Heh, it's not the local news if some vehicle hasn't run into someone's house.

So, despite the fact that the season is over we'll try to come up with something to do in the interim but hope to post a season recap sometime soon.

Our goal is still to get hired by the show and stop anyone who wants to add the phrase "let's retask a satellite" or "pipe that over to my workstation" before it makes it into the shooting script. See, 'shooting script' is an example of our extensive knowledge of Hollywood that we gained from the 'I Love Lucy' marathon on Nick-at-Nite.

It's far easier to shoot something down than to create it, so look here for our take on the next season and some drop-in technical terms free for use in movies, the cinema, the big sreen and the silver screen. And whatever TV is supposed to be.

Remember, the first ten are free -- then we'd like our own chairs with our names stenciled on the back. We'll work on getting our union cards. Solidarity now.

What the hell kind of place is that for a kid to play in? A disgusting-ass creek?

So, I guess that's it for this season of 24. A good season, but it's been better. The president was just painful. Maybe tomorrow I'll post a post mortem with results of the pre-season predictions (Tony!).

Wil Wheaton was definitely in the background. And Corey Haim.

Next season's previews looked an awful lot like scenes from this season.

6:53

-Buchanan (still a potential mole) and Karen have a touching moment.
-Breakfast, Karen? Umm, no I have a briefing or something.
-Breakfast, Chloe? No, well, here's Edgar's stuff.
-Oh, Edgar and Chloe in a completely uncharacteristic moment for both of them.
-Chloe goes home with Dave Attell.
-Audrey discovers Jack is missing.
-Hey, the Chinese. That kind of makes sense.
-Tough diplomats.
-So next season is in Bejing?
-And do Chinese agents really operate with such impunity in the US?
-I don't think you get one phone call in this sort of deal.
-Too valuable to kill . . . Really, this is where everyone goes wrong. You should kill Bauer when you have the opportunity. It's just going to come back to haunt you. Like Brock for Broglio.

"Not if I have anything to do with it. And I will."
"Karen. I was thinking about getting some breakfast." 'By breakfast I mean five minutes in the utility closet.'
"I found this in Edgar's possessions."
Hah. Was that picture taken at the company Christmas party?
Right on, the Chinese. What we don't know is that it was Jack Bauer who jumped in front of those tanks at Tiananmen.
"I know how this works. I need to make a phone call."
"Please. I just want a phone call."
Ah, a season of 24 set in Shanghai. Excellent. There's a billion people to kill.

Wow. That took some doing.

6:39

-First lady sobbing. Fortunately for the president, there's a coffin nearby.
-This isn't starting out as one of the more historic speeches in the world.
-Probably should not allow the first lady so near the microphones.
-See, the pen is bugged.
-The attorney general doesn't want to listen. Chloe plays it anyway.
-At this point, Martha is sobbing just because she has to listen to the whole speech.
-The attorney general has a direct line to the random Secret Servant agent.
-Can they just arrest the president like that? It seems unlikely.
-Oh, he's a federal marshall. Still not sure how that works.
-A microtransmitter.
-And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you kids and that crazy CTU agent.
-Can you remove a sitting president without all of the monitors from season two?
-Symbolism and such.
-14 minutes remaining. Just time for the president to be taken out by the terrorists or for Audrey to be offed.
-Ok, it looks like I was wrong on Audrey. Maybe next year.
-This is a little anticlimatic.
-Call from your daughter. Something about wolves . .
-Oooh, not anticlimiatic at all. I guess I should have seen this coming. The piano music was a bit much.
-I bet it's the Chinese.

Ten bucks if she grabs the mike and yells "Howard Stern rules!"
"And yet, a triumphant day." We killed all six remaining separatists whose ribs you can't count."
He planted a listening device on the President. Awesome. That's why they needed 6.8. 6.5 would have been laughable.
"With all due respect, Mr. Attorney General, are you sure this isn't some kind of mistake?" 'Where are we going to get duct tape and a pink tu-tu at this time of day.'
"You've probably never seen one of these. It's a micro-transmitter."
"You take your orders from me." -- "Not anymore."
"Watch your head, sir."
[06:46]
"When I heard that you kidnapped the President, I..."
"... they can debrief me tomorrow."
"I can't believe you're really here."
"From my daughter?"
"I'll be right back, I promise."
(She's being held hostage.)

6:30

-The president lands.
-Jack has failed.
-David Palmer's coffin is on the move. Maybe Allstate can hire that duck. Or a lizard or something.
-Martha does her best Ophelia. Hey nonni, nonni . . .
-The president goes into the hanger and does his best Othello.
-Of course the pen is bugged.
-The president halfway catches on. But really, this is an awfully elaborate plot for this show.
-Lots of back and forth between the president and first lady. This season had better not end with lots of scenes with the president talking.

Daytime. How quaint.
"Jack Bauer wasn't able to get the President to confess." 'And he's not even limping. I've never been more disappointment.'
My guess is that the pilots of the Presidential detail are going to have to deal with some extra precautions before too long.
"My God, David."
"Let them know I'll be back in a moment."
"What are you talking about?"
He's learned a thing or two from Jack. Secure. Frisk. Interrogate. 'I will shoot you if you don't name your co-conspirators, Marty.'
I covered it up because I had to.
"Your're insane!" (Says the lady who was making sculptures out of ear wax and dust bunnies as the season started.)
"Are we clear?" 'My editing skills, Gina?' 'I look like a blue berry!'

American Idol, but with dancing? Ugh. I guess they're not singing though.

"Is this some sort of broadcast?" (As Jack adjusts a camera.)
"I'm a little tougher than that."
"Other people were killed to cover that up."
"Before you leave here you wil admit it."
"... or so help me God, I will kill you."
No torture? I want my money back.
"I hope you understand, I have absolutely nothing to lose."
"Make no mistake, this is personal."
"I'm going to ask you one last time, who are your co-conspirators."
One.
"You'll make me a martyr."
Two.
"You're a man of honor."
Three.
Ah, the shakes. Heroin?
"It's right that you can't."
"Jack, they're here."
"I feel sorry for that man."
"It would be better if he were put in some sort of solitary confinement for the time being."

