(Joe) Should be an awesome episode next week.
(Scott) Awesome, finger cutting next week.
(Scott) I'm out . . .

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(Scott) So, 300 is just a film of some guy playing a video game, right?
(Scott) By the way, this bike commercial, that's like watching Chris ride.
(Scott) Except Chris has a bike when he falls.
(Scott) 4:53
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe on the move.
(Joe) 04:53:40
(Scott) Whistling "Act Natural"
(Joe) Not suspicious at all.
(Scott) Not carrying a bomb, not carrying a bomb, not carrying a bomb.
(Joe) Who uses micro-cassettes anymore?
(Scott) That is the least smooth thing I've ever seen.
(Joe) Is he sticking it underneath or something.
(Joe) ?
(Joe) That is not smooth.
(Scott) 642 + Ctrl, no . . .
(Scott) Shift f1 + 54?
(Joe) He's the deputy Chief of Staff? Josh Lyman is going to kill the President? Was Wayne Palmer elected?
(Joe) How is this possible?
(Joe) Steam.
(Joe) Pipe.
(Joe) Trunk.
(Joe) Distribution.
(Joe) Venue.
(Scott) Lennox's plan is to make it uncomfortably warm.
(Scott) That is the plan you'd expect from the heating/air guy.
(Scott) I am an elite hacker
(Scott) His tape recorder is bleeding?
(Scott) The Italian guy saves the day.
(Scott) Worst secret service protection . . .
(Joe) Code 5 in Sector 3.
(Scott) Ok, no local news for me tonight. Gotta go.
(Joe) How is anything involving the President not Sector 1. Even so, why is the podium/press area Sector 3? The Oval Bunker should take up a couple of sectors.

(Joe) Jessica Alba looks like she was punched in the face in that trailer.
(Scott) Verizon wireless is not for people with paranoia issues.
(Joe) That Element looks awesome.
(Scott) Oooh, I need to get a high income so I can qualify for an American Express and watch a special preview for next week's Prison Break
(Scott) Missed the time -- too busy avoiding Jeff Foxworthy's gaze.
(Joe) You mean the missing sectors?
(Joe) "It's not going to be for anyone's benefit if you're covering for him."
(Scott) Morris is missing sectors, but it's because of a file lock.
(Joe) "Your data merge is incomplete."
(Joe) He *meant* to leave out those sectors. They'll be in the final report. Which makes sense when you're trying to stop a terrorist attack.
(Scott) The worst part of Logan's house arrest, the ceiling to ceiling wood paneling.
(Joe) He likes horsies.
(Joe) Psalms 40:2
(Scott) We have no juristiction at the consulate. Our only recourse there are the kill squads we've sent before.
(Scott) While everyone else is trying to save the world, Chloe is in an after-school special.
(Joe) 'Morris has been dead for TEN years!'
(Joe) Jeanne shouldn't have been his sponsor in the first place.
(Joe) Hey, at least *I* didn't arm nuclear weapons for terrorists today.
(Scott) Morris is smooth . . .
(Joe) Vodka, man.
(Scott) I was just using it as aftershave, anyhow . . .
(Joe) "Melinda, have we heard from Tom Lennox?" No. And my name is Steve.
(Joe) Is he picking gnats off his scalp?
(Scott) He was just being a tease all along . . .
(Joe) Wow, sneaking a bomb into the secured bunker of the President sure is a lot of work.
(Scott) After this, highlighters will be banned from the White House. Everyone will just have to underline.
(Scott) 624 Enter.
(Scott) Do I hold Enter down while pressing 624? Or do I do this afterward.
(Joe) The kill radius will be ten feet.

(Joe) I think the Pixies played EGCG a few times.
(Joe) Actually, no. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_famous_acts_that_have_played_CBGB
(Scott) Really, I'm not so sure that the world is ready for a new Cannonball run.
(Scott) It's not the same without Dom DeLuise.
(Joe) 1988.
(Scott) 4:28
(Joe) 1987.
(Joe) 04:28
(Scott) 1981
(Joe) "Mr. President, the lead is Charles Logan."
(Joe) This could be some maneuver to gain his freedom.
(Scott) Heh, the ex-president needs an executive order to release him
(Scott) Heh, the ex-president needs an executive order to release him, probably in writing
(Joe) Possibly faxed.
(Scott) Holy crap, his watch is HUGE!
(Scott) Or a tracking device
(Scott) Weekend pass?
(Joe) I have a prior relationship with Markov. He helped me out with some Centox we strangely had buried at Van Nuys Airport.
(Joe) 04:31
(Scott) Is he from Jersey or Eastern Europe?
(Joe) There was a vehicle inspection 100 miles away three minutes ago...
(Joe) Okay, after a nuclear attack and a vehicle inspection, they let an unmanned drone get through?
(Scott) Logan and Bauer almost sound like a TV duo.
(Scott) More drama with Morris . . .
(Joe) Logan is the by-the-books boy scout and Bauer is the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants playboy.
(Scott) And today is Logan's last day before retirement . . .
(Joe) One's thunder, the other -- lightning. Together they're: Thunder and Lightning.
(Joe) 04:34:56
(Scott) Three: One to hold the lightbulb, one to dance around the filaments, and one to talk the bulb so long that it gets bored, turns itself in and calls it a night.

(Joe) 24 Fans: Angry that they cannot find a solution that both lifts and separates.
(Joe) This movie...
(Scott) 24 fans: Like to demonstrate physics principles in a medium-large scale.
(Scott) Because any other reason for that truck commercial would be just silly.
(Scott) 4:16
(Scott) He's sending messages in Eudora 1.0 or something.
(Joe) Ah, the old 'I was just in Conference B' trick.
(Scott) It's hard being a vampire involved in a conspiracy.
(Scott) Specified the wrong SIP adapter again . . . stoopid Morris.
(Joe) "Check your SIP adapter. You specified the wrong slot assignment." Stupid f*ck.
(Joe) Why do you have to manage your own slot assignment?
(Joe) He's supposed to be blah blah Gradenko's landline.
(Scott) Heh . . . "He's been tortured, he's under a lot of stress, maybe he should be pulled." That's like all logic talk. Get back into character, you!
(Scott) Jack is out for a leisurly jog . . .
(Scott) Al Gore?
(Joe) Listen, she's just pissed off because she has to deal with all the extra login redundancy because she has a hyphen and lots of vowels in her name.
(Scott) Aaachmed encryption.
(Joe) You need Gradenko to find Fayed.
(Scott) The traitor president still gets regular intelligence updates?
(Joe) "I'm not the same man I was two years ago."
(Joe) "I've had time to reconnect with my faith." Let me tell you something about Zoroaster.
(Joe) Markov. I like his chains.
(Joe) Mmn, backchannels.
(Joe) Holy crap, if they end up as partners...
(Scott) I always thought the president was a large back channel.
(Scott) Heh, that would be great. Jack cries while Logan dies in his arms.
(Joe) 04:23:40

