"The noise from the plant should cover our descent." Also, Chloe's about to send us a noise-cancelling algorithm for the speakers.
"I can't lower the pressure any faster or I'll risk a shutdown." And, believe me, you don't want a shutdown. That would foil your plot.
"I've given the pilot an approach vector."
"CTU, the team's away!"
Ah, two terrorists down. And Jack doesn't have time to collect their scalps for his collection.
"Silencers off." Put on your Loudeners.
"Can you shut down the pumps?" Blah blah blah. How about you ask him if you can render it inert by upping the PSI. Or would that trigger a startup?
"You have sixty seconds before it gets out."
Okay, for an industry where PSI seems to be very important, the beaten sheet metal pipe with the worn-off crudely-rendered red arrow seems to be holding up pretty well.
Boom. The terrorist gets flailed back into the police car. Back and to the left. Back. And to the left.

9:52

-2 minutes from being in CTU, Jack's in a helicoptor above the natural gas plant. They've just given up on the whole continuity thing altogether.
-Ok, this isn't making sense at all. Their releasing nerve gas into the natural gas line? Aside from the dilution, and the fact that it will be burned, how many people will even be exposed to this.
-Finally, Jack is doing non-arguing stuff.
-Non-arguing stuff = killing.
-Silencers off. No reason. I just like the noise. It's the only thing that penatrates the pain of my very existence.
-The CTU team is clearly out of practice from not killing anyone all season.
-Cannisters are released.
-Who's in charge here? That's me. Shoot him!
-If we can ignite the natural gas before it escapes the plant, the syntox will be incinerated. Otherwise the natural gas will . . . be incinerated as it is used in the normal way in which natural gas is used. Wait a minute . . .
-Are timebombs really standard equipment?
-Jack gets out in time. And he goes back in.
-The terrorist is slammed against the car by an explosion. Jack is unfazed.

"Drop the gun, now... Move away from it. Now get on your knees." Tell me I'm as good as my brother. Tell me I'm pretty!
"Oh, Aaron. Sorry. Let's go."
"MS. RAINES, GIVE ME A NAME!" (Shouldn't your parents have done that? Okay, uh, 'Barry'.)
"Get me the President!" 'I relish talking to the President! It's not frustrating at all' (I'm glad he had the episode off.)
"Sorry sir, but you have to go." ("Thanks, Marshall. What did the five fingers say to the face?")
"You have three seconds to tell me where the target is." 'And one of those seconds is me pulling back the hammer on this gun.'
A steam trunk distribution venue. Natural gas.
The taser guy.
"You're finished, get out!" 'Oh, well, okay.'
"I knew you would come."
Obligatory post-torture kiss.
"It's Bill, Chloe's got some information."
"Chloe, can you monitor the pressure levels?" (Of course. I routed them to your phone.)
"Did you see his hand brush across my shoulder as he walked by?" (I swear to God...)

Okay, it's dark and what we can only assume is a well-trained tactical team has rocket-propelled munitions and several submachine guns is trying to kill two guys. Do they A) Flank around, using their stealth and the cover of darkness to surround and eliminate the targets or B) Fire a ridiculous weapon from a 100 yards away (and miss) only to begin firing their MP5s wildly, letting Wayne Palmer and Aaron to stroll away?

9:38

-Honest guy and Wayne have a funny misunderstanding. But seriously, watch out for cougars.
-Audrey being tortured. For something we don't do, we sure have a lot of equipment for it.
-That CTU agent had no taser. Hence the unconsciousness.
-The terrorist gives in.
-Jack leaves the terrorist in a room with an unconsious guard. He can't think of everything.
-Audrey, I know that I choked you, accused you of treason, and then there's all that stuff with your family, but I hope you can forgive me. I really don't want to take care of that fence.
-The Satelite covers only 60% of the distribution centers. Pull in more satelites, of course. On the other hand, that map looked like it covered all of southern california.
-Everyone laughed when I suggested the PSI percentage map. PSI isn't measured in percentage, they said. Who's laughing now!
-That (Sherry) was odd . . .
-The terrorists trying to kill Wayne are the worst.

Gatorade Rain? If that's just carbonated water, so help me...
"He was cleared through Checkpoint Six..."
"I'm going to go out there."
"The first rule of engagement is you have a contingency plan."
If I can prove that Collete is witholding information, we can rip out her eyeballs and show them to her.
"Excuse me."
"These matrix reads are partial only. That's not protocol."
"Believe what you want."
"She told you about my alleged sexual harrassment?"
"Then you'll see what protocol's all about."
"Chloe, we need to help Audrey."
"We found Collette's name on his computer." "No, we need more proof."