6:18

-The president is talking to Jack about toughness. He should also speak to him about being an interesting speaker.
-This is the first 24 interrogation without some sort of ambiguous chemical.
-Shoot him in the leg. Above the knee cap!
-Jack exposits for a bit.
-Count of three.
-And of course he can't do it. Not even the president believed that.
-Helicoptor in the background.
-And Jack is in custody.
-Ok, that's odd. I'm guessing the pen is bugged.

Ron Livingston is great. But a romedary action-adventure show?

Is this in real-time? Because that was really fast. Even if you throw twenty minutes for safety, that was pretty damn quick.
"He had me patch it through to the Secret Service outbuilding." (But they work for the Secret Service. And is there another outbuilding? The Food and Drug Administration outbuilding getting lots of activity this time of night? )
Again with the outbuilding.
"Some guy from central called and said my packet's all ... "
"... guess there was something wrong with his packet..." 'You play Lotto? How about that local sports team.'
"Mr. President -- I have a message from the White House." <zap>
"What are you trying to do, Jack?" -- "Are you going to kill me?"
"I have always acted in the country's best interests."
"This day is been trying enough. And now the President's been attacked."
"Undo your safety belt. Slowly."
Shooting a door open is pretty bad-ass, but imagine if you miss or it ricochets and shoots Logan in the femoral artery and he bleeds out before broadcasting at 6.8"
"Aw, that's President Logan, Jack." 'I just bought a settee because of his tax cuts.'
"If you don't have a confession by then, we'll all be arrested for treason."

24 -- Episode twenty-four

The following takes place between 6:00 AM and 7:00 AM . . .

-And I can't believe we made it through all 24 of these.
-Ok, I completely missed that. I thought he told the secret service he was ready to leave. That was incredibly fast, even by 24 time . . .
-Fake badge being made for Jack.
-Pilot is being called back. "You're due to be hit over the head, officer."
-Or choked. I forgot that this year's theme is choking.
-Jack makes his way to the helicoptor.
-The other pilot is not suspicious enough for his own good.
-Ron Franklin=Jack Bauer=Frank Something or another.
-The first lady plays to the president's ego and the fact that she's a little nutty.
-Jack pulls a gun on the pilot.
-Surely that have safeguards against this sort of thing.
-Jack is on the right side of taser justice this time.
-The president is trying to talk his way out of this.
-He's not a smart man the president.
-Seriously, of course Jack is wearing a wire. He is wearing a wire, right?
-Morris is heading to the industrial park.
-Does Marine 1, not have an escort. Maybe some Marines or something?
-More tasering.
-You see what I did to the door sir? I loved that door. Think what I'll do to you.
-Frisking the president. Not since Clinton . . .
-It's always dangerous meeting Jack . . . Basically no chance of not getting a gun drawn on you.
-10 minutes to respond to kidnapping the president? That just seems to be a long time for this show.

Ah, the graphic violence message...
By the way, an empty gun feels a ton lighter. But it is a .45. And who doesn't check?
I keep forgetting a lot of 24's throwaway dialogue is required for these little recaps.

Previously on 24 . . .

Hopefully no ones memory is bad enough to need this.

At least they didn't have a previews segment before this.

Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx? I don't know who should feel more depressed, Don Johnson or the wicker shoe industry.

5: -- something or another (this whole computer locking up thing has screwed up my timing . . . )

-Jack and Aaron on the move.
-Martha is trying to delay. Talking . . . very . . . slow.
-And she apologizes. That probably throws him for a loop. You know it's not everyday your actions result in the death of many people and the near death of tens of thousands more, and still someone apologizes to you.
-The president is pretty dumb, but is really going to fall for this?
-Apparently so . . .
-Ooh, she went too far when she feigned attraction to him.
-Creepy violin music. I think he's about to reveal he's Jason . . .
-Interesting they showed Henderson in a frame. Wonder why . . .

"The first lady knows what we intend to do?"
"They're using a Navy helicopter."
'You get me as close to that helicopter as possible and we'll make some magic.'
"I think I owe you an apology." -- "Alright."
"I've had horrible things said to me before."
"That I broke your heart and that you hated me."
"I never expected you to say anything like that." (I had you locked away for being bat-shit crazy but erratic behavior? Never.)
"I need you too. Fly with me to Washington."
"I have to go five minutes ago."
"Okay, Charles, you go."
My retina, my beautiful retina.
"I have a helicopter waiting for me."
"I can't."
"Tell the helicopter to stand by... And make sure I'm not disturbed."
Ten bucks says Henderson comes back to life in a robotic exoskeleton.
"If Logan doesn't confess, how far are you willing to go?"
"As far as I have to." I think he'll be pretty tired by then... Oh, killing him. Okay.

"Mike Novick"
"Aaron's with me right now." 'Hi, Jack. Sorry I missed your calls.'
"She and I both decided to bring Mike into this."
"How long will it take you to get here?" "Twenty minutes." (At 5:30AM during a military-enforced curfew.)
"I need access to a high-clearance workstation." "To modify some equipment."
"If anyone can do it, it's Morris."
"He's selling women's shoes in Beverly Hills." -- "Is this a joke?"
"Morris O'Brien. Chloe's ex-husband." 'He used to be a linebacker, but you try being married to Lucy from Peanuts.'
"You're the most attractive one."
"... I need a transfer rate of 6.8. I can only get to 6.5" 'And that's totally whack.'
"Call me when you're done."
"Is Aaron safe?"
"Jack Bauer will do whatever it takes to compel your husband to confess the truth." (Bamboo shoots and hooker spit.)
"You have to find a way to stall him."
[05:47]

(The junkie whore is not bad either? What kind of camera commercial is that?)

5:42

-Aaron and Mike burying a body in a shallow grave. Nothing else builds a strong friendship faster . . .
-Conspiring to set up the guilty president.
-The president is set to leave in 20 minutes. The math here says Audrey is dead in the finale.
-Karen Hayes is heading back to Washington. Buchanan (suspected mole) will be in charge shortly.
-Chloe is such a bad liar.
-Chloe has an ex-husband? Really? This seems like an unnecessary twist.
-Dave Attell? Again?
-Chloe needs a certified digital audio transfer of 6.8. Turns out she can do only 6.5. Edgar . . . much less these days.
-Mike asks Martha to stall. Not sure I understand Martha's reluctance. She just has to act crazy, right?