(Scott) 24, season 6. Episode eleven.
(Joe) 4PM-5PM. Quittin' time.
(Scott) The following takes place between 4:00 PM and 5:00 PM
(Scott) Thursday
(Scott) Early May
(Scott) In a post modern world in which all of our norms have been destroyed by a post industrial malaise.
(Joe) I would pay any amount of money to see them film 24 hours during a crisis... on CTU's Hawaiian Shirt Day.
(Scott) Box truck!
(Scott) Or alternatively, film in Hawaii on regular shirt day.
(Joe) Wow, that *is* Chad Lowe.
(Joe) Hey Gradenko, buy a comb.
(Joe) ... or 'Nick Nolte called, he wants his hair back.'
(Scott) . . . comb back . . .
(Scott) This guy is Indian, right?
(Scott) So the Indian official is meeting with the Italian-looking guy?
(Scott) Hoping someone will come forward about the nuclear weapons. Call the crime line . . .
(Scott) Gradenko gets his security deposit back.
(Joe) "Jack Bauer's on the line."
(Scott) The president is under house arrest . . .
(Scott) Couldn't swing a Nixon deal, I guess.
(Scott) The CTU agent escorting Marilyn looks about 12.
(Scott) A lanky 12.
(Scott) But probably dying.
(Joe) "We'll need to process you again, Mr. Assassin."
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe escorting . . .
(Scott) That was my girlfriends last message before we broke up!
(Joe) Wow, post-nuclear detonation security measures involve test recordings.
(Joe) "Test"?
(Joe) Killing Tom Lenox only benefits us.
(Joe) "We're not cold-blooded murderers, we're just trying to save our country."
(Scott) Heh, kill the president, yeah, no problem. This guy, who will probably foil our plan? I have a good feeling about him.

Tonight's menu: Green lentils and whatever's in your refrigerator

Begin by thinking to yourself how much more you would prefer red lentils. Lament the fact that the local granola store has been sold out of red lentils for a remarkably long time. Decide to press on nonetheless and make the best of it. In your small stock pot, put two cups of green lentils. Follow by adding a pretty decent amount of olive oil. Cover with four cups of water and bring to a boil. Move the boiling pot to another burner and set to simmer. Think to yourself how nice it is that you have two large eyes on your stove and don't have to figure out a way to use the small eye to simmer a stock pot full of green lentils.

On the already hot first eye from which you removed the pot of boiling lentils, add your large wok. Pour into your wok a decent portion of olive oil. No, maybe a bit more. Once the oil is hot, take the diced onions (1 medium) and minced garlic (about three cloves, although they seem kind of on the dry side) you chopped up while waiting for the water to boil and dump them in the wok. Stir with wooden spoon. Chop the shittake mushrooms that you had previously rinsed and left in the sink. Start out chopping them kind of coarse and then change your mind and chop them a little finer than that. No, maybe even more. That looks good. Dump them in with the garlic and onions that need stirring before they burn. Stir the garlic, onions, and mushrooms.

Look in your spice cabinet. Add a little curry powder (careful, that one doesn't have a shaker lid), some cayenne pepper, and some of the annatto powder that you generally use with black beans and rice to the garlic, mushroom, and onion mixture. Look further back in the spice cabinet and find that nothing else in there really interests you. Wonder, once again, how you came to have three things of cumin. When have you ever used cumin? Add salt (but not to the lentils, you've heard doing that before they are nearly done will cause them to become tough). Remove from heat before the mixture cooks too far.

Wait a bit and check the lentils. They're tougher than you expected. Think to yourself that this will be nowhere as good as the red lentils you made two weeks ago. Those were great. Repeat this step several times. At some point give your dog a rawhide treat. Eventually get tired of waiting and turn up the heat some. At some arbitrary point, put the wok back on the first burner (the one from which you did the boiling earlier). Set the burner to slightly higher than medium.

Dump the pot of lentils into the wok. Stir with the wooden spoon. Add some balsamic vinegar, but not as much as that many lentils would seem to require. Add some of the half bottle of chianti that's been sitting next to the stove the last six weeks. Stir. After a bit remove from heat.

Put several scoops of the resulting lentils into a decent sized bowl. Grate a large amount of romano cheese over the bowl. Grind pepper corns in your turkish coffee mill that you use as a pepper grinder (on account of the fact that you have an even better grinder with which you can grind coffee beans for making turkish coffee). Remove flat bread you put in the oven a couple of minutes ago. Eat. Think to yourself that this is a ton better than you were expecting. In the back of your head, wonder when the granola store is going to get red lentils back in stock.

(Chris) Ana wants to know how Jack's father having him instead of Josh matters ... I have no answer ...
(Scott) The people in the Kia Rondo commercial seem a little to happy about other people's car accidents.
(Scott) It makes sense in English, but there's no literal translation in Spanish.
(Scott) Oh good, the local news are now running stories about people attacking them.
(Joe) Don't think about it too hard. They want us to believe that Josh has less influence with law enforcement types.
(Chris) Ana knows the person being attacked
(Joe) Josh can't get a tactical kit delivered anywhere in Los Angeles in less than a commercial break.
(Joe) Wha?
(Joe) 03:51:29
(Scott) Oh really? Pass on how much we respect the local news . . .
(Joe) "Sorry, guys, I've been in the field being shot."
(Joe) "He's been sober for three years."
(Joe) Point-and-shoot.
(Chris) The inner CTU politics is awfully easy going this year ... no CTU intrigue ... what gives?
(Joe) Did I mention that I've been in prison for eighteen months? I'll be back.
(Scott) Yeah, that is a missing element. They're supposed to be bringing back the president from last season, so that should make up for it.
(Scott) Dad, I'm unarmed!
(Joe) I'm unarmed! (What's that cologne, Dad? Let me smell your neck.
(Scott) I can't tell you how many times I've said those words.
(Joe) Well, ankles don't count, Dad, you know that.
(Scott) Show me that you've removed your biting teeth.
(Scott) Take one step forward when Josh steps away. Now twirl, and cleia . . .
(Joe) Josh is in on it.
(Joe) And she shoots Josh in the back.
(Scott) She's holding the gun upside down.
(Joe) I never meant to kill both of my sons in the same day. I mean, the same day! Color me embarrassed.
(Joe) They why all the killing and kidnapping?
(Scott) Did he just say they wanted the Soviet Union to be re-established?
(Joe) We could have actually been doing that all this time.
(Chris) I'm anything but "civil" ...
(Scott) None of this would have happened if you hadn't spent the summer in China.
(Joe) None of this would have happened if you hadn't turned your back on me... so you could become a civil servant?
(Joe) (Postal carrier. Worked his way up to CTU agent.)
(Joe) The Family.
(Chris) "Turned my back" ... get it
(Joe) I just had to go my own way. Listening to a lot of Fleetwood at the time.
(Scott) The Bauers are actually quite soft.
(Joe) What, was Lennox just wiping the duct-taped mouth of Skippy.
(Scott) Oh geez . . .
(Chris) He's like Gore ... well the beard anyway
(Joe) It's President Effity Effing Logan. "Come and see me, Jack." 'Bring a nice chianti.'
(Scott) Well, the next few episodes should be . . . soothing . . .
(Scott) 24 season 1, the movie?
(Chris) The Bourne Identity (aka Shooter)
(Joe) Danny Glover will fish at least once during this movie. (Shooter)
(Scott) It's a relaxing pasttime.