"Can you take us to the control room?"
Bang.

"Can you take us to the control room?"
"Uh, sure, mind your step. There's a dead body there."

"Sam, don't do it."
Bang.
[09:34]

Gatorade Rain? If that's just carbonated water, so help me...
"He was cleared through Checkpoint Six..."
"I'm going to go out there."
"The first rule of engagement is you have a contingency plan."
If I can prove that Collete is witholding information, we can rip out her eyeballs and show them to her.
"Excuse me."
"These matrix reads are partial only. That's not protocol."
"Believe what you want."
"She told you about my alleged sexual harrassment?"
"Then you'll see what protocol's all about."
"Chloe, we need to help Audrey."
"We found Collette's name on his computer." "No, we need more proof."

"Can you take us to the control room?"
Bang.

"Can you take us to the control room?"
"Uh, sure, mind your step. There's a dead body there."

"Sam, don't do it."
Bang.
[09:34]

I can't tell you how little I like these Taco Bell commercials. It's like the Olive Garden actors crossed over to fast food.

"I work in Section Five downstairs." "I'm here to replace Edgar." Where can I find some flannel shirts and Mountain Dew?
"Are you familar with the Gavelin Matrix Analyzer?" "Yes, I am."
"Is he involved?"
"He would never do anything outside the law and neither would I."
"DoD briefings." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. Aw crap, I'm going to lose my fingernails, aren't I?"
"WHY DID YOU BREAK IT OFF?!!!!!!"
"WAS HE A GENTLE LOVER?!!!!!"
"Because he wasn't you."
"Dammit, Audrey."
"She broke him and not the other way around."
Karen is sooo going to get it.
"Upload the information onto the subnet."
"I'm provisionally qualified, bish."
"First mistake, I yank the provisional and you're out of here."
"It was a sexual harrassment thing."
"I don't care about your orders, that's not going to happen."
How is Jack Bauer getting punk'd so much? Now he's getting tasered by some no-pain-no-gain Gitmo torture weasel?

9:26

-Wayne Palmer not dead yet. Terrorists admit to sloppy work. At least they're accountable, I guess.
-The young secret service agent doesn't look trustworthy.
-Jack can attack generic CTU guards without consequence. CTU has been desensitived to his violence.
-Chloe will wind up hurting this guy.
-Or maybe Chloe will explain to him what protocol is all about.
-CTU's computer policies are as stable as eastern european governments. One hour there's a facist lock down, the next Jack can just sit down at any old terminal and do what whatever he wants.
-The terrorists are on the move.
-Don't get too excited in-charge guy. They don't really let you live if you cooperate. Ask the machine shop guy.
-What kind of music was that?

"Chloe, I need you to do something for me. Check out everything Audrey has done for the last eighteen months." Leave out any instant messages sent to you.
"Prep Ms. Raines for interrogation..."
"Yes, he sanctioned it."
"This situation warrants a more aggressive approach."
"That's ridiculous."
"Your emotional involvement with Ms. Raines is not exactly a secret."
"Is that what happened with Nina Myers?"
"Well maybe Audrey is fooling people too."
Audrey Raines is James Heller's daughter? Really? I know all about her covert relationship with a former DoD attaché, but she's Heller's daughter? Wow.
"Break it up." Go to your corners.... -- "You gotta cut me, I can't see anything out there." -- "It's just dark."
Ah, police escort.
You're not going to like it.
"There was something else."
"They didn't just stay in the same hotel."
"He recognized them both. I can show you phone bills, ..." (P.S. It's 9PM in, from Chloe's description, a dive that can uplink records to CTU.)
[09:08]

9:14

-Sherry Rothenberg to replace Edgar. That's a one-to-one match. You're going to have to lose the friendly and social personality if you want to be a programmer here missy.
-I know I killed your husband and tortured your brother, but your father's still walking, right?
-Why did you break it off? Because he wasn't you. --In a different tone of voice, that could be from a rather romantic scene.
-Bill is certain. Jack is certain. But Karen is not. Send in Burke.
-Good work Sherry. Stare morbidly until Chloe explains further. You'll fit right in.
-New subplot added with Sherry and what's his name.
-The generic CTU guards are getting a little better at dealing with Jack. He needs to figure out a way to not get tasered. It's like Jack Bauer kryptonite.

