(Scott) Tonight on the news, couple loses film from their honeymoon. Also, we spend 80 seconds on kooky world news.
(Scott) They race goats in whatever country this is.
(Joe) I'm going to start a new show with, uh, Donald Sutherland and call it 365, where every episode is a day and the season lasts for seven years.
(Scott) Ooh, good idea.
(Joe) And it's not going to suck ass.
(Scott) It will still suck ass.
(Scott) Oh, my lord . . .
(Joe) Think we can count on Donald Sutherland for seven years? He might bolt for his movie career.

(Scott) Hopefully it's O-negative.
(Scott) Seriously, according to ATT's own math, they drop nearly 1.2 million calls daily.
(Scott) .01 percent failure rate.
(Joe) Ricky: "Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say."
(Scott) I may have missed that last statement, Joe.
(Scott) This software is awesome.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Tiny fuel-efficient coupes.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Drive
(Scott) 8:38
(Joe) 08:38:59
(Scott) 8:39:25
(Scott) Uncle Bill sits down for a heart to heart..
(Joe) I'd think there's going to be some uncomfortable moments in the office.
(Scott) I order you not to take legal action.
(Scott) It's not like it's the first time they've tortured somebody and asked them to stay and finish out their shift.
(Joe) He's 'setting up your workstation'. It will reek of Altoids.
(Joe) Is it more like 'scoliosis in elementary school' or 'snitch in gen-pop'?
(Joe) We'll find out.
(Scott) 1. sell her out as a terrorist. 2. Force yourself on her. 3. Children.
(Joe) "I just wanted to say 'I'm sorry.'" ... for my unfortunate facial hair.
(Joe) "I just wanted to say 'I'm sorry.'" like I apologized to Morris.
(Scott) Intracranial swelling.
(Joe) Where were all of those people before?
(Joe) "Will it hurt?" "No, I promise."
(Joe) "I'm a keen expert on what hurts."
(Scott) Brady is definitely getting shot, leading to a rage driven killing spree by Jack.
(Joe) I carry around a Wong-Baker faces diagram with me at all times.
(Scott) You're hurting me. No, I'm not.
(Scott) Tranquilizer dart? What is he, a cheetah?
(Scott) The sniper is hiding in incredibly plain sight.
(Joe) "Windows are tinted. I can't see who'
(Joe) "Windows are tinted. I can't see who's inside."
(Joe) Don't they have like infrared goggles and stuff?
(Joe) Yeah, there.
(Joe) Stupid Brady's going to blow it at the last minute.
(Joe) Has he heard all of that?
(Joe) (C'mon, I'm totally setting you up on that one.)
(Joe) It's his father!
(Scott) Third hostile . . .
(Scott) It's much harder to bring down this Brady than the Boston one.
(Joe) He totally fell like James Cromwell.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: BOYFRIEND PANTS
(Joe) And a dance number at that.
(Scott) Seriously, you will never take off from a dead stop with 10,000 pounds. Never.
(Scott) It's not going to happen.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Unprobable truck acrobatics.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: The Riches
(Scott) You just need something large enough for golf clubs and a child seat.
(Joe) Who plays Professor Keenbean in this version?
(Scott) It's more of a mystery what killed Oswald than what killed Ana Nicole Smith.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Minivans.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Artists and bohemians.
(Scott) Hubris, of course, is what killed Oswald.
(Joe) And Jack Ruby.
(Scott) Jack "Hubris" Ruby
(Joe) And Cuban-CIA interests.
(Scott) And a bad childhood.
(Joe) 'Hubris' also means a giant hole in the abdomen.
(Joe) Apparently.
(Joe) 08:53:59
(Scott) 8:53
(Joe) "The guys are going to look after you."
(Joe) "You did great." Best partner I had since Tony Almeda.
(Joe) Well, the best one still alive. They die a lot.
(Scott) Jack no longer has to act like he any longer has feelings.
(Scott) Back to killing.
(Joe) Gradenko is... his uncle!
(Joe) Why is he leaving himself in biting distance?
(Scott) Jack's neck is made of thorns.
(Joe) Shouldn't he be trained in anti-de-jugularification tactics?
(Scott) Gradenko is about to get a pardon.
(Joe) "Make the call."
(Joe) Aw, crap. Amnesty!
(Scott) Fax from the attorney general.
(Joe) Seriously, this is just the worst.
(Joe) The show has officially jumped the shark. I'm calling it.
(Joe) Stick a fork in it, Jerry; it's done.
(Scott) Really, this bothers you, and not the previous 6 and a half season?
(Scott) He bit a man to death just twelve hours ago.
(Scott) What is this noise?
(Scott) Someone is dialing in on a modem?
(Scott) Palmer calling to fire the Vice President from the grave.
(Scott) He was only in a coma for two hours . . .
(Joe) Don't they know? That's like MacGyver getting himself out of a prison on eight different shows by taking the springs off a bed and using it as a slingshot.
(Joe) Well, the Attorney General is pretty busy right now.
(Scott) Another vote to oust the president. Better get the array of monitors.
(Joe) He's running a little cottage industry granting friggin' amnesty to everyone terrorist he hears about.