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(Scott) Jim Carrey's new movie is straight out of a Time-Life book.
(Chris) Good to see numerology making a come back
(Scott) And 500 miles away, his cousin felt a sharp pain in his wrist.
(Scott) Wow, a heated cup holder in the new Chrysler . . . that really useless.
(Scott) Daimler got so ripped off.
(Scott) Stupid Germans.
(Joe) Yeah. They're soon going to sell it off or have them stop making cars to save money.
(Joe) The two tank manufacturers during WWII.
(Joe) Kidnapping shows are very successful this season.
(Joe) (Psst. Not really.)
(Scott) 3:36
(Scott) Milo v. Morris
(Scott) Passive aggressive nonsense coming . . .
(Joe) Wow, Morris, your breath is curiously strong. But in a good way now.
(Scott) Senator Benson? You mean the guy who used to be the butler?
(Scott) Those pipes don't even go anywhere.
(Scott) They actually point toward the hallway.
(Joe) Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue
(Joe) Awesome. I'm gonna steal so many soaps.
(Scott) They go into the hallway.
(Joe) Russian shell organizations. Heck, I've got a Russian shell organization.
(Joe) Corporations, too.
(Scott) Couldn't they just have gotten a list of Russian shell companies that Gridenko has an interest in?
(Joe) Institutions.
(Joe) God damned cheap Irish Wiske
(Joe) God damned cheap Irish Whiskey
(Scott) What, the altoids? I swear I haven't had a mint in months.
(Joe) I can stop anytime. I washed those mints out with alcohol.
(Joe) Call your sponsor. The sponsor is.... Jack's father!
(Joe) Frankly, we're worried about being on Jack's operation. I've got three kids.
(Scott) Another raid, another bomb?
(Joe) Lots of side-to-side. Don't they have camps they can go to to learn how to take a room?
(Scott) Check the ventilation shaft!
(Joe) At least the house didn't explode.
(Joe) Gradenko not at location. He's in flank two.
(Scott) Human shields, not just for terrorists anymore.
(Joe) Jack is losing his edge.
(Scott) That's not the adjacent room, really.
(Joe) Nope, my only option is to start shooting.
(Scott) Heh, have you seen the people they've given immunity to?
(Scott) They have a standard terrorist immunity form now.
(Joe) You don't know what kind of individuals they give immunity to. I got immunity, like, five times
(Joe) The old next building trick.
(Scott) Just wanted to get one last punching in before I go.
(Joe) He's been kicked in the face. That's not secured, really.
(Joe) Just saying.

(Scott) Has Ricky Schroeder been on yet?
(Joe) This will not be a good movie for Will Ferrel.
(Scott) No movie is good for Will Ferrell.
(Joe) or Wil Ferrell.
(Scott) Strike that . . . no Will Ferrell movie is good for anyone else.
(Chris) Which is it Fox 21 or 27?
(Joe) Old School, Talledega Nights, Elf, Stranger than Fiction, Eulogy
(Chris) All great movies!
(Scott) Yeah, all of those are terrible.
(Scott) Wait, was he in sling blade?
(Scott) I think he played the gimp
(Joe) Anchorman, Casablanca, Bridge over the River Kwai...
(Joe) He was the smarmy butler in Citizen Kane.
(Joe) He was in Cafe Baghdad.
(Scott) Yeah, that's way overrated . . .
(Joe) He was the german woman
(Scott) 3:25
(Chris) Oh the magic itenerary ... this will work!
(Joe) Here's the President's itinerary.
(Chris) He takes a crap at 4:45 ... perfect!
(Scott) Lennox, is x to Rob Lowe's Iago.
(Joe) I need you to authorize clearance for a guy to carry the ball.
(Scott) Cassio, I think. Like the watch.
(Scott) That would make the president Desdamona.
(Joe) "Our man will be here in the hour." For a well-orchestrated plan, that's a lot of time.
(Joe) 'Don't you have other stuff to do? You're just going to watch me read this?'
(Scott) What's this? A handkercheif?
(Chris) Wasn't that house explosion one block away from Girdenko(sp?)?
(Joe) Morris. Certain to be a hostage.
(Scott) Morris, getting ready to fall off the wagon . . .
(Joe) Vodka, man.
(Chris) Irish Whiskey?
(Scott) Although, it's a hell of a drunk who can't name a brand.
(Scott) And Altoids . . . curiously strong.
(Scott) I wonder if Altoids paid for that placement.
(Scott) Drunks everywhere use Altoids!
(Joe) Let's see: Drinking alone. Drinking in the middle of the day. Drinking to escape. Hiding your drinking from friends and family.
(Joe) Those vectors aren't going to, uh, plot themselves.
(Scott) That's Altoids, folks. The tiny mint in the rectangular metal box!
(Scott) I want you to wear this flak jacket. We won't need it. It just reminds me of Nina.
(Scott) Jack could stand to tuck in his shirt tail.
(Joe) "When my hands shake, I usually kill some people. There's a hobo in the alley. Here's a billy club."
(Joe) 03:32:18

(Joe) I'm pretty sure 300 is the movie version of 24, just longer.
(Chris) The Persian Terrorists?
(Scott) 3:14
(Joe) They must be South Pole elves.
(Joe) Did you finish the vectors?
(Scott) Did you finish the vectors?
(Scott) He has a sponsor?
(Joe) "He's going to be up for a commendation."
(Joe) I'm guessing Tide, UPS or Coca-Cola.
(Scott) Milo is going to be up for a commendation. Morris, you're up for a decommendation.
(Scott) Scramble caller?
(Scott) "I'm going to have to force my father's hand" "Meaning what" "I mean literally break his hand . . . two clean pieces"
(Joe) "Don't you mean OUR son, Jack."
(Joe) hand-forcing ... a game our Pop used to play with us as toddlers... on the stove.
(Joe) I'm in Flank Two.
(Scott) Clearly Marilyn is acting, otherwise there'd be more screaming.
(Joe) We can all survive this, as a family... We can rebuild this family.
(Joe) I think he just lost Josh.
(Scott) He doesn't understand whispering . . .
(Scott) Or innuendo.
(Joe) Josh is getting suspicious.
(Scott) I will kill him --> He won't be around for the next episode of the teletubbies . . .
(Joe) "What, you're not letting me go? I expect a letter from the Attorney General."
(Scott) "Josh?" "Yeah, I was just going out for a smoke"
(Joe) "Josh, don't even think about it."
(Chris) I thought my grandfather was a hard ass ...
(Joe) C'mon kid, he's old, you're fast.