Do we really need another Superman movie?

5:30(?)

-No one believes Jack was fired on.
-Chloe is off to conspire with Jack.
-Jack is off to kill Logan.
-The president is still weasely
-The first lady is going to confide in Mike. This may not be a good idea.
-Bauer is the last loose end for the president to clean up.
-Mike sees the body and feigns disgust.
-Aaron will escape in the back of Mike's car.
-Ooh, not sure if Aaron will make it. I'm still leaning toward the first lady being offed though.
-Touching moment . . . and back to the violence in two and two.

Damn computer . . .

24 -- Episode twenty-three

The following takes place between 5:00 AM and 6:00 AM . . .

So I have a whole page of stuff hear and right before the commercial, my computer locks up. Damnit . . .

Assume that the comments were insightful and somewhat humorous. Oh, and I called McCullough's death.

Damnit . . .

"My name is Jack Bauer... All the hostiles are dead."
"Lieutenant, I need access to a vehicle."
"He fired on me -- I didn't have a choice."
"The Navy needs our access codes for their report. Pick up."
"I'm not coming back to CTU, I'm going after Logan."
"I'll need to field modify my equipment." "That's not exactly my area, Jack." "Then get some help."
"It's over."
"I'll need to make a statement before I go back to Washington."
"Good. Thanks, Mike. For everything. It's been a helluva day." Let's go to Chili's and grab an O'Douls afterwards.
(whispering) "Mike"
"Mike, I know you've been troubled by the President's actions today."
"There's still Jack Bauer..." '... who will certainly kill us all.'
"Agent Adams tried to kill me -- the President's orders."
"We need your help." "The President had something to do with this?"
"We need to get Aaron off the ranch. There can't be a record of it." 'Quick, find some pillows and a cow bell.'
"Aaron. I'll be fine. I'll go somewhere that your husband's people can't find me."
"It'll be safer if we don't have any contact." 'I had that part shot off at Inchon anyway.'
[05:35]

Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa? Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa.

Okay, back to wearing masks. Those seals are definitely not rubber.
The coordinates for the targets. (Where did he have those?)
"... will be remembered by our countrymen forever." The generic non-descript country that we don't feel like making a big deal about.
What, no piping the files over? Did you add her to your buddy list, Admiral? 'thx 4 tha w@rn1ng! lol ttyl'
"What's a signal tube?"
"Code 7, S.O.S."
"I have a utility tool -- it has a knife on it." 'Also a corkscrew and a leather punch. And a lemon zester.'
"F-18 are scrambling as we speak..."
"I'm still waiting to talk to Mike Novick."
"I'll call you as soon as I get a hold of Mike."
"I won't know for certain until I see how their targeting software is configured." (Psst, it'll be in Cyrillic.)
"... and sever the vocal chords and the carotid artery" I predict plenty of emergency room visits in Middle America.
Terrorist #1.
Can't really follow directions, can he?
"Open the hatch."
Terrorist #2.
"Guard is down, going in."
"You have less than seven minutes until they launch."
"I do not want you to engage them. Do you understand me?"
"I want you to overlap these population centers in San Francisco." 'There, where they filmed the Full House... How could Uncle Jesse let Rebecca Romijn go without a fight. Kill them all.'
"Jack, the missiles are armed. Three minutes to launch."
Terrorist #3.
"I'm going to have to manually reverse all these codes."
Terrorist #4.
"Sixty seconds until they launch."
Terrorist #5.
Terrorist #6.
Jack Bauer -- you can hit him in the face with a $1500 wrench and he'll still burn off someone's face and snap the neck of a terrorist mastermind without breaking a sweat. Okay, a little sweat.
"You were never really going to let me go, were you?" -- "No."
<click> <click>
"Good for you, Jack."
"You were responsible for the deaths of David Palmer, Tony Almeda and Michelle Dessler. They were friends of mine."
"That's the way it works"
Terrorist #7.

The Admiral from the 'Shoot Down the Plane' scenes this season was played by Tom Wright.


George: (Holding camera) Look at this, I only have one picture left... How 'bout a shot of me and Mr. Morgan?

Morgan: Why?

George: Why? Because we're a team! C'mon! Would you take this for us, dear? Thank you very much. Here we go... (To Morgan) Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Sugar Ray Leonard? Yeah, you must get that all the time.

Morgan: I suppose we all look alike to you, right Costanza?

George: No, not a racial thing, there really is a resemblance...

Source: Seinfeld Scripts

Comment, comments, comments . . .

So, in checking the site this morning, I noticed that we had lots of comments from last night and early this morning. It looks like we're getting pretty popular. Here's a sampling of what our readers had to say . . .

Anonymous writes . . .
Nice idea with this site its better than most of the rubbish I come across.

Thanks Anonymous. I agree. Most sites are absolute crap!

Anonymous writes . . .
What a great site, how do you build such a cool site, its excellent.

Thanks for the compliment. As to your question, it's actually quite difficult to build a site like this. There's lots of clicking of buttons, choosing radio buttons, and sometimes even typing.

Anonymous writes . . .
Very pretty design! Keep up the good work. Thanks.

I'm glad you like the design, but I have to give all the credit to Joe. He came up with the idea of using a motif of "a lot of black, and maybe some gray text to help with readability."

Anonymous writes . . .
I love your website. It has a lot of great pictures and is very informative.

You must be referring to either the blogger logo or Joe's certificate indicating that he's a finalist for the Da Vinci code game. In either case, those aren't our pictures. But I'm glad you find the site informative.

Anonymous writes . . .
Looks nice! Awesome content. Good job guys

This comment was in reference to Joe calling the guy Jack knocks out on the airplane Vegetable Lasagna. I'm glad someone got that reference. It was pretty arcane. This is why I went with calling him Vladimir Putin.

Anonymous writes . . .
Very best site. Keep working. Will return in the near future.