(Scott) Seriously, you're just driving to work. You're not going to be hauling a ton of shit around.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Big, burly trucks.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsdale getting murdered.
(Scott) You really don't need anything larger than a Yugo.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Taxes.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: DIET Dr. Pepper.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Being smarter than a fifth grader.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Whiny nerd phone sales.
(Scott) The promo for this smarter than a fifth grader is boast of a contestant who is making show history. This show's been on for a week, right?
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Free Chevrolet vehicles. BOGO
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: henpecked husbands who enjoy pizza
(Scott) I don't understand cell phones at all.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Rollover minutes. And looped audio.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Bones.
(Scott) Minutes in the trash. Apparently they come with an unlikeable
(Joe) 08:28:27
(Scott) Minutes in the trash. Apparently they come with an unlikeable family
(Scott) 8:28
(Scott) Tom Brady?
(Joe) That guy killed a bunch of people on CSI.
(Scott) Nah, he probably throws btter.
(Joe) That's the most soothing Jack Bauer has ever been.
(Scott) Jack hasn't smiled in three years.
(Scott) It probably hurt worse than prison.
(Joe) Reference to Mark Duper.
(Scott) We're going to find out that Brady was born on the day that Edgar died.
(Joe) Wikipedia: "Duper legally changed his name to 'Mark Super Duper' later in his career. "
(Joe) The protocols will default.
(Scott) He carried Marino
(Joe) And that would, you know, totally suck for you.
(Scott) If the protocols reset to default, wouldn't he know what that is?
(Scott) password123
(Scott) This guy isn't human.
(Joe) Then you wouldn't know if 'Flank Two' means 'I'm in hiding' or 'Shoot everyone'.
(Scott) He walks like a robot.
(Joe) At the switching station? Bah
(Scott) This guy is Iago, right?
(Joe) I was too drunk to log it in.
(Scott) He gave it to the drunk guy 10 minutes ago.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder just looks rough.
(Joe) "It was so important I sought out the guy who armed all the nuclear weapons today."
(Joe) "You screwed with the wrong guy for the last time now." That was uncomfortable phrasing.
(Scott) River of blood . . .

(Scott) A gun in her leg, eh?
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Ellen Degeneres
(Scott) And then killing people with rotor blades
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Win, Lose or Draw
(Scott) 8:14
(Joe) 08:14:40
(Joe) Regina King.
(Scott) Wayne Palmer, who will be saved by Karen's suggestion to just bring him back to life.
(Scott) Karen will also go down in history for her suggestion that we just go ahead and cure cancer.
(Scott) Also, everyone should get along.
(Joe) I need to scrape his skin off his skeleton and have someone walk around in his flesh-suit and run the country. Can you do this?
(Joe) As close as I seem to be to my brother's National Security Advisor....
(Scott) What Would Wayne Do. WWWD
(Joe) "If you do this, you can run CTU Los Angeles. I'll have the Attorney General draft something right now."
(Scott) Made our point.
(Joe) 300 kilotons? Big. Back in my day we worked with 40, tops.
(Scott) In fewer than 30 seconds, they've brought the president out of a coma and sent a message to the Lost bunker?
(Scott) Pentebarital drip? Are they trying to ensure that he's telling the truth?
(Scott) I will compel the hell out of you if you don't stop.
(Joe) Boy, he must be a South Pole elf.
(Joe) Sodium barbitol
(Scott) In 24 land, wearing a helmet is like the opposite of protection.
(Joe) vs. phenobarbital
(Scott) Just a matter of a few grains of salt.
(Joe) Do whatever you have to do to stabilize hi,
(Joe) m.
(Scott) We have to get him to a hospital! No? Ok, sure.
(Joe) Great. This is going to be a great scene.
(Scott) You're not a real cop. You're just some guy from a Chinese prison.
(Joe) He'll feel bad if he has to pull out his lung to get him to talk.
(Scott) IBC firewall to set up a proxy server port.
(Joe) Was the crying-trash-hating-native-american on Fox News in the background.
(Scott) Hauser's brother is like Edgar, but with personality.
(Scott) On loan from district.
(Joe) Only Edgar can't crap himself and teach a life lesson at the same time.
(Scott) Milo's shirt has a crab emblem.
(Joe) 08:24:08