Cool. Jack Bauer, the movie. Coming April 21st.

24 -- Episode fifteen (?)

The following takes place between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM . . .

-Audrey Raines under suspicion.
-And Audrey is in custody.
-Has anyone on this show not been taken into CTU custody? Maybe they should put an employee lounge in the interrogation room.
-I'm thinking Audrey is not really involved. On the other hand, maybe she was responsible for the whole misunderstanding with her CEO husband. That could explain a few things.
-Careful Karen, Jack will choke you too if you're not careful.
-Random curfew violence. No, organized terrorist violence.
-Nerve gas doesn't really need to be secured in a moving van.
-Chloe found a connection between Walt and Audrey. Oh, she was having an affair with Walt. Although, I guess it's not really an affair if Jack killed your husband before it happened.
-Should have stuck with the Frasier lady, Jack. Offed her son, and taken care of the fence.

By the way, contrary to everything you see on the local news and everywhere else, today is not the first day of spring. That's just a rumor spread by calendar makers.

8:54

-I'm Jack Bauer. I kill and hurt people. Nice to meet you.
-We're running out of time!
-Immunity signed by the president. They're hitting all of the old standbys now.
-The plans are digitally encrypted.
-They should just make copies of these immunity deals
-"I programmed the memory card to self destruct." Of course you did. You just switched the jumpers, right?
-Wayne Palmer bein chased . . . and no one on 24 dies from being run off a cliff.
-Run Wayne, run! These assassins aren't great at what they do.
-Does she have a special assasin lawyer?
-Good news Audrey! You get to see your ex-husband.

I had feelings for ... What is that a shark cage?
"It is my firm policy." I'm a transporter. Rule number one...
What's with this signed letter nonsense every few episodes?
Oh, he programmed the card to self-destruct.
You've got to be kidding me. So, the military... Wayne Palmer.. compound... I can't even begin to question this thing...
Damn, Audrey Raines.


Ah, the old 'toxic ant poison' trick... Gotta get rid of all these damned ants. Oh, by the way, expect a wintry mix.
Okay, that cat fell for about five seconds.

8:40

-Aha. See what I was saying. Nationalizing. In the tradition of Kennedy, Johnson, and Bush.
-Wayne Palmer is granted access.
-Ever been involved with a woman while undercover? Perhaps while high at the same time?
-I guess the working assumption in CTU is that Chloe is going behind their back to help Jack.
-Cue the bring in Jack Bauer story line.
-Is there really a single list with all of this information?
-Reprecussions.
-Never trust the Germans.
-Heh, damn german elecronics.
-Add another whole country to Jack's enemies list.

I'm still surpised that this show's version of the U.S. government has a DHS.
Ah, there we go. The governor.
At first.
I hope Wayne Palmer has some nerve gas in his car.
I was addicted to smack and got my wife killed and my daughter chased by a cougar.
If you force me to run a back trace... so help me God.
Web traffic. Right.
The President has to make the call. He's not hard to convince.
Wow, red Lexus.
"There will be reprocussions." We might have to bring arrest you, Jack. They might be trying to break a record.
The music is an odd choice.
Is it like a theme night in the 24 writer's bullpen? The old exploding memory card trick. I'm glad they didn't try to explain it. I predict they'll try.

How do we sell to the latently violent viewers of 24? Talking god-damned turtles.

Let me have a moment with him alone. ("Listen buddy, do you know where these numbers on my arm came from?")
It's a sad day when Mission: Impossible is a source for plot ideas. Let's hope they avoid Ving Rhames asking for a 386 RISC chip with artificial intelligence.
So help me, if there's a 'log message' on the screen...
Here's a thumb drive I got from Wal-Mart.
CA39A
Euros, you say? Hmm.
[08:36 PM]

8:28

-Assassin girlfriend drives mustang if you pay the show enough money.
-Also hides a gun in interesting places.
-Do you really need to know what Jack is going to do, Curtis? Have you not been paying attention?
-Jack is going to poison this guy, isn't he?
-Back door to NSA's mainframe. Something to do with passing shell commands through a URL.

8:32

-The old coffee trick.
-Where did she just put that card to be scanned? In the desk drawer?
-German agent will try to double cross Jack.
-Flash memory. The file is encrypted.
-Charlie Alpha 3 9 Alpha. We never would have been able to unencode that one.