Well, "very best site" might be a little strong. We're certainly not in Jakob Nielsen territory, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Anonymous writes . . .
Hmm I love the idea behind this website, very unique.

You may be surprised to learn this, but there are actually a few other people who liveblog events, even some who live blog 24. What makes us unique is that, as you can see by the comment from anonymous we aren't rubbish.

Anonymous writes . . .
Your are Excellent. And so is your site! Keep up the good work. Bookmarked.

Back at you anonymous! I like your site too. I especially liked how it was a list of links to various topics. That's definitely helpful, and I bet your Google page rank is tops!

Anonymous writes . . .
Very pretty design! Keep up the good work. Thanks.

Again, Joe gets all the credit for the design. Although, I did make a change so that the date of the post appears, rather than just the time. So, it's sort of a collaborative effort.

Anonymous writes . . .
I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!

You must be referring to the way in which we use our words to draw mental images that make you laugh, and sometime think. So, thanks!

Anonymous writes . . .
Your are Nice. And so is your site! Maybe you need some more pictures. Will return in the near future.

We like to think that we are nice. So, thanks for that. Our site, however, we prefer to think of as edgy. You know, the kind of site that sticks it to the man. Probably deep down the site is nice, but there's a hard exterior that you won't be able to easily penetrate. Oh, and thanks for your suggestion about the pictures. We look forward to your return!

Anonymous writes . . .
Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.

Greets back at you. You stay employed as well!

Anonymous writes . . .
Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.

I'm afraid that you've hit on a common misconception, anonymous reader. This site is not really for beginners such as yourself. If you want to get started with examining gratuitous violence in television shows, you must first understand violence up close. I'd recommend taking up boxing or head to the front lines of a WTO protest.

Anonymous writes . . .
Hallo I absolutely adore your site. You have beautiful graphics I have ever seen.

[Clearly, this user is not a native speaker of English. Forgive me while I respond appropriately.]: Hallo! Juan es de Madrid. Julio es un estudiante. Están en la playa.

Anonymous writes . . .
Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou.

Well, this really isn't a script or a guestbook. This is a web log, or blog. This probably isn't the best place to go into the details, but you can learn more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog.

Anonymous writes . . .
Really amazing! Useful information. All the best.

And all the best to you to. Thanks for each of your wonderful comments. I'm sorry I couldn't get to all of them. There were just too many to read. I also enjoyed going to see all of your sites. I'm glad to know there are so many resources to find links to stuff.

Oh, and in other news, I've disabled commenting by unregistered users.

Goodnight everyone . . .

FYI, 24-esque Family Guy intro with Keifer Sutherland guest voicing?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chloe O'Brien.

"Donald Rumsfeld is a Straight Up Murderer." Hilarious. Samburg's Bright Eyes drop-in was unexpected and quite good.

If you have one of greatest talents in American theatre, don't use him in a series of crap sketches.

Oh, great, an annoying couple. That's totally different than the not-funny annoying pan-European couple. I'm sure Kristen Wiig is quite nice but I'd like to see her featured in something, you know, comical. Sorry, the Target parody is decidedly not funny.

"I'm Carol?" Really? That has to be a laugh track I'm hearing because this has never been funny.

The Spacey/Samburg 'Usual Suspects' bit was perfect and hilarious.

I wasn't aware Timbaland could do more than add emphatic 'Mmms.' and 'Yeahs' anymore. The Timbalan' and Magoo catalog is a force to be reckoned with if you can find some good speakers and probably should be issued with all car stereo systems.

The Sharon Stone joke was funny.
The duck joke was funny. The alligator gag was funny.
'Religion Gone Nuts' was not funny.
And yes, you definitely don't hide it in a lab.
'Congratulations, you're crazy.' Funny.

The Falconer. I usually hate this sketch. The time travel concept is really funny. Huge costume changes.
Sarcasm sketch. A lot to think about.

Okay, I hate to do this since comedy is decidely hard and I'm not saying I'd be good at it or know anything about it, but I really can't tolerate watching SNL in realtime (as I am now -- I'd prefer to be able to fast-forward through this Taylor Hicks bit) anymore. This is my SNL roundup for the next year...

Top Shelf
Tina Fey. Funny.
Bill Hader. Funny. If you have to pay Paris Hilton to date Al Pacino so you can work him into a sketch every week, do it.
Amy Poehler. Very funny.
Finesse Mitchell ('you are a magician' -- hilarious)
Seth Meyers. Great straight guy.
Maya Rudolph. Funny. Don't use your Euro accent ever again.
Kenan Thompson.
Andy Samberg. Hilarious.

Should Keep In The Same Way The Pats Should Have Kept Vinateri
Horatio Sanz. I know Tina Fey had some part in greenlighting 'Carol' but you're wasting his Unintentional Comedy potential with a sketch that involves a single, unfunny premise thrown at the audience several times in the hope of getting a giggle from someone's mother in Tulsa who is unacquainted with sexual innuendo.

Keep With Conditions
Will Forte. Never, ever sing. Not on Weekend Update, not ever. Don't do anything with your voice other than speak in your normal voice. Never, ever say these words at a meeting: "How about I do a bit with a falsetto?"
Darrell Hammond. Don't do gimmick impersonations.
Jason Sudeikis. I'm sure he could be funny. Don't play characters that America would punch in the face if given the chance.

Drop Immediately
Fred Armisen. Very talented. But should be on Mad TV where I could not watch him.
Rachel Dratch. Also very talented. The Oteri of the current set. Probably will garner a 'Best Of' that will last 35 minutes.
Chris Parnell. Again, probably great at parties. I'm sure you could trade him to another show (say, 'Best Week Ever') and get a few farm-team players to develop.

Pick Up Immediately
Michael Ian Black
Thomas Lennon
Kerri Kenney
Michael Showalter
Ben Garant
Joe Lo Truglio
Ken Marino
Kevin Allison
Michael Patrick Jann
David Wain
The Guy from the Cingular Commercial

The Da Vinci Code Quest Final Challenge



Total time: I'm guessing fourteen, maybe fifteen hours. Paris here I come.

By the way, in case you weren't aware. John Carlin is an incredibly short man. 3'10 at most.