(Joe) Unbelievable Prison Break. This is only serving to train our children to shoot people on sight and not talking them to death first.
(Scott) You'd think they would have learned from watching people not kill Jack Bauer.
(Scott) According to Verizon's ad about their reliability, they fail on almost 1.2 million calls everyday.
(Scott) T-bag looks like he's late for class on the first day of school.
(Joe) Step One: Buy a dinghy and some paint...
(Joe) First the cut was small... then it got red... then it started to smell... then it turned black... The doctor said it might be infected.
(Scott) Bathe in neosporin, or your child will not live out the year.
(Joe) After only one drink, your ability to find a drone decreases by 100 yards...
(Joe) He's 'fighting' a stall.
(Joe) (Did you see him straining against the joystick. Priceless.)
(Scott) More radiation poisoning . . . this really is season two all over again.
(Scott) It was one of the joysticks that gives the physical feedback
(Scott) Seems like a poor choice.
(Joe) Go through their databases.
(Scott) The following takes place between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM.
(Scott) Looking for Grandenko to prevent a trigger-happy president.
(Joe) Can't terrorists take some tips off Marwan. Armani, mock turtlenecks, etc.
(Scott) Gradenko and the other guy are hiding in a storage bin?
(Joe) These guys look like boxcar hobos.
(Joe) I HAVE THE BOMBS!
(Scott) This is going to turn out to be like one of those buddy terrorist movies.
(Scott) They'll learn to get along when they realize that both of them have a love for destroying civilization.
(Joe) I'm the only one who can give you the targets you want: (a.k.a., Nancy Pelosi's district.)
(Scott) I doubt that arms dealers offer much in the way of money-back guarantees.
(Joe) Gradenko is clearly not Tango.
(Scott) New plot point . . .
(Scott) What have we dropped so far?
(Joe) "I need you to access some files from my office."
(Scott) He's going to access files from the office mainframe?
(Scott) There are a lot more mainframes on 24 than I've worked with in the last 10 years.
(Joe) Transferred to a holding station?
(Scott) Why can't Milo wear his watch like a standup guy?
(Scott) Houser?
(Scott) The call was scrambled . . .
(Joe) "Unfortunately the call was scrambled."
(Scott) Remote access module.
(Scott) Nadia did install spyware!
(Scott) Stupid flight simulator games.
(Scott) Ricky Schroder is going to learn a valuable lesson from all of this.
(Joe) Okay, one of the radical websites Nadia was monitoring triggered the specialty hardware. Yeah, sounds believable to me. But then again, I'm Hauser's brother.
(Scott) Bunch of guys with helmets on the move. Casualties to follow.
(Scott) By the way every programmer I've know is just like Houser's brother.
(Scott) Some are better spoken.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 viewers: Ladies shorts.

(Scott) Struggle between good and evil in a post modern reality?
(Scott) Disturbia looks ridiculous.
(Joe) Is that a fancy way of saying Rear Window-ripoff?
(Scott) Yeah, I guess so.
(Joe) The Riches. Later.
(Scott) I already don't believe anything that happens in that movie..
(Joe) Where's George, Osama?
(Scott) They were referring to the defunct magazine, of course.
(Joe) Disturbia will have a 'we ran out of money so let's edit some crap together' "surprise" ending.
(Joe) Right-o. Cindy Crawford as the Founding Fathers
(Joe) Not as consistent as the Oprah Magazine covers.
(Scott) He's a ghost in a world of zombies!
(Scott) 7:50.
(Scott) PM
(Scott) What is that number in the lower left of his screen?
(Scott) Inches to go?
(Joe) "The drone is approaching the city. I can see where Full House was filmed."
(Scott) Rear, and to the left.
(Scott) Rear, and to the left . . .
(Joe) "Also, Nash Bridges. I loved that Cheech Marin growing up in my breakaway republic."
(Scott) Security guard . . . dead.
(Scott) Autocad?
(Scott) Jack is a killing machine.
(Scott) And he's going to have to land the drone?
(Joe) He's behind in the kill count.
(Joe) Then why the hell are they there?
(Scott) He can steer the drone though, right?
(Joe) What?
(Scott) Ha! Don't make the drone stall.
(Joe) Alcatraz is no more.
(Scott) They're just trying to make a video game out of this.
(Joe) Land it?
(Scott) The monitors Jack is using are clearly out of 1952.
(Joe) Try to get it in a scenic area. Where we can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
(Joe) ... or wherever Chinatown is. I need to take out Chinatown.
(Scott) That was a terrible choice to land . . .
(Scott) That was a terrible choice to land . . .
(Joe) That is the least spectacular action sequence I've ever seen.
(Scott) Put it where there are lots of obstacles for it to hit.
(Scott) A fire and rescue unit is one the scene. They may not know what they're getting into.
(Joe) Don't let the plane catch on fire. There are conventional explosives, you big dummies.
(Scott) They carry a geiger counter? Homeland security pork barrel spending to the rescue.
(Scott) They carry a geiger counter? Homeland security pork barrel spending to the rescue.
(Scott) Hazmat probably isn't equipped for nuclear weapons.
(Scott) Dirty bomb
(Joe) I'm surprised the San Francisco emergency teams didn't trade in the Geiger counters for rain sticks.
(Joe) Or 'really trippy sandals'.
(Joe) God-damned hippies.
(Joe) "Proceed with the warning strike as planned."
(Scott) Warning strike . . . no, I mean liberation explosion.
(Joe) Check his campaign contributions for money from Big Glass.
(Scott) Secretary Cannon? Seriously?
(Joe) 08:00. Everyone at CTU should be leaving to watch American Idol.