(Scott) And the frog said, "what do you think I am, some kind of punch line?"
(Scott) 24 -
(Scott) 24 - Episode 10
(Joe) That bomb was HUGE.
(Scott) The following takes place between 3:00 PM and 4:00 PM
(Joe) An ice cream truck was caught in the blast.
(Scott) Let's see . . . fire, mayhem . . . box truck
(Scott) Ok, I'm remembering it now.
(Scott) Milo and crazy-eyed woman are pursued by hostiles
(Joe) Damn, Jack, I don't have many teams left. Everyone you team up with ends up dead.
(Joe) Normally there'd be some paperwork to fill out.
(Scott) Heh, these are the worst pursuing hostiles ever.
(Joe) 'A sane person would start suspecting you.'
(Scott) Behind the debris? No, no one would hide there. Too dusty.
(Joe) "Well, had to be done."
(Scott) Heh, the quality control on these terrorist have gotten shoddy.
(Joe) Needless to say, the drug dealer from Six Feet Under isn't a trained field agent.
(Scott) Milo is dead.
(Scott) Morris will get sentimental about this later.
(Chris) I'm going to cover you with my handgun ... they just have automatic weapons
(Joe) Milo will be joining Otis soon.
(Scott) Geez . . .
(Joe) Stupid woman. Go!
(Scott) She is now the worst.
(Chris) What was that?
(Scott) Heh, Milo you pansy, it didn't even hit bone.
(Joe) "Milo! Let me see it!" 'Let me taste it!' 'Rub it on my face!'
(Scott) He said he'd kill Graeme? But everyone already knows he's dead.
(Chris) Good to see strong women characterized positively on TV
(Joe) The Bauers like to kill people at least twice.
(Scott) She'll give him the address if he can get a pardon in writing from the attorney general.
(Scott) Full tactical kit.
(Joe) Also, she wants to run CTU.

(Joe) By the way, I'm officially calling Little Ricky as Jack's progeny.
(Scott) I've thought of taking up smoling just for the candy.
(Scott) smoling=smoking
(Scott) smoling=smoking
(Scott) 2:53
(Joe) blah blah blah uplink
(Scott) Chloe is reconfiguring the uplink . . .
(Scott) It was previously set to 0. She thinks it should be set to 1.
(Scott) I know you're lying to me. Watch me break dance.
(Scott) Wasn't this kid
(Scott) Wasn't this kid on the Tim Allen show?
(Joe) The chick whose parents came from a warmer part of the planet gets put on double-secret probation and the guy who arms four nuclear weapons for a terrorist gets tasked with setting up satellites.
(Joe) Just saying.
(Scott) Full
(Scott) Full house, or whatever?
(Scott) Home improvement . . . close enough.
(Joe) Milo. Certain to die.
(Scott) You, stay with the computer geek. He's quitt capable as long as he has his inhaler.
(Scott) By the way, this is the same place in which I found al-Assad. You've probably forgotten six episodes ago, though.
(Scott) Seriously, this box truck is used way too much.
(Joe) Used to be a UPS driver.
(Scott) Heh, don't hit the woman with your completely random fire.
(Joe) 'I'm on fire.'
(Scott) 3:00
(Joe) 'Me too. I'm on fire too.'
(Joe) 'Yep, on fire. Covered in petrol and on fire.'

(Scott) You can set Nicholas Cage on fire, but you can't make him interesting . . .
(Joe) I used to think that Nick Cage picked stupid movies. Boy was I wrong!
(Joe) I predict Ian Ziering will have his house taken over by highly-trained assassins.
(Joe) Or Brian Austin Green.
(Joe) Or Cheech and Chong.
(Joe) 'Wait, let me see that 30's spanish-style ranch again.'
(Joe) Again, Jack Bauer and pretty ponies in a field selling diamonds don't mix.
(Joe) If they turn out to be unicorns...
(Scott) Seriously, they're just shiney rocks, folks.
(Scott) Think Quartz, but smaller.
(Joe) Tony Almeda comes back at the end of this episode.
(Scott) Yeah, I don't care much for kids either.
(Scott) I mean get off the tracks . . . stupid kids.
(Joe) You know how many AK-47s you have to trade for a single bag of uncut diamons, straight from the slave labor mines?
(Joe) A lot.
(Scott) 2:43
(Joe) It says 'I love you' more than a stuffed bear.
(Joe) I [heart] DeBeers.
(Scott) Heh, everyone knows you're not really hurt Morris. I mean, a drill in the shoulder? Come on . ..
(Joe) Chloe needs to hire an eye makeup specialist.
(Joe) So does Morris.
(Scott) 2:44
(Scott) They use this box truck way too much.
(Joe) Stop feeling bad about putting millions of people at risk of almost certain annihilation and get back to work!
(Scott) Hazmat
(Joe) Yep, definitely the love interest.
(Scott) Swat
(Scott) Whatever Milo's doing.
(Joe) No, I enlisted in the military because I enjoy killing and nearly being killed.
(Joe) Have you met me?
(Joe) "Graham's death was not an accident. I killed him."
(Scott) Wow, Jack is exactly like his father.
(Scott) That was the worst "Thank you Susan" ever.
(Scott) Ricky Schroder just looks like a pansy.
(Scott) Yeah kid . . . we're going to have to get a hotel room.
(Scott) We can play games and whatnot.
(Scott) Seriously, driving around LA, looking for a house . . .
(Scott) Jack could just kill random people and have a better shot at this . . .
(Scott) 2:49
(Joe) Little Ricky may be a pansy, but since he's Jack's son he's got the seed of a killing machine buried under years of ballet classes, bluetooth accessories and mocha lattes.

(Scott) 14:27:15
(Scott) Who's country is this?
(Joe) Why would you buy a deaf kid a toy that screeches. Blame yourself for drinking heavily during the second trimester?
(Scott) Turbo tax is 100% accurate. Your phone is only 99.99 percent accurate.
(Joe) Ouuuuuurs.
(Scott) Ivory soap, not even that pure.
(Joe) Dr. Dave's Diary from Iraq.
(Scott) Why would you name a car the Mariner?
(Scott) Why not just call it the "Back your kids into the pond SUV?"
(Joe) That doctorate really helps out the alliteration in local news coverage.
(Joe) Double the tax credit? Oh, is it a 'crossover'?
(Scott) Heh, the Ford escape is 15 inches longer . . .
(Scott) You can fit a whole extra
(Scott) sub in there . . . and a bag of chips.
(Joe) Or it runs on Spotted Owls.
(Joe) You don't owe me an apology.
(Scott) I killed your husband. Sorry about that.
(Joe) Really? I killed your husband.
(Joe) Are you my love interest this season?
(Scott) I hated Graham. He kept making fun of m freaky eyes.
(Scott) Yeah, this is interesting and all, but I got people to kill.
(Joe) Always asking 'did I enjoy working with Michael Ian Black'?
(Scott) But I'll tell you this classified information anyhow.
(Joe) Oh, you mean your Uncle Grad?
(Scott) In this room, I used to shoot up.
(Joe) If I don't kill someone soon, my hands will start shaking.
(Scott) I followed him, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
(Joe) A house in West L.A. Only, uh, ten minutes away from here.
(Scott) The house is in the general direction of West.
(Joe) You could patch into my OnStar.
(Joe) ... if you know what I mean.
(Joe) GPS, that is.
(Scott) Wait here while I kill my dad.
(Joe) Or, you could rewire the matrix from the local subnet and trace back all auto traffic from that week.
(Scott) Oh, got that wrong.
(Joe) You could have Morris kill some school children, too.
(Scott) Wait here while my dad kills you.
(Joe) "West L.A., I know exactly where that is!"
(Joe) It's ten minutes away.
(Scott) I'm sending Milo with you. Just so I can have someone get in your way.
(Joe) "Helping Uncle Jack?
(Joe) "With what?"
(Joe) "I think he needs to be in familiar surroundings." Like a ditch.
(Scott) Is Ricky Schroder wearing a UN badge?
(Joe) Or a Teen Beat dance party.
(Scott) So they're just going to drive around LA until she recogniz
(Scott) So they're just going to drive around LA until she recognizes a house?
(Joe) I have to make one phone call. Have your men secure a house in West L.A.