Victory Stadium is going to be torn down. Woohoo! Rather tired of hearing about it.

Duke University lacrosse players on the local news. Innocent or not, rich lacrosse players don't make sympathetic figures when they make statements.

Not so great this week. But a two hour season finale next week.

My prediction: Audrey dies.

My longshot call is still that Bill Buchanan is a mole.

"Your husband can't suspect that anything has gone wrong. And find Mike Novick." 'He's the best in the business at subverting the Constitution.'
The Port of Los Angeles
"Find the ranking U.S. officer on the Natalia(?) and get them to lock out their weapons systems."
"Audrey, stay on the line."
"We think the terrorists are after your missiles on the sub."
"We've lost him. Notify DOD."
A Russian submarine has codes that can be entered in using English alphabetic characters. I did not know that.

4:52

-Touching moment with the first lady and honest guy.
-Tell Mike Novick everything. He's the only hope. That's just friggin' hilarious.
-I'm thinking they won't kill honest guy. The first lady though . . .
-Chloe's decrypted the files. And they're for a Russian submarine. Perhaps a nuclear launch submarine . . . ?
-No, not nuclear.
-Henderson and Jack are off to save the world.
-Jack calls ahead to secure the submarine. There is almost certainly a mole on the submarine.
-Nope, just garden variety terrorists.
-Wait a minute . . . doesn't the centox last for several minutes and burn through the skin (and even rubber seals!). How is it possible that they're going in the airtight submarine?
-"Read me the code we got from Molina." Seems odd they'd specify Molina. What other code would they be talking about?

[04:40AM]
Curtis is the new Tony.
"I want a man on each possible escape route." 'You, you and you. Start digging tunnels. You, go get a hot-air balloon.'
"I don't need another reason to put a bullet in your brain."
"What do you want, Chris?" ... "You're going to want to hear what I have to say."
Completely plausible body scanner.
"Secure the files, crash the system. Stop wasting time and do it."
Curtis takes one in the shoulder. He's taking this 'New Tony' thing pretty seriously.
"You jumped the gun." Something about lifting the firewall so he could copy files to a USB drive. Hmm.
"Cuff him."
[04:47AM]

4:40

-CTU coming up on Molina's place (Yadier, I think).
-No wire for Henderson.
-Monk?
-Henderson is in the building and Jack is on the move.
-Scanning for bugs. Nice pants.
-For all this security, he doesn't have an alarm for the roof?
-Henderson warns Molina.
-The computers would probably delete a lot faster without all of the fancy graphics.
-Shoot out. Curtis is hit. Molina down.
-CTU and Henderson have a failure to communicate.
-Chloe is through the firewall (Phoenix!) and is decrypting the files.

4:29

-Chloe is doing a phone check on 14 names.
-Tactical on alert.
-Audrey is out of the hospital unit to prepare to be killed by Henderson.
-By the way, Buchanan is definitely a mole.
-Why couldn't they hold Miles. It's not like they worry about legalities all that much.
-Henderson is laying down the authority.
-Henderson things the terrorist computer setup makes CTU look like an internet cafe. It's mostly the espresso bar they set up an Edgar's old desk.
-A phoenix shield . . Hah! It's poison pill firewall. Not even Edgar can get through that . . . anymore . . .
-Aaron being carted off.
-Get in the trunk.
-Are you going to shoot the first lady?
-Aaron to the rescue. And score one for the crazy lady.

4:13

-The first lady is not so great at taking pills. That odd violin music is pretty distracting.
-The president comes by to return Aaron's phone.
-Having this president sit down and talk to you is likely a violation of the Geneva convention.
-Aaron is man of principle. Dead soon, but still.
-Does the Secret Service really off people? It just seems unlikely.
-Geeky looking terrorist screening his calls.
-How does the president believe this guy?
-Quick. Hide your phone, it's Mike.
-Can't track Bierko.
-And they're going to make a deal with Henderson. I bet he asks for a signed letter from the president.
-Anyone remember Jack going into the interrogation room to make a deal with the guy in season two?
-Jack's going to kill this guy before the season is out. No question.
-Maybe help him out of the country, but still kill him.

24 -- Episode twenty-two

The following takes place between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM . . .

-Chloe has a T-1 line hooked into the attorney general? Not sure where that port would be.
-Impeachment proceedings against the president.
-Awkward moment with the attorney general.
-Security at CTU should really stop trying to get in Jack's way.
-Jack's really big on choking this year.
-Oh, Karen. A slap's just not going to have the same effect.
-The president on the line. This is going to be awkward.
-Jack's arrest warrent is lifted. This is likely going to result in an attempt on his life.
-Bierko has escaped.
-One more nerve gas cannister. You remember nerve gas, right? From a couple of months ago? Centox and what not.
-Bierko has been put together from various parts of other criminals.

Ok, while we're waiting on 24, here's this week's crop report . . .

The big news this week is the aftermath of tree worm treatments. The tree company injected a pesticide in the ground, potentially wreaking havoc on some of the early crop.

In other news, the weather has been cool and rainy, bad for getting summer crops in the ground but great for the early season crops.

Individual crops . . .

Lettuce - DOWN 2.5 Points: Lettuce futures plummeted this week after the harvest from all four plants had to be discarded for fear of contamination from pesticide. Likely the lettuce will have to be discarded next week as well.

-Sugar snap peas - EVEN: A good early harvest outweighed the fears of pesticide contamination. A good harvest is in the works for the coming weeks.

-Spinach - UP .5 points: Planted safely away from the tree, there are no fears of pesticide contamination here. All plants have withstood recent storms and minor pest damage. With cool weather this week, harvest is expected to begin in a week.

-Broccoli - UP .25: Signs of growth in broccoli this week, but still nowhere near first harvest.

-Asparagus - TRADING ENDED: Asparagus harvest ended last week.

-Cilantro - EVEN: Not yet large enough to harvest, but in a week or two, early harvesting should be feasible.

In other news, last years oregano planting has returned. Some harvesting has already begun. Next week, perhaps more crops will be planted, weather permitting.

That's it for this weeks crop report. We now return with 24.

24 -- Episode twenty-two

The following takes place between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM . . .

Wait a minute . . . What the hell? This doesn't seem right. They did cut a guy's hand off to get out of handcuffs a couple of years back. I guess the president's speech delayed Prison Break. How much longer does it have?

"T1 line hooked into the Attorney General." And an OC-3 line connected to the Lincoln Memorial.
"Fine."
"Check your overlay. Check the connection." 'Jiggle it. Jiggle it, now!'
"If there was something on the memory chip, it's been erased." Which is how flash memory works. Just flash something at it and it clears it. This is different from magnetic memory which is like an Etch-A-Sketch. (shake it to erase).
Miles is about the get hurt.
"Transfer to where?" -- "The White House."
"How could you do this Miles? This is not over. There will be an investigation."
"I work for the President."
Weak. Can't Jack just rip our one eye or something. Low budgets mean he'll have to do it for real. I don't mind terribly. He can play a pirate for the rest of his career.
"Take the recorder back to processing." I predict fancy camera angles from the recorder's perspective.
"Karen, what's this I hear about a conference call with the Attorney General?" 'Nope, uh, we were just testing connecting T1 lines to things. We've had successful tests until we got to the chihuahua.
"I'm suspending the arrest order against Jack Bauer."
"Thanks Karen. Good work."
"Bierko's escaped." Wow, I can't believe they resisted the urge to smack us in the face with that one.
Hey, one canister of nerve gas!
"We can't do much with one canister of nerve gas." -- "You're wrong."

---

"Make sure that it's returned to him."
"No, there's nothing else."
[04:14AM]
"I'm sorry about this, Aaron."
"Listen to me Aaron. You think you know what's going on. I'm here to tell you you don't."
"That recording doesn't exist."
"You're not hearing what I'm saying. That recording doesn't exist."
"I need to know that we can put this behind us."
"... whatever post you want. Except for the White House of course."
"There is nothing you have said or done that's acceptable to me in the least. You're a traitor to the country and a disgrace to your office..."
"Is there anything else, Charles?" Oh, snap. He called him Charles. Chuck would have been funnier. Or breaking his restraints and snapping his neck after calling him Mary.
"His loyalty is to David Palmer. He's going to be a problem."
"Can't do anything without proof."
"As for Aaron Pierce, that's another matter."
"Mike? I just got off the phone with Karen Hayes."
"They have reason to believe that Bierko might be readying another terrorist attack."
"Keep me apprised of the progress."
"Chloe, any luck?"
"I'm backstreaming now."
"4AM in the middle of a curfew..."
"No, not this time. Noth this man."
"You think this is about a grudge?" 'Last time I had a grudge, it was against the Irish in the mid-nineteenth century.'
"Jack, what would David Palmer want you to do if he was here." 'Kill Henderson and President Logan?'
"If you're going to give him a deal, at least let me present it." 'You you want a deal or to have your face smashed in?'
"You call yourself a patriot. Prove it." 'Recite the second verse of the Star-Spangled Banner?'
"... not the version you read about on the op-ed pages of the New York Times."
"You can't really think that Charles Logan masterminded this all by himself."
"I know what your word is worth to you. That's all I need."
"Bierko is going to hit hard, so you'd better think fast."
---
"Chloe, I want you working out of the Situation Room."
"Not a Phoenix! It's a poison-pill firewall. Any attempt at circumventing it and the hard drive does a cold-start erase. At which you can forget about retrieving any data." (Plausible. But barely.)
If he tries anything, I swear to you I will kill him." 'Ah, he took the last Tic-Tac. Thwap.'
"You're going to shoot me? I'm the First Lady. Are you going to shoot the First Lady?"
"Hey, Martha offed a guy."
"Aaron! Stay with me." (He just got smacked around. He's not dying in standard 24-Physics."
---

If I were the President, I'd stop talking up the 'hopefulness' of the country. It elected you into office. Twice. Well, once.

What's this nonsense with the left turns car commercial? Does this make some kind of sense that I'm just not getting?

Mourners remember David Palmer.
"You know what really gets me, Charles.... I had no idea you were such a good liar." You kept saying I was the one that was lousy in the sack, but now...
Let's see how good those Secret Service agents are with the barrel against my temple...
Why not get a couple of hookers and some coke if you're going to kill yourself... (I should really work the hotline.)
I have an urgent call from CTU.
"He says it's concerning Jack Bauer."
"Mr. President. You don't know me. My name is Miles McSmarmy..."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I feel compelled to intervene." (Jack Bauer can snap this guy like a twig. And will, I hope.)

3:51

-Oh yeah, I forgot Martha. So we're not done with the president yet, are we?
-Oh, crap. She's going to talk him out of it, isn't she?
-Nope, here he goes. Even in death, he's taking up way too much air time.
-What do you want to bet the gun is just a fake lighter.
-What's this beeping? Oh damn, is this Miles? How does he even get through to president?
-The president is going to text Miles his private number. And then they'll add each other as friends on myspace. I think that's how it goes.
-I think I missed that. Did he put his hand near the recording or something?

Hmm, a search area of over three square miles. Can't see him but yeah, I guess he's gone.
Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring.
Jack, the Attorney General is in his office.
Apply a digital signature so we can establish a chain of evidence. Terrorist -> Jack -> Heller -> Jack -> Terrorist -> Henchman/Pilot -> Jack -> Chloe O'Fricken-Brien
Quiet time in Medical. Oh yeah, my best friend died over there a few hours ago. Good times.
"I've been trying to reach you."
"I've just been told that the Attorney General's office received a call from the head of CTU."
"I still believe we were in the right. The spectacle of a sittting president on trial for murder..." ... of another President.
"If only we could keep a trial from taking place..." Easy precedent. Label yourself an enemy combatant.

3:40

-President Logan is panicing.
-And the president is surprised that Jack got away. If Logan were smarter he'd be in exile by now.
-Logan needs some alone time. When you don't take calls from the terrorists with whom you've been collaborating, they tend to worry.
-Oh, there will be drama forthcoming with Chloe and the recording.
-Jack and Audrey reunite for one brief moment of happiness before Audrey is offed.
-Jack: "We did it" Audrey: "It's over . . . and earlier than normal . . ."
-I have no trust or liking of people who have phones attached to their ears like this.
-The president is going to have his Clemenza moment.
-Do they really issue the president a 9mm?