(Scott) This will ensure Pete Wilson's comeback.
(Joe) She has a machine gun leg.
(Joe) A. Machine. Gun. Leg.
(Scott) I once knew a girl with a glass eye.
(Joe) Clare Danes has a glass eye?
(Scott) Kind of cute, but had trouble going to the right.
(Scott) Running of the Bears . . .
(Scott) Running of the Ebola would be worse, I think.
(Joe) Running of the Dysentery.
(Joe) Yeah, Ebola wins.
(Scott) Heh, running of the dysentery.
(Joe) So I learned while in Namibia while playing Rock, Ebola, Malaria
(Scott) 7:39.
(Scott) 15 ccs of something. 2 would be a ridiculously small amount.
(Joe) "He's a fighter."
(Joe) I liked it when the President was sickly. Like FDR.
(Scott) Heh, is there anyway that you can bring the president back to consciousness?
(Joe) We should try that. Bah-dum-bum.
(Scott) I need to speak with him. Or I could just use a medium.
(Scott) What's that? Knocking?
(Joe) Is she going in there and plugging machines back in?
(Joe) Whew.
(Joe) I'll need four candles and some dog blood.
(Joe) STATIC IN THE LINE
(Scott) If only Nadia could show Ricky Schroeder how she can dance.
(Joe) I will leave a restaurant without paying the bill. Do you hear me? Without paying the bill.
(Joe) Like what Mel Gibson did at Fort Wilderness.
(Joe) Wouldn't she have a black diplomatic passport still?
(Joe) Where have I been?
(Scott) Lockdowns, protocols, perimeters . . .
(Scott) Put me on the team coach. I can still do it!
(Joe) I'll need a PDA and a phone. Make sure the phone can blow up the PDA and vice-versa.
(Joe) I'll need a PDA and a phone. Make sure the phone can blow up the PDA and vice-versa.
(Scott) Seriously, this guy is trying to be tough: http://imdb.com/gallery/mptv/1060/Mptv/1060/11065-0006.jpg.html
(Joe) Guess what the 24 movie will be about?
(Scott) Also, Buchanan is a mole . . .

(Scott) Does a bear shit in the woods?
(Joe) I've got syphillis.
(Joe) That's probably better in context.
(Scott) Or does syphillis have you?
(Scott) I'm pretty sure the whole concept defies context.
(Joe) Nice grafitti'd laptop.
(Joe) Best Domino's Pizza commercial since Avoid the Noid swept the nation.
(Scott) Better than Bad Andy?
(Scott) I'm much smarter than a 5th grader, and I can kick his ass too.
(Scott) 7:28
(Joe) Next: Jeff Foxworthy hosts 'Drive into a Convenience Store'.
(Scott) A reverse status what on the intel?
(Scott) More nonsense with Morris and his drunkeness.
(Joe) "Just checking your breath."
(Scott) Seriously, 24 should avoid intentional humor.
(Scott) Humour.
(Scott) Bile
(Joe) "Tom, you know this insane."
(Scott) Foreign desert, actually. Mostly sand. Very little actual soil.
(Joe) You had better pray that CTU can find and stop that drone.
(Joe) Also, in case you're paying attention, Jack is probably using the bathroom and eating right now.
(Scott) The drone can avoid the satellite by manuevering?
(Scott) Is satellite coverage 100 x 100 meters?
(Scott) metres
(Joe) Ricky Schroeder is old.
(Scott) More Milo v. Ricky.
(Joe) Reboot CTU's mainframe?
(Joe) What?
(Joe) They have a giant monolithic mainframe?
(Scott) Nadia is innocent. She just installed some spyware.
(Scott) Nadia is innocent. She just installed some spyware.
(Joe) So, are they going to take her to the room with the needles and car batteries and such?
(Scott) Large spinny tapes.
(Scott) Yep, not other possible plot, I think.
(Scott) Or better yet, drunk uncle Morris accidentally leaked the information.
(Joe) Ha! San Francisco.