(Scott) Seriously people. Diamonds are for suckers.
(Joe) Again with the Hanssen guy.
(Scott) The only difference between diamonds and gravel is that the only blood on gravel is from falling on it.
(Joe) If I go to a Laura Linney movie, I expect someone to have a dysfunctional relationship with one or more parents. And for it to be set during the holidays. I expect this to have neither.
(Scott) I used to work with these people.
(Joe) WebMD?
(Joe) Or the trafficking of blood diamonds?
(Scott) MacDonalds . . .
(Joe) Or The Blue Man Group?
(Scott) McDonalds?
(Joe) Oh, that's better.
(Scott) Whatever. I prefer to call it the MacDonalds.
(Scott) Either way the office folk portrayed there are exactly what I've known.
(Joe) 02:20:29 PM
(Scott) Not enough cumbaya in your speech al-Assad.
(Joe) Well, it's too 'muslim'. Can you mention that you worship Jesus a little more?
(Scott) This Death to America line may be over the top.
(Scott) Can you fit the line "Bring home the bacon" in here?
(Joe) Can you change 'the streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelieivers' to 'America deserves to have cheap oil'?
(Scott) Oh, the cabinet again . . .
(Scott) It's as if they think no one who watched season two is still watching . . .
(Scott) It's as if they think no one who watched season two is still watching . . .
(Joe) "You're standing alone."
(Joe) "You are paying a very high price for doing this."
(Scott) What the hell kind of room are they in?
(Joe) You can't even pronounce my name. It's Al-AsSaD.
(Scott) My tax dollars had damn well better not pay for that ceiling.
(Scott) High voltage?
(Joe) Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue
(Joe) That's totally Rob Lowe
(Joe) or his face double.
(Joe) sihlouette-double, at least
(Scott) This guy should wear a t-shirt saying "I'm with neo-con"
(Joe) silhouette-double, at least
(Joe) I cannot believe it has come to this.
(Scott) This guy is both Rob Lowe and an archtype.
(Joe) I need the President's itinerary. In the tiny room. In the tiny room. In the Oval office. In the tiny room.
(Scott) I need the president's itenerary . . . and blood. I'm getting paler by the minute.
(Scott) 2:27
(Joe) 0:2:27:16

(Scott) Heh, stoopid wrecking people.
(Scott) Ellen Degneres? Didn't she marry Rob Lowe or something?
(Joe) Just to review: A plastic cover. Tons of (modern!) electronic circuitry that... turns a screw.
(Joe) Tom Selleck.
(Scott) Right, but he left Lowe in 98 didn't he.
(Joe) That was a pretty lame ending. Can see why they made it a two-fer.
(Scott) The following takes place between 2:00 PM and 3:00 PM
(Joe) They're going to put the guy on Oprah.
(Scott) Lennox and Rob Lowe are slimy, but really Wayne Palmer is kind of light weight for the moment.
(Scott) By the way, in case you forgot, Fayyad escaped through the apartment's ventilation shaft.
(Scott) He has a 20 inch waist.
(Scott) Dennis Hopper?
(Joe) Hey, the Russian poitician who exposed Elisabeth Shue's cold fusion is back.
(Scott) New villain.
(Joe) Val Kilmer really gets under his skin.
(Scott) And we're back to eastern europe/ breakaway russian republic.
(Scott) Arabs, by the way, are ok.
(Joe) An email fragment.
(Joe) Gradenko.
(Joe) So, 'The Peacemaker'.
(Scott) Heh, since the e-mail timestamp is pacific time, he must be in LA.
(Scott) Timestamps are impossible to forge.
(Joe) So, somewhere from the North pole to the South pole. Likely Los Angeles.
(Scott) Turns out his real e-mail is dsfdfd@sundhg.org
(Joe) What's everyone looking at?
(Joe) 'Evidence on the hard drive points to it.'
(Scott) Why does CTU have a morgue?
(Joe) gradenko@losangelesarea.net
(Joe) Installed after Jack Bauer joined up.
(Scott) Chloe, Morris is a huge sellout. Just thought you should know.
(Joe) The closed down the medical wing after everyone who ended up there died.
(Joe) Cue Green Day song.
(Joe) 'This sideways house killed my boy.'
(Scott) Oh, right. He led a gang at somepoint, right?
(Scott) Boyo . . .
(Scott) Right, Danny Boy.
(Joe) http://members.aol.com/daftchris8/311.html
(Joe) Nope, I was in a prison for eighteen months.
(Joe) At some point Jack will have to shoot his father. In the face.
(Scott) I can't remember the movie.
(Joe) Morris? How are you feeling?
(Scott) Morris, how are you feeling? Like a pansy who sold out the free world?
(Joe) Why didn't you listen to us when we called you and told you to turn around you lazy dutchman?
(Scott) Know one knows who you are Morris . . .
(Joe) I mean, you had to, Morris.
(Joe) Why do they let cellphones work inside CTU?
(Scott) By the way, you may also know James Cromwell from Mr. Belvedere.
(Joe) Why isn't every corner of the building mic'ed?
(Scott) Night Court, Family Tis.
(Scott) And, of course, Knight Rider.
(Joe) Have a seat, Jack.
(Joe) I WAS IN A CHINESE PRISON
(Scott) Really, you shouldn't have put me on the job. I'm like a crazy person.
(Joe) I. WAS. IN. A. CHINESE. PRISON.
(Joe) Are we clear?
(Joe) ARE WE CLEAR?
(Scott) And my brother wore one of those silly ear piece things. Isn't that justification enough.
(Scott) It just makes you look like a crazy person, walking around and talking to nothing . . .
(Joe) Full House/Perfect Strangers/Step by Step/Sabrina, the Teenaged Witch
(Joe) Bill, do this right. It's what my brother would have wanted.
(Joe) 2:16:03
(Scott) Buchanan is absolutely a mole.

