes of screen time for any given character, you realize you have no sympathy for that individual. Long story short, by the end you realize that the protagonists are actually the two gang members who love each other and are trying to start a better life or something of the sort (honestly, it's really not clear exactly what's going on). Picture Bonnie and Clyde but without the good parts. Oh, and Martin Sheen shows up for no other reason than to torture this guy.

If you're looking for edge of your seat drama with implausible technology references and boring scenes with a tediously dull president and his batshit crazy first lady, this production deal may not be all you think it is. On the other hand, if you like the mullets, you've got three years of grooviness heading your way . . .