(Joe) Yep. Nothing funny so far.
(Scott) You posting?
(Scott) I was going for inciteful.
(Scott) Insightful?
(Scott) Yeah, insightful
(Joe) Although, why was it Drone oh-seven-zero-nine? They have four.
(Scott) Base 709.
(Joe) As in, "Launch drone 0709!"
(Scott) 7:15
(Scott) A finite number of topics on the West coast. Exactly 15.
(Joe) Gotta be San Francisco.
(Joe) Others have desert approaches.
(Scott) Buchanan is trying to look tough for Jack.
(Joe) It disappeared? Does Morris smell like Altoids?
(Scott) Jack will hurt Ricky Schroeder soon . . . guaranteed.
(Joe) "Boy, you wouldn't believe how many heartfelt moments I've had standing right here."
(Scott) People pick the worst time for these moments.
(Scott) Jack throws in a bit of exposition.
(Joe) Are you talking about Audrey Raines? You don't know, do you?"
(Scott) I'm going to see what happens with this other chick. If that doesn't go well, maybe you and I can hook up.
(Joe) "Audrey's dead."
(Joe) And/or on a new show.
(Scott) She died choking on a fortune cookie . . . oh, the irony.
(Joe) "I have to go. Independently verify it and all. You've heard about Nina, I'm sure."
(Joe) "I want that file!"
(Joe) She died while driving an American car. Those things are death traps.
(Scott) Jack is definitely kicking some train riding CTU agent ass.
(Scott) Clearly the new president has a history with Karen.
(Joe) No, Karen, I tripped over your ineptitude. Hilarious.
(Joe) Also, stupidwhoresayswhat?
(Scott) Back in the Lost bunker. I think we should go after the others with everything we've got! But what about the polar bears?
(Joe) Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.
(Joe) "That is the fiction they hide behind."
(Scott) The fiction they hide behind. Like so much Jane Austen
(Scott) A warning shot?
(Joe) A warning shot?
(Scott) So like just over a peninsula?
(Scott) This just makes no sense . . .
(Joe) Who cares about the Chinese or Russians anyway...
(Scott) The Chinese and Russians will just take it as an opportunity to strike Chechnya and Tawain.
(Joe) Dangerous and reckless, blah blah blah.
(Joe) Okay, who's next in line.
(Scott) The French will be in Algeria by nightfall.
(Scott) The Belgians will be back in the Congo.
(Joe) 07:24
(Scott) The British will rediscover their love for curry.
(Joe) The Secretary of Veteran's Affairs. On the phone. And get the Attorney General. He better have plenty of fax paper.

(Scott) Is this thing on?
(Scott) Possible internet issues tonight. We'll see how it goes.
(Scott) Why did he need a tattoo to remember the name of a ship?
(Scott) 617 was to open a cheap lock? Couldn't he just hide a key under a nearby rock?
(Scott) 24 - Season 6: Episode 14
(Scott) View discretion is advised. For example, don't go for those teaser rate mortgages. They're probably not a good idea.
(Scott) The following takes place between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder bears some resemblance to a clean cut John Denver.
(Scott) Drones in the valley.
(Scott) Only one drone is armed. The terrorists are taking eons in 24 time.
(Scott) It took them less time to find an engineer.
(Scott) Jack could have flown a helicopter to China before they finish arming the drones.
(Scott) Evasion tactics aren't finished.
(Scott) Everything is slow on 24 suddenly. They can't reposition satellites in under 30 seconds?
(Scott) Milo putting on the moves . . .
(Scott) On Nah-Dea
(Scott) Not sure, but I think Milo is wearing a one world government t-shirt. Someone may want to look into that.
(Scott) Specs on the R2Q. Low profile design.
(Scott) Nadia Yasser.
(Scott) The drone is gone.
(Scott) CTU is hacked . . . again . . . And this time not even from the server room.
(Scott) How can they hack the system so that a particular thing will not appear on a satellite feed?
(Scott) A trigger happy president going to war against all logic? I'm not sure I buy that . . .
(Joe) Yeah, nuts.
(Scott) You posting?

(Joe) A cross between Groundhog Day and Déjá Vu.
(Scott) Is this thing on?
(Joe) Why are they doing this? I should be given a medal.
(Scott) This music is straight from Men in Black.
(Joe) "I hope I don't have to write anything down."
(Scott) Anya, I have this crazy plan . . .
(Scott) Someone is in the room with Anya . . .
(Joe) "Remember the last time you were here? With the assassination attempt and all? Yeah, good times."
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder just doesn't look good at all.
(Joe) I'm missing a finger. A finger! My cocaine finger, even!
(Scott) Yet another breakaway Russian republic. This time in LA.
(Joe) The United States of America has the support of the Russian state in this matter.
(Scott) I recommend that you pipe in knockout gas.
(Scott) I'm not sure knockout translates directly. I mean, poison gas.
(Joe) Wilem Dafoe will certainly die.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder's dad is just spoiling him with the toys at this point.
(Joe) "Out of bullets. Better warm up my bitin' muscles."
(Joe) "I'm Mike Doyle!"
(Scott) How long before Bauer no longer appear hurt?
(Scott) I give him until early next episode.
(Joe) "The drone is ready to launch. Arm the bomb."
(Scott) Logan bores himself into a coma.
(Scott) And that's the show.
(Joe) "I will haunt you all! Mwahhahhahha!

So, is Kommenter or scholardesk responsible for my posts being lost?