(Scott) A suitcase bomb? But that doesn't even exist.
(Joe) And an eleven story building would have an elevator.
(Joe) And she's not flammable.
(Joe) 1.2 billion calls a day.
(Joe) "Lightbulbs. Turn them on and the room gets brighter."
(Joe) "Faucets. Always on."
(Joe) (unless you turn them off)
(Scott) 8:55
(Scott) How does Chloe know all about suitcase bombs?
(Joe) That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard on this show.
(Scott) Fayyad got out through the ventilation system? But that's just impossible.
(Scott) And he got through the perimeter?
(Scott) Ok, now it's just getting silly . . .
(Joe) Holy crap. It's like a damned german wristwatch in there. That explains the need for Morris' expertise.
(Scott) Running out of time . . .
(Scott) Chloe has an updated schematic . . .
(Scott) Jack is getting testy.
(Scott) This doesn't even approach believable.
(Joe) DIP switches. Holy...
(Scott) Jack biting a man to death, sure.
(Scott) Morris, you idiot.
(Joe) "You gave him something that worked!"
(Joe) "I held out for eighteen months in a Chinese dungeon. You were here for like five minutes!
(Scott) Lennox gets his news feeds via gopher.
(Joe) Chuck Lowe is going to recruit the guy from Ally McBeal.
(Scott) Exeunt
(Joe) Or he's a double mole.

(Scott) 1:43
(Scott) Rob Lowe?
(Scott) The staff in this administration is too quick to resign.
(Scott) The climate can change? What? That's crazy. The globe doesn't feel any warmer to me?
(Joe) Rob Lowe is too abstract to be understood.
(Scott) Is Rob Lowe still alive?
(Joe) "Wait, now I may dislike the President's course of action..."
(Scott) They're getting intimate?
(Scott) Musing?
(Joe) You 'intimate', *I* 'implicate'.
(Scott) Lennox is totally getting killed.
(Joe) No, that's wrong/
(Scott) I played the part of woman with a bird cage
(Joe) "For your own safety, move away from the building. Nothing to see here..."
(Scott) Fonzie appears to be by Jack's side. They can't lose.
(Scott) The woman on the second floor is handicapped?
(Scott) The government has this information?
(Scott) And why does she live on the second floor?
(Joe) I wish I wasn't distracted by say, the hole in my shoulder blade or the numerous contusions about my head and neck.
(Scott) Maybe her handicap is chronic fatigue.
(Joe) She has fibromyalgia.
(Joe) Exactly
(Scott) Morris is dying soon.
(Scott) Jack shoots him accidentally.
(Joe) Ora saved at the last second.
(Joe) Or saved at the last second.
(Scott) I still say dead.
(Joe) 'Hmm, that's odd. The sight must be off on this shotgun.'
(Scott) One is always missing . ..
(Joe) "Or when the Chinese broke and reset my forearm, they screwed up. Stupid Eastern medicine."
(Joe) A spider hole!
(Scott) Jack gets to defuse the bomb.
(Scott) No, wait. Morris comes to and diffuses the bomb.
(Joe) 'Jack, you need to see this.' "What, the dead hooker?' Oh, the overly complicated nuclear weapon.
(Scott) Ok, I buy that.

(Joe) The new marketing push by Verizon: When you pick up the phone, you hear a tone.
(Scott) Verizon has 99.99 percent reliability. That would be impressive if it weren't for the fact that it's 100 year old technology.
(Joe) 01:29:50
(Joe) Lunchtime.
(Scott) Lincoln Logs: Made of wood 99.99 percent of the time.
(Scott) Heh, how is he able to work with that silly map popping up in front of his screen.
(Joe) Caught in a loop matrix?
(Scott) Did you try the .com filter?
(Joe) Reconfigure the embedded decreyption program.
(Scott) Ah, Chloe can bring up the window with a picture of a satellite dish. She's good.
(Joe) Not even Edgar can reconfigure...
(Scott) . . . anymore
(Joe) That guy is getting the best security...
(Scott) The not so Arab looking al-Assad.
(Joe) Two American flags.
(Joe) "
(Scott) Do secret service agents just show their guns like this all the time?
(Scott) Use our street cred . . .
(Joe) I guarantee he'll ask for something in writing.
(Scott) I'll let you give the speech in the Oval Office. Your friends will think that is soooo cool.
(Joe) Possibly faxed from California.
(Scott) Signed by the attorney general.
(Joe) The guy from 'Dead at 21' has the staging area secured.
(Scott) The staging area is in plain sight of the building.
(Scott) This building is brought to you by the letter M
(Scott) Morris is definitely dying.
(Joe) I need you to.. oh crap, nevermind. He wants to trigger a fire alarm. Need to get past the login screen. Or find a white piece of plastic in the hallway after walking in.
(Scott) A fire drill?
(Scott) Heh, what if it really is a fire?
(Joe) Drill to the face.
(Joe) No selling women's shoes for you.
(Scott) Nooo! That's his programming arm!
(Joe) Nope. Shoulder.
(Joe) I made a 'mistake'.
(Scott) Moron.
(Joe) Taking the 502 when you meant to take the 5 is a mistake.
(Joe) Oh, Morris.
(Joe) Danny Glover needs to pay more attention to his wife.
(Scott) Diamonds are for suckers.
(Scott) Jim Carrey has made 23 terrible movies.
(Joe) I predict his ass will talk at some point during the 'Number 23'.
(Scott) So, the feed I'm seeing is reasonably good. Any reason not to post the link for the live-liveblogging?

(Joe) 'Go and draft my letter of resignation and bring it back for me to sign!'
(Scott) But from what I can tell the guy from Aly McBeal is having an episode.
(Joe) Carson?
(Scott) New mole.
(Joe) "Tom Lennox is determined to quit."
(Scott) Tom Lennox is planning to quit and go into the heating/air business.
(Scott) So, Jeff Bauer . . . that's Ricky Schroeder, right?
(Joe) Tom? Carson? Sounds like they picked all the good AFC quarterbacks for this episode.
(Scott) Peyton Manning is Jack Bauer.
(Joe) Oh yeah, I forgot the brother died.
(Scott) Hey Kid, your asshole father is dead. You know, the one with the pretentious ear piece thing.
(Joe) Your husband is dead. We did it. We'll investigate. We'll do the autopsy. Any problems with that?
(Scott) Jack is rifling through that guy's pockets for change.
(Scott) China has changed him.
(Joe) No more suspicious meetings while pretending to play catch with you.
(Scott) It's ok kid, I've always thought it would be better for you to have a father figure anyway.
(Scott) What's this? The terrorist double crossing? How can this be?
(Joe) "The Chinese symbol for 'glass rods under the eyelids' is composed of two characters: 'Jack' and 'Bauer'"
(Joe) "Not bloody likely, mate."
(Scott) Heh, you're going modify this thing with the random scrolling numbers so that I can reprogram the bombs.
(Joe) 'Yeah, the guy that will need to do the intricate programming, etc. Let's beat the crap out of him.'
(Scott) Make the random number do stuff . . .
(Scott) The new volvo makes horrible annoying noises. I've been looking for a car to do that.
(Scott) Going to WebMD that much may indicate domestic abuse.
(Joe) Okay, nuclear weapons are 1940's era technology. I don't see where all the complexity comes from.