"We've been given orders to detain anyone in this perimeter."
"We're, uh, looking for Jack Bauer, despite the fact that we're driving away from the plane."
"Stand down."
"I'm watching you work with two people who are under arrest." And that Chloe O'Brien really gets stuck in my craw.
"He's been nothing but loyal." Meaning smarmy.
"I don't appreciate being shut out."
"I don't deserve this." (I deserve to be shot in the face.)
"You're working against the most powerful man in the world."
"Let's say he is. Let's say that recording implicates the President. Then what?"
"Tell me what you need."
"Miles. It's imperative this stay between us."
Bierko is getting Bauer-esque if he can (inevitably) escape.

3:27

-The president is answering the terrorist again. Does this guy remember Nixon at all?
-Two battalions of Marines after Jack.
-Curtis approaching from the North.
-That's the worst example of cordoning off since the Tora Bora.
-Road block. Curtis kicks a little verbal ass.
-Miles is just the worst.
-Can't Karen just tell Miles to shut the hell up and work for a couple of hours?
-Obviously a mistake to let Miles in on the whole story.
-Moving Bierko. The question is who kills Audrey? Bierko or Henderson. I say Henderson. Further, I say Jack let's her die in order to save the Country. There's really no other way.
-The prisoner transport driver is a terrorist. Tip to future terrorists: When you nod at your co-terrorists, people will notice.

Two battalions of Marines? He ordered two battalions to a one-mile stretch of freeway? Isn't that like a thousand people?

When you sell your formerly anti-establishment song to IBM, doesn't that make you like everybody else? Well, doesn't it Mr. Davies?

3:16

-Chloe has returned. Not even the CTU employees can believe they're using this plot point again.
-Chloe, can you open up a socket with ATC transfer protocol? Well, I know that Edgar can't . . . anymore.
-Emergency plane landing coming.
-What has the Admiral been in?
-Chloe has the ATC radar plot. Scott Simon nods knowingly.
-The co-pilot is having a breakdown. Jack is completely calm.
-Admiral recommends that the president abort. The president is taking a pro-life position.
-Marine units to the area to apprehend Jack Bauer.
-The co-pilot is awfully complainy for a conspirator.
-Jack doesn't need that ridiculous balloon thing to exit the plane.

"What's Chloe O'Brien doing here?"
Can you blahbitty-blah a ATC radar-tracking plot?
Fancy coordinates.
118 freeway.
Wow, the F-118 is locked on already? Oh, radar lock not missile lock.
Are they supposed to be over the desert? It looks like they're over Manhattan.
"Parameters have changed."
"The Admiral is right! There's no reason to do this."
"Abort. But if they don't land, I want you to shoot them down immediately."
"I'm handing the controls over to you."
"Lower the landing gear!" "We're going too fast!" "Lower the landing gear now!"
"Touch it down!" "We're going too fast!" "Touch it down now!"
"Move in with me!" "We're going too fast!" "Move in with me now!"

Shoot down the plane. Sure.
"Can you patch me through to Karen Hayes?"
"I've got the recording -- it was on the co-pilot."
"Audrey. I have some great news -- your father survived the crash." What. The. Hell.
Now that the big boys are writing the last episodes they're trying to undo the damage done by the Alf/Fall Guy/The Nanny writers earlier in the season.
"You've got to get to Jack first."
A VCI distress signal. Seems like the established response is to shoot it down. Hmm.
Hmm.
Just to recap, there's a code that the pilot sends that says 'Kill me and all the civilians on board as soon as possible.' It seems like a terrorist who wants to take out a planeload of people can just become a co-pilot, take out the pilot and press a button.

24 -- Episode twenty-one

The following takes place between 3:00 AM and 4:00 AM . . .

-Wow, the previously section is going way back in time.
-Co-pilot is bleeding and complaining a little much for someone with a gun to the back of his head.
-Bill Buchanan (who I still feel is suspect) is "back in play".
-Audrey's father is inexplicably alive. This pretty much means that either Heller or Audrey will die before the season is out. I predict Audrey (hint: Henderson is secured in holding and Curtis is leaving the CTU building).
-BCI distress signal will give the president the authority to shoot down the plane.
-The terrorist is surprised that the president sounds reluctant. They've obviously never met in person.
-Given that there are no other competent analysts, they have to bring back Chloe . . . again.
-The president plays dumb better than anyone. "What's a BCI distress code?"
-Mike is suspicious. If anyone can detect a lie . . .
-Mike doesn't believe Jack would use a plane to kill people. He knows Jack could kill just as many with his pistol and cell phone . . . and do it faster.
-CTU warns Jack. Everyone knows what BCI (VCI?) means except the president.
-Nowhere to land. Need 5000 feet. Everything's flat out that way, right?

2:54

-More tasering.
-The co-pilot is the guy.
-Guy tries to be a hero. No support from the masses though.
-The captain unlocks the door.
-I'm the only man who can fly this pla . . . thud.
-The plane will be on the ground in less than 14 minutes.
-More Martha/Logan scenes. You really should never call your ex when you're drunk.
-And the president will have the plane shot down.

"Chloe O'Brien, taser superstar."
That guy should have been shot.
"I'm fine."
"This conversation is over."
The captain was the bad guy in a MacGyver epidode. I think he was a bad guy in The Fall Guy as well. And Knight Rider. And the A-Team. And Magnum P.I. Probably Space Ghost.
"Give me the recording."
"We'll talk later."
"Yes. Bauer's got the evidence. We just picked up a phone call from Chloe O'Brien to Karen Hayes." And other such chatter.

2:43

-The president wants an update on the hijacking on a minute by minute basis. He's just bored is all.
-It's not technically a hijacking . . .
-Cue innocent guy being tortured plot line.
-Miles is trying to make an end run around Karen Hayes. Mike is having none of it.
-Miles is such a narc.
-Karen turns off the Web-cam in the interrogation room.
-The president orders the plane land.
-Mike: Jack Bauer is always on the right side. Just think of the number of times he's opposed me.
-Logan: "He's played us all for fools."