(Joe) The ventriloquust who was buried with her doll collection... but they didn't stay dead!
(Joe) Pretty horsies in a field. (Diamond Mafia)
(Joe) Justin Timberlake (Verizon)
(Joe) Cars. Better. (Lincoln/Mercury)
(Joe) (Apple)
(Joe) The greatest movie of 2006. (Casino Royale)
(Joe) Bones.
(Scott) 6:42
(Scott) Box truck!
(Scott) They must have a whole fleet of old bread trucks.
(Joe) "How far are you away from the consulate?" 150 miles. We'll be there in, uh, ten minutes.
(Joe) He's the President of the United States. He needs the bureaucrat to confirm the story?
(Joe) "I say it is, and I'm willing to bet you I'm right."
(Joe) Of course Surnow would love this President.
(Joe) In this world, that means more than the second-string National Guardsmen in Bradleys and flak jackets that can actually deploy somewhere.
(Joe) Out, damned spot!
(Scott) It was all a ruse.
(Scott) Lennox is about to sell out.
(Scott) I'll bet you I'm right. 7 card stud for who gets to bomb whom.
(Joe) I put up with you that week you thought my genitals needed to be punched repeatedly to save the world.
(Joe) She'll lose some blood soon.
(Joe) She's very luck to have you. I especially liked how you brought down my Presidency.
(Joe) Aaron totally wanted to take those kiwi fruit/ice in the chest.
(Joe) Maybe don't pull it out.
(Joe) Listen, you're a Secret Service agent. Those guys know more about stabilizing people than most EMTs.

(Scott) Logan has forgotten that he's indecisive.
(Scott) In the midst of a manhunt, she's making copies?
(Joe) Jack Bauer's going to use up all the toilet paper! He must be stopped.
(Scott) Don't be scared. I'll shoot you below the knee. You'll still be able to walk.
(Joe) Shots of ancient Cold War era equipment. We get it. Reagan didn't win the Cold War, he fumbled though it. You made your point
(Scott) Cold, ice cold.
(Scott) I believe Aaron lost some weight.
(Joe) ... if you know what I mean.
(Joe) "Wait, I have a daughter?"
(Joe) She's funny that way.
(Scott) Hey
(Scott) She just noticed.
(Scott) Or was she talking about Logan?
(Joe) Logan.
(Joe) "You look beautiful." 'Of course, I'm dressed like Steve Jobs you sicko.'
(Scott) Check out my huge wrist watch,
(Scott) You know what they say about a man with a large watch . . .
(Joe) When I say 'prison', I mean a 10,000 square foot...
(Scott) Large hands.
(Joe) Damn, she's uncanny. Probably psychic.
(Scott) She called the weight loss. Just on the wrong person.
(Joe) "I need a drink." Anyone have any mints?
(Joe) 06:37:37

(Scott) Oh good. I come back and they're not on the TV anymore.
(Joe) Cross between Prison Break and 24. Perfect.
(Joe) ("Shooter")
(Joe) Eating meat. Great. ("KFC")
(Joe) Pretty dresses. What the hell? ("Old Navy")
(Scott) I don't think this flower petal commercial fits well with the typical 24 audiencec.
(Joe) Artists/surfers/women bowlers? (Verizon)
(Joe) Cars. Back to respectability. (Ford)
(Scott) That guy is friggin huge.
(Joe) Giants. (Verizon)
(Joe) But she was bragging about her shoes. That's gonna cost them.
(Scott) 6:31
(Scott) Do you know where your CTU agent is?
(Joe) Overly excited people singing pop hits. Definitely not the 24-demographic.

(Joe) My guess is that the Blackjack has more street cred than the Sync.
(Joe) F2: Flank two.
(Scott) 6:20
(Joe) 06:20:27
(Scott) The terrorists have been at this airport for longer than anyone has been anywhere on 24.
(Joe) "That's about as likely as a terrorist knocking on my door and surrendering."
(Scott) He doesn't actually have a door, oddly enough.
(Joe) I'm aware that attacking a nuclear state is 'sticky', but we've got a whole team ready. A whole team, Mr. President.
(Scott) Just put me on the team coach
(Joe) I brought those cookies you like. I cut out the eyes of the keebler elves, just like you want them.
(Joe) I stopped by Mel's!
(Scott) You shouldn't be outside with all of the ladybugs outside. Ladybugs! Ladybugs!
(Joe) Alice, pick it up!
(Scott) Holy crap, that's a giant pear!
(Joe) "Martha Logan's bungalow."
(Joe) Charles? Manson? No, Logan.
(Scott) Eight ball speaking.
(Joe) "I no longer have to tolerate your sarcasm."
(Joe) And your thinly-veiled racism.
(Scott) I'm already substantially more bored with these people on screen.
(Joe) Lot of wine glasses for a bungalow for the persistently depressed.
(Scott) Ok, I'm going to go get a beer. Back in a minute.
(Joe) I'll meet you secretly, Charles. Wear that tie I bought you.
(Joe) 06:26:40