(Scott) Wow, so much faster to load
(Scott) Nearly forgot that it's two hours tonight
(Scott) 24 - Episode 8
(Scott) The following takes place between 1:00 PM and 2:00PM
(Scott) Morris in peril, and Jack in a helicoptor.
(Scott) Chloe isn't receiving coordinates correctly.
(Scott) Jack, your asshole brother is dead.
(Scott) Do you need a moment?
(Scott) Sir, Chloe is starting to screw up. This may be the thing that happens every day. Remember the time sh
(Scott) Sir, Chloe is starting to screw up. This may be the thing that happens every day. Remember the time she had Chase's baby?
(Scott) It's just not conceivable that Morris wouldn't get shot by now.
(Scott) There's yet another reason I wished that I had a sun roof.
(Scott) It would be so much easier to spot "choppers"
(Scott) Obligatory truck.
(Scott) Heh, they're surprised that they somehow or another didn't out run the helicopter.
(Scott) Do that many people really park under underpasses in LA?
(Scott) Morris trying to be convincing . . . shoot him . . .
(Scott) Hmmm, an empty spot at an underpass. There must have used to be a car there.
(Scott) Heh. Head in the general direction of South.
(Scott) 4332 Florence Ave. #621
(Scott) My money is on apartment 621 not really being on the sixth floor.
(Scott) Wow.
(Scott) He really should have kept that gun.
(Scott) That's probably not what Morris was going for.
(Joe) Did I miss anything important?
(Scott) Not really. Do you want to post. I don't think I have the right feed link.

Editor's Note: The following is a story that we ran after Peyton Manning's Glorious Victory in the AFC Championship. In light of his latest Glorious Victory, the editors of Live Blogging TV thought that the world would be made a slightly better place if we ran this piece once more.

The Parable of Peyton Manning

Peyton Manning and Defense walked through the desert for many years. There were times of happiness. There were times of drought. There were times of high scoring shootouts. There were times of blown coverage. Still, Peyton persevered.
After several years, Peyton Manning finally led his team to the promised land. There was great rejoicing by all except for Defense. Manning, sensing discomfort, approached Defense.
"Defense," Manning spoke, "why is your brow darkened"?
Defense looked back upon the path and replied "As I look upon the path we walked, I see the good times and the bad, the light of your great drives and the darkness of our run stopping capabilities." Defense gestured to the long path, and continued, "why is it, Peyton, that in the good times, there are two sets of footprints as we walked together, and in the dark times, only one set, as I walked alone."
Peyton smiled knowingly, and put his arm across the shoulders of his defense and said, "the reason why you see but one set of foot prints is that during the bad times, I carried you."
Defense wept with joy and gratitude.

(Joe) Apparently sending a guy door-to-door looking for rabid housewives.
(Scott) Really, a monkey in his lap . . .
(Scott) Half priced fountain drinks . . . what a deal.
(Joe) And how many people remember Johnny Weismulller?
(Scott) Save tens of cents.
(Joe) All-American Values.
(Scott) ~12:50
(Joe) 12:50:37
(Joe) The plug-in's working.
(Scott) That's an aloha plugin.
(Scott) Don't touch anything.
(Joe) Alien Skin's new Terrorist-Encrypted-Image-Decoder works.
(Scott) Ah, the vice-president plot line.
(Joe) He will want to be running CTU at some point.
(Scott) Executive order 1066. We will allow William the Conquerer to suspend habeus corpus.
(Joe) 12,000 innocent Americans. You think some of them are guilty of something.
(Joe) "I cannot and will not endorse these actions."
(Scott) They were all children and puppies.
(Joe) We were a stateless enemy.
(Scott) The founders never conceived of the Apache's? Oh, wait, I mean, ummm. . . .
(Joe) We invented it. Us and the Dutch.
(Joe) Uni-lateral decisions? I'm the decider.
(Scott) Time to break out the cabinet.
(Joe) 12
(Joe) 12:53:47
(Joe) Inter-agency sub-net.
(Scott) Heh.
(Scott) That's the worst thing ever.
(Joe) I should have called it.
(Joe) Also, he doesn't know he's dead.
(Scott) Seriously . . .
(Joe) Brit shoe-salesmen with sports cars are bad at Reverse.
(Scott) How does this make any sense?
(Joe) I have no idea.
(Joe) Long Sideburns is certain to die.
(Scott) Jack's father is definitely killing something.
(Scott) Probably his son.
(Scott) Probably his son.
(Joe) Or have a bone broken. Luke Perry called...
(Scott) Yep, definitely killing his son.
(Joe) They're going to take you to CTU...
(Joe) ... like I said, I can take it.
(Scott) "I'll hold my mud"
(Scott) "I'll hold my mud"
(Joe) I'll hold my mud, Dad. And by mud, I mean poo.
(Joe) Dad, stick to the plan. Make a plan. Stick to it. Make a stick. And plan for sticks.
(Joe) "You've been a good boy."
(Joe) "This time, I've asked too much. Sorry."
(Joe) 1000cc's.
(Scott) The Bauer's are quite a family.
(Joe) My son's had a seiziure!
(Joe) Somehow!
(Scott) Two hours next week?
(Joe) BUDGET.
(Scott) Or did I hear that right?
(Scott) Two hours, cool.
(Scott) By the way, I watched flatliners this weekend.
(Joe) Vol. I: Shock and awe. Vol II: Budget Accomplished. Vol III: Dead-enders. Vol IV: Budget: Last Throes. Vol V: A Trillion More'll Do It
(Scott) Kiefer Sutherland has played the exact same role all of his life.
(Joe) Brr. In Toledo, Ohio, it's so cold...
(Scott) There's an emphasis on a clock, and even a "we're running out of time!"
(Scott) Oh lord . ..
(Scott) Get back on the H.
(Joe) Danville has it good.

(Scott) No Chris tonight. I wonder if he's out Riverdancing.
(Joe) I'll pick up my date in my new Volvo and go to a place called Pink's.
(Joe) That could be the funniest image ever suggested.
(Joe) He dies at the end.
(Scott) 12:40
(Scott) 12:40
(Joe) 12:40:38
(Joe) "I'm ashamed."
(Scott) Wallid.
(Joe) Wahk-leed.
(Scott) More touching moments . . . etc, etc.
(Joe) Apparently Muslim men are bad at mass beatings.
(Scott) What kind of map is that?
(Joe) She's been married to every Hollywood actor they could find.
(Scott) Heh, that's the way images are made . . .
(Joe) It could corrupt the file.
(Scott) He's downloading an unlicensed program?
(Scott) I'm not sure if that's supposed to be edgy or not . . .
(Joe) also, 'I'm finished with the program', but we'll need dowdy forty-somethings in a mall to stare at it for a while until the image 'pops out'.
(Scott) Did Jack just call Buchanan "pal"?
(Scott) He's definitely a mole.
(Joe) ACDSee should get their lawyers on the phone.
(Joe) He deserved a better family?
(Scott) Especially your wife. She's too easy with the dying.
(Joe) I thought so. Maybe 'Bill'.
(Joe) Uh oh. Bad things are coming when Generic Agent X has lines.
(Scott) Oh, his dad is either about to kill himself or everyone else
(Joe) 12:46:07
(Joe) Learn vi.
(Scott) Either Toyota is completely lying in these commercials, or they have some serious OSHA issues.