Is there a reason that Jack can't just tell the passengers that he's a federal agent? He's a master tactician but clearly hasn't seen what kind of propaganda United 93 has become. He's totally going to get punked by some scrub who's watched too many Discovery Channel specials.

"Are you saying he hijacked the plane?"
"Just keep helping Jack."
"... you little ass-kisser." Rock on, Bill.
"What's Bauer doing on Flight 520?"
"Put me through to Mike Novick. I'd like to preface..."
"Make no mistake, I am still in charge of this facility."
"This man is desperate. We need to take him out now. Dead or alive."
"When it lands, I want my Secret Service detail to take him into custody."
"I don't have the authority to keep that plane for landing."
"Well, right now he's hijacking planes."
"Do you really believe that, sir?"
[02:49]
(Wow, a lot of activity at the bar in the Howard Johnson's at two in the morning.)

2:29

-Mike skulks into the first lady's suite. So . . . I hear you're available . . .
-Heh, Hans Meyer isn't the guy. So Jack has knocked out two innocent people, and no tape.
-Trapped in the hull, and the air pressure is dropping. And the luggage is full of snakes!!
-Chloe doesn't know if she can patch Jack through to the pilot. Reposition satellites, no problem. Seems like maybe she could reprogram the satellites to spell out what she's trying to say.
-A little taser action.
-The captain doesn't believe Jack.
-Jack begins dismantling the plane.
-And the captain comes around to Jack's way of thinking.
-Anyone think that the air marshall is the guy?
-Air marshall in the cargo hold.
-The captain is going to land the plane.

Let's see, Jack Bauer knocking out people left and right, but clearly America wants to see more in the continuing saga of Mrs. Logan and her pills.
"Are you calling me a liar."
"You're both covering something up." I know patchouli when I smell it.
"I don't think Vegetable Lasagna is our guy."
"Captain, the Air Marshal says the baggage area is secure."
"Chloe, you need to patch me into the pilot."
"Jack needs us to patch him into the pilot of the flight."
"CTU Series 4." You don't want to see the poor bastards that tried to pipe a DoD stream on the Series 3's. It takes a long time to paint your eyebrows on every morning.
"There's no point in taking a chance."
"You son-of-a-bitch." That captain is certainly going to die. If the happy-go-lucky bank manager gets killed, this guy needs to get offed.

"Hi, I'm the Air Marshal." If you have a bag of pretzels, you'll need to bring them along as well. Also, if you could knock yourself out as soon as we step behind the curtain, that'd be a big help.
"They've cut me off from my medication."
"I need something now."
"Mike, I just need to get some sleep. My nerves are shot..." ... much like I was shot at today. Can I get some of my damned medicine?
"You don't have to tell me. I know. Is there anything else?" "No." "Good."
"Mr. President." "Mike."
""She shouldn't be wasting your time with this anyway."
"If there's something going on that I don't know about that involves national security, it is my business."
"She's reacting to that, Mike." "I see. I'm sorry, sir."
"Give her what she wants. She's in a lot of pain."
"What are you doing? Homework." "Yeah." "I didn't know they had WiFi here. When you come up for air, I'm buying."
CTU 99-A-12
"What's going on here?" "Sit down sir. Now, sir." Hank, get the taser!
"Secure the cabin."
"Dammit, he's got my gun." And my underwear. How did he do that?
---
Hmm, Tom Cruise being shot at and likely nearly dying. Sounds like a blockbuster.

2:14
-Hans Meyer has the tape.
-Vladamir Putin?
-Take a step, nice.
-Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Logan? Do you want me to seduce you Justin?
-Mike Novick to the rescue.
-Martha, it's me. You can tell me anything. I mean you wouldn't believe some the terrible things I've done.
-Who does the head terrorist remind me of?
-No more pills for Martha.
-How can their be a conspiracy in the White House without Mike not being involved? I just can't get past this.
-Nice save for Logan.
-Vladamir Putin says he knows nothing. I wonder if the Air Marshall is still out.
-Stereotypical creepy guy hits on Chloe.
-Turbulence, missing passenger, air marshall is knocked out, and panic.
-The plane will return to LA. Ok, so if an airplane leaves LA at 2:00 and turns around at 2:25, at what time will the airplane arrive in LA?

Golden when the moon shines... Whoo!
The President has betrayed the country, but the evidence Jack Bauer need is at 25,000 feet -- and falling.
'It's a chartered diplomatic flight. We've tried everything a regular guy in his living room can do but there's no way we can delay it.'
"What? Why?"
"I want it in the situation room. Go."
I'm going to have to run interference.
Dry channel. 1-5 or 2-7.
"Why is she..?" "Sweet Lord, Chloe, just go."
"Do you have a warrant?"
"This is a recent file from COM. Only O'Brien could access it." Only Spencer can reprogram a PDA. Only Edgar could choke on his own vomit.
Papeysian? Is that his name? That guy is just awful.
"Set up a grid search for Chloe." Maybe try a matrix-thingie.
"They are field-trained for interrogation. Why are you bringing him here?"
Beep boop bop.
Mirmont Hotel.
Diplomatic Flight 520. To Frankfurt. Put it onto the shared volume. Wait, that actually exists. Holy crap.
"See that? 21st Century Woman. We better get used to it."
What is Jack doing? Can't get comfortable? Let's just lift up the trap door.
Is this seat taken? Elbow-to-the-face-says-what?

24 -- Episode twenty

The following takes place between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM . . .

-Chloe's doing something with the Comm gear.
-Bauer on a plane.
-Chloe will call on a dry channel. Hopefully she'll make curfew. Otherwise she'll be SO grounded.
-Buchanan is stripping for Homeland Security.
-Only O'Brien could access this file . . . or Edgar . . .
-Chloe stops in at the Regal Beagle . . . which apparently has wireless access.
-Jack wants to know the air marshall's seat number. This will not turn out well for the air marshall.
-George Avilla=Air Marshall.
-How does no one notice that Jack just came up through the floor?
-Heh, this is the least attentive group of travellers ever. Someone should check the carbon monoxide level of the cabin.