(Scott) House? What the hell? Where's Prison Break?
(Joe) Big episode last week. No Prison Break.
(Scott) 24 - season 6, episode 13
(Joe) And yes, Aaron and Lady MacBeth found each other.
(Scott) The following takes place between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM
(Scott) Quitin' time?
(Joe) Yeah, Morris is definitely going to be watching the clock at CTU.
(Scott) Morris is to three buttons down drunk.
(Joe) How is it still a secret that Logan is a traitor? They live in Los Angeles.
(Scott) Chloe in yet another awkward moment.
(Scott) CTU has a standard procedure for someone under house arrest?
(Joe) Fort Bragg?
(Scott) That must be flank 8
(Joe) If he mentions 'that he can't find any good barbeque', I'll scream.
(Joe) As Soon As Possible
(Scott) Wow, Ricky Schroeder looks like adolescence wasn't kind to him.
(Joe) It's code.
(Joe) First order of business. Lay some track from the kitchen to the staircase.
(Scott) Milo and Ricky don't like each other, but they'll be friends when they see each others dancing skills.
(Scott) Vladamir Putin's cousin should be more shoot happy.
(Scott) Jack learned how to remove a man's belt that fast in his Navy years.
(Scott) Stupid containers
(Scott) These people are no better at searching than CTU agents
(Joe) Russians don't know volume very well. They fall for that graduated cylinder of water/beaker of water thing every time.
(Scott) Did he just say to shut down the DSL?
(Scott) Morris - So drunk he can't hear.
(Joe) In Russia, the phones call you!
(Joe) Morris just 'got a call from Jack'. Daniels.
(Scott) Is it procedure to leave the director of CTU's computer in with a guy under house arrest?
(Joe) If he hears from Johnny Walker, let me know.
(Joe) No, you misunderstood. When I say Red Tape, I mean ripping out some commie tongues.
(Scott) I know, I can help with an incredibly unlikely scheme that will bring in another character from last season.
(Joe) I think I can get through to her.
(Joe) "Wooo, I'm your subconscious!"
(Scott) Your crazy wife will talk to the Russian's wife? That's so crazy it just might work.
(Joe) Wow, a Jack Bauer-style CTU bureaucrat.
(Scott) I only want to choke Morris once.
(Joe) The only reason you're not redundantly logging in is that I don't want to carry you.
(Scott) Or I only want to make a pretentious speech once.
(Scott) Morris, down to four buttons now.
(Joe) Gage Whitney.
(Scott) They couldn't get Fred Thompson to play the VP?
(Joe) He's too conservative for Surnow.
(Joe) Pro gun, pro life, pro overturning Roe v. Wade.
(Scott) I don't think the Vice President really gets this involved in these details.
(Scott) Pro-surge
(Scott) McCain, without all of the reform.
(Joe) I agree. "We gotta keep those supermarkets opening! Where are my scissors?!"
(Scott) I doubt Cheney has ever cut a ribbon.
(Scott) He hired a contractor to have it strafed.
(Joe) If you consider the Watergate tapes 'ribbons'...
(Scott) Seriously, the Lost bunker.
(Scott) Do not forget to press the keys.
(Joe) 06:15:57

So, I guess that's the show. What's this? Ricky Schroeder next week? And Logan's wife? I guess we get to drop some story lines soon.

5:54

-The Vice President addresses the nation . . .
-No more habeus corpus for you. Not that we're removing it, you just never had it.
-Morris is picking up the shadow of their messages? I don't think I heard that quite right.
-Ooh, Buchanan is going to raid the consulate?
-The guy who's guarding Jack was clearly cast from his likeness to Alexander Litvinenko.
-The Russian guard is definitely getting shot.
-He has one of those ear pieces and a phone?
-Yeah, and shot . . .
-By a guy who looks like Putin's uncle . . .

Ok, so Joe had to leave to catch the rest of the My Little Pony marathon on Nickelodeon. So, we're back to posting the old way for the rest of the hour . . .

5:43

-I can't believe we're only half way through at this point . . .
-The Vice President has inherited the Lost bunker for himself.
-Karen Hayes is "back in play"
-She left to be back in LA with her husband, but she returned when she realized that she couldn't get that far before the episode was over.
-The Vice President has to deal with the lose gun Bauer acting on the wisdom of Charles Logan.
-The Russians threaten to retaliate through diplomacy . . . and poisoning. Lots of poisoning.
-How are the Russians not raiding the consulate? Surely they have gas lines pumped into every room of the embassy.
-Finger cutting . . .
-Unrealistically cautious Russians . . .
-And . . . the consulate sells out Gradenko.
-Did Jack think he was just going to walk out of the room. Not sure I get that . . .

(Joe) Dave Matthews on a very special House.
(Scott) I can't express in words how much I dislike Verizon.
(Scott) I can only express my feelings for Verizon by pulling paws off of kittens.
(Joe) Fox News on a phone.
(Scott) So you're still posting?
(Joe) For some reason they haven't announced that the President was possibly offed by a terrorist.
(Scott) Who is does that person remind me of?
(Scott) Coach?
(Scott) And then there's this other guy. He looks familiar too.
(Scott) Lennox has turned himself in.
(Joe) Yes, the itinerary is the key to the whole thing.
(Scott) More tedium. Raise your hand if you care about Lennox . . .
(Scott) Hang on a second, Mr. Vice President, I need to type this code in the computer. Bad things happen if I don't.
(Joe) Are you like two seasons behind in Lost?
(Scott) I haven't seen this one.
(Scott) The first two, I've seen.
(Scott) 4 8 15 16 23 42
(Joe) The hatch dematerializes and they all get sent back home.
(Joe) 108
(Joe) Also, Jack Bauer likes Russian prisons. Better gulash.
(Scott) Excellent. Do we find out who number one is?
(Joe) Has chunks in it.
(Scott) Patrick McGoohan has been running this thing all along.
(Joe) Okay, I missed Chlow hacking into the Russian embassy's video system.
(Joe) or Chloe, whatever.
(Scott) Jack Bauer invading a consulate again.
(Scott) Was that a manual alarm?
(Scott) Oh, the power is back on.
(Joe) Let's fill the room with schoolkids followed by nerve gas.
(Scott) If only it were a theatre.