(Scott) Hey Joe , did you hear the news?
(Joe) No.
(Joe) No.
(Scott) Peyton Manning rocks.
(Joe) Ugh.
(Joe) I only saw his first drive.
(Joe) Looked pretty sharp. I heard he was voted MVP, but I'm not sure if that was for the Colts or the Bears.
(Scott) And Manning said, "during the hard times, I was carrying you."
(Joe) Dun dun Dun dun.
(Scott) Defens
(Scott) Defense wept
(Scott) 12:27
(Scott) 12:27
(Joe) 12:27:59
(Scott) Morris's brother? Really?
(Scott) Severe radiation exposure.
(Joe) It's Moris' brother. Severe radiation blah blah blah.
(Scott) Hah, I missed this before, but Morris is the new Edgar.
(Joe) It's his brother. Someone is trying to cram in a motif. Or a theme. Or an object lesson.
(Scott) Morris's brother = Edgar's mother
(Joe) Brothers. Fathers.
(Joe) Like Season Two was about the cycle of life. Cougars/running/cougars/running.
(Scott) Is Fayad really looking for just any engineer?
(Joe) It'll take me half-an-hour to figure out what you've done. I don't even own Matlab.
(Scott) Chloe would take a half hour to catch up on Morris' proprietary code.
(Joe) Lots of needles.
(Scott) This is the lesson of open source, people.
(Joe) Which is the way you'd want them.
(Joe) 2cc's! Ha!
(Scott) Would that even make it through that 10 feet of line?
(Joe) That'll do Jack. That'll do.
(Scott) Jack is going pretty easy on the guy who tried to kill him and his father.
(Joe) Ha! No.
(Joe) Why would you let a Bauer that close to your neck?
(Scott) Whatever happened to cutting off fingers.
(Joe) At the edge of a nut garden?
(Joe) Too messy.
(Scott) He probably didn't need to say this much.
(Scott) Could have just stopped at Palmer, I think.
(Joe) Wow, they're definitely going to need Dr. Phil to come in.
(Joe) We're the same.
(Joe) I'm not messing with Jack Bauer.
(Joe) Uh, I need somebody in here.
(Scott) Going to need to pants in here, sarge.
(Scott) I think it's 36 x 32
(Joe) 'Psst. I heard he killed a guy with his mind.'
(Scott) Or whatever you've got.
(Joe) 12:36:09

(Joe) Jack Bauer. Is. Norbit.
(Scott) What kind of voice over is that for the taco bell commercial?
(Joe) A borderline racist one.
(Scott) It's like Speedy Gonzalez and Pepe le Pew had a child.
(Scott) 12:15
(Joe) 12:15:40
(Joe) NSA intercepted a stream of chatter.
(Scott) NSA intercepted chatter, like a Ton Brady pass.
(Scott) Tom, that is.
(Joe) And image file inside the data stream.
(Scott) He's writing a salvage utility . . .
(Scott) Are those sand bags?
(Joe) We need to take my brother alive. I would have loved if he made air quotes on 'alive'.
(Scott) All of you guys with high powered rifles . . . use non-lethal force!
(Scott) The kid is getting it . . .
(Joe) Cousin Oliver II doesn't like fighting.
(Joe) 'Sorry, honey, we're all a little tense today.'
(Joe) ... with the nuclear weapon and all.
(Scott) They should probably get the son out of there before they start torturing Graham.
(Joe) What's with the fierce look? I though we could have some alone time.
(Joe) No, she doesn't.
(Scott) Her eyes are just wrong . . .
(Joe) "I know what he's capable of."
(Joe) Did Gray talk about a man named McCarthy? Possibly named Andrew?
(Joe) I just want to get my son -- your son -- out of here.
(Scott) Have my family transfered back to CTU for "debriefing"
(Joe) Shouldn't they have more than one word for:
(Joe) 1) Debriefed: Made to sit at a table and questioned.
(Scott) Grandpa isn't terribly receptive to the hugs.
(Scott) Nice lighting.
(Joe) 2) Debriefed: Hooked up to a car battery and questionable truth serums while their family is killed in front of them.
(Joe) 'I panicked, Jack.'
(Joe) 'Panicked! You tried to kill me and our father.'
(Scott) He has Saturn around his head.
(Joe) Ooh, thermal imaging for lie detection. What about the ol' ten snapped finger method?
(Scott) Mr. McGraham. Don't make me torture. You wouldn't like me when I torture.
(Joe) 12:23:30

(Scott) 24 - Let's call it episode 7
(Joe) Graham made a mess.
(Scott) The following takes place between 12:00 PM and 1:00 PM.
(Joe) Phillip Bauer. Again, what the hell?
(Joe) DON'T CALL ME JUNIOR!
(Scott) Heh, that's the best hazmat van ever.
(Scott) Spellcheck? Really?
(Joe) I think that was Senator Bill Frist
(Scott) She resigned over a map?
(Joe) Here's a draft of the executive order. Kinko's really is pretty awesome.
(Scott) Did he just scratch himself with the executive order?
(Joe) Suspending habeas corpus. It's my understanding that the Constitution doesn't guarantee that, just that you can't take it away.
(Joe) Colored from the bohemian hipster artist living above.
(Scott) The chief of staff is incredibly persuasive.
(Joe) Manny Coto.
(Joe) Wait, that's not the time.
(Scott) He's like Mesmer.
(Joe) Ralph Reed?
(Joe) David Messmer?
(Scott) Messier?
(Joe) The Rangers. Army or New York?
(Scott) Franz Mesmer
(Scott) After we're done what do you want us to do?
(Joe) The guy who's been in a dark Chinese dungeon would have told us if he told his backup teams something.
(Joe) 'Heading the family'?
(Joe) 'Protecting the company'?
(Scott) I worked my entire life to see that you would live the way you have.
(Joe) Archduke Mesmer
(Scott) You know, dead wife. Prison. Mental anguish. Your daughter hates you, you know . . .
(Joe) 'After you left, this bald turd of a man was all I had left. And money. And models. And a pretty bad-ass car.'
(Joe) I'm a Bauer, for crap's-sake.
(Scott) Shoot them in the van. Oh geez. Are they really going to trap them in cement?
(Scott) This is like batman
(Joe) Look of death.
(Scott) What's this?
(Joe) Don't they know who they're dealing with?
(Joe) Jack is mad at pops for killing a guy.
(Joe) No, but four (!) of your employees are dead where they sat.
(Joe) 12:10
(Scott) Don't throw the keys, you fool. That's how you lose things . . .
(Joe) 'I found a guy to program... Here's HIS CURRICULA VITAE.'
(Joe) 12:11:14
(Scott) Terrorists want a CV these days?
(Joe) Also, here's his MySpace page.
(Joe) Mitch Mitchell.
(Scott) Nice. It's a buyers market.
(Joe) There's an abstract of his master's thesis: 'Arming Nuclear Triggers for Russian Suitcase Nukes'

Sure he's got the numbers, but until he has more than only one Super Bowl win, he can't be considered among the elite quarterbacks in the history of the league.

So this comment wasn't so much on that site anymore, Joe. I'm sure his credit is fine. Although, he does kind of seem like a jerk.