(Joe) Mmm, exoskeletons.
(Joe) (Red Lobster)
(Joe) Are we not supposed to use glo-sticks?
(Joe) 05:16:30
(Scott) Since season 2, every bad thing that has happened has been a result of an inside conspiracy. It seems like eventually, that will become the default assumption.
(Scott) Vice President . . . still on Air Force 2
(Joe) Worried about the President of the United States being on the run.
(Scott) Logan is being supervised by a guy who's not really working for us. He's a crazy man, really. Bit a man to death this morning . . .
(Joe) 20 feet, eh?
(Scott) That looks like the same embassy as the Chinese one that was raided a couple of seasons ago.
(Joe) Do you want the suitcase full of cash now or later?
(Joe) It's rude to refuse a Russian offering you Cuban cigars.
(Scott) In Soviet Russia, the brief case nuclears you . . . ah, those jokes just don't work anymore.
(Scott) Logan seems substantially more substantial this year.
(Joe) Ah, the old nerve gas trick.
(Joe) He's stil doing the nodding thing.
(Scott) Perhaps your finger needs a little cutting.
(Joe) "You ever have to fish quarters out of a car seat? It's a lot harder with three-inch stubs."
(Scott) Jack is about to make his second assault on an embassy.
(Scott) Russia is exposed . . .
(Scott) Why does Gredenko have a smokestack on his walkie talkie?
(Scott) Coal powered, I think.
(Joe) Nope, I don't see any problems with invading an embassy and killing some people. Last time they shot their own guy and bang, I'm getting sodomized by the Chinese Red Army.
(Joe) 05:24:56
(Joe) McDonalds Premium Roast Coffee. Mmm, delicious.
(Scott) Ooh, McDonalds has a premium roast coffee. That means . . . absolutely nothing.

(Scott) 24 - season 6. Episode 12ish.
(Scott) Just three more episodes of Prison Break? Ever?
(Scott) The following takes place between 5:00 PM and 6:00 PM
(Scott) Kind of a boring episode last week . . .
(Joe) Why not release the tape out of spite -- show that it was politically motivated and get public opinion and the House of Representatives involved.
(Joe) And the EPA.
(Joe) Except the explosion.
(Joe) And Chad Lowe's masterful performance.
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe?
(Joe) 5PM and 6PM -- Quittin' time.
(Scott) They should not make a bomb out of maple syrup. Too suspiciously sweet.
(Scott) "You'll never do anything that will erase what you've done." That's fortune cookie material.
(Joe) Jack is still mad about being arrested. And being sent to a Chinese prison.
(Joe) I feel like Jacob.
(Joe) Or Ishmael.
(Scott) Wow, it's so great to be free of my huge house and palatial garden.
(Scott) It's rough on the inside.
(Joe) Did the Chinese dungeon have a pool as big as mine?
(Scott) Palmer wounded. The EKG thing actually has a question mark on it.
(Joe) 'I should have hit enter faster.'
(Scott) Which is a step more technical than this liveblogging was a few months ago.
(Joe) He said '
(Joe) He said 'duties'.
(Scott) The line of succession has been used more in the last five years on 24 than its ever been used in the history of the presidency.
(Joe) When I get there, I want a full security briefing from Tom Lennox.
(Scott) The secretary of agriculture has been just a couple of heart beats away . . .
(Joe) Seriously, stop making excuses.
(Joe) 'Uh, Tom is talking to you right now.'
(Joe) 'He was right behind you -- you must have missed him.'
(Scott) This is definitely the Lost bunker.
(Joe) "No, we cannot kill Tom Lennox."
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe has a bizarre conscience.
(Scott) And he thinks his life is more valuable to an assasin than it really is.
(Joe) The 'you'll have to kill me too' line works better... holy crap, that worked.
(Joe) Yeah, I was talking about Muslims, not the President.
(Joe) "A guilty conscience is a smal price to pay for the survival of this country."
(Scott) This guy is far too trusting for a conspirator.
(Scott) Why is your suit all greasy?
(Scott) Lennox is a standup guy for a facist.
(Scott) Although, really, how did they not see this coming.
(Joe) Why are you coming out of the steam pipe trunk distribution venue with two guys and straightening your clothes?