Ah, the mole shot. New Edgar is totally in some sort of cahoot.
"She went to the roof. Cover the stairs."
Ah, yes, the 'about to die' angle.
The freakin' Germans. Pop quiz, hotshot: What's The Spielberg Rule?
"There's probably an umlaut in there somewhere, Chloe."

A: Always kill the German.

8:17

-The CTU leadership transition is never smooth and often completely arbitrary. One year it's a bureaucrat from division, the next it's a half-drunk former employee, this year it's someone from homeland security. All things considered, this is the best yet.
-Boyfriend of the assassin will not live long.
-Curtis has that "this is my last episode" expression.
-Assassin's boyfriend attacks Curtis . . .
- . . . and he's German intelligence agent? Really?
-CTU searching is so fast. We need to get whatever they use.
-Look, I killed a diplomat from a relevant country last season. Think what I'd do to you.
-Diplomatic immunity! Diplomatic immunity! You can't touch me!

Three words: Michael. Ian. Black.

Curtis is prepping a tactical team... (And will die.)
Mrs. Logan, the President is on the air right now.
Thant's insane. Hal's only motivation is what's best for the country. A mole? Walt? Never.
What about Posse Comitatus, bish?
Miles, familiarize yourself with the networks (despite the fact that you 'loaded the new protocols' in the limosuine over here.) Start your survey. ("Having lost all of your colleagues, are you more or less likely to purchase a home appliance...")
We're here with a priority admin directive. You know. Priority admin.
What's with the Sin City/noir homage?
Debate the legality?
"Our people are working on it right now." (You know, that's not far off...)
"We're functional, maybe not 100%..." (Maybe like, um, 60%)
200,000 people? I find that unlikely. Very, very unlikely.

24 -- Episode fourteen (?):

The following takes place between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM . . .

-So all of the supporting cast from the original season is dead . . . except Kim.
-Henderson got out of the building before the lockdown? How is this possible?
-Jack is going with Curtis to somewhere or another.
-More president/first lady scenes.
-Martial law in LA? Sure no problem. Nothing bad can come of that.
-Remember David Palmer. Sure you do. He was killed this morning. Right before we signed the treaty.
-Curfew will be enforced with brute force.
-New CTU boss arrives. Cue standard change over script.
-So, umm . . . this guy died, right. He won't be needing this desk will he. Nice chair . . .
-Homeland security guy takes Chloe's key card to reprogram it. Is this really the best way to do this sort of thing? Shouldn't this be handled through a central server instead of one card at a time?
-Hey, Wayne Palmer. I remember that plot point.
-I can't even imagine what it would take to enforce martial law in LA.
-Cue assassin girlfriend script.
-Why is it that these people are wanting to release the nerve gas? I'm not sure I'm getting this.

I'll say this for Prison Break. The last 3 minutes is nowhere near as offensive as Stars on Ice, even if I do have the sound on mute.

In sum, 'Prison Break' is way harder to spoof than 24.

New PrisonBreak info. Way better than the old version where they sing in period costume.
A ho-micide is like a parking ticket.
Put your wrist up?
"Hey Keith, come check this out! Keith?"
---
Oh yeah, we have a Sharkey's too. Not that great.
The sheetrock hasn't been touched. Sonofa -
Cool camera move.
Holy crap, they busted that plan up pretty well. God-damned entrepreneurial maintenance staff.
---
Surprised they ran the Peter Stormare ad. Wait, no, I'm not.

Curtis is definitely getting shot next week.

[07:51]
Emergency peace-keeping force? That's HORRIBLE?
What about the FBI? SWAT? The National Guard? Well, there's no war in Iraq in this show, so I'd imagine the California National Guard may actually *be* in California.
President Logan: "This has been a helluva season for me, you know. I haven't slept all morning..." Pansy.
Ah yes, the model/assassin/terrorist. We could really write a season of this show indistinguishable from the real thing.
Audrey's husband needs to get out of bed.
Homeland Security? There is one of those on this show? I thought the chain of commands goes like this: Jack Bauer with a gun -> President -> Jack with a hammer -> Mike -> Jack with a scalpel -> Bill/Tony/Felicity Huffman/Lynn -> Jack without a gun -> Chloe -> Edgar -> Lynn post-getting-everyone-killed -> Dead Edgar.
That's what you get for not killing the enemy. Have you never seen Saving Private Ryan? Kill the German, don't set him free. If there's one lesson that Steven Spielberg wants us to know it's this: Kill the German.

[07:39]
Kim: "Sorry about your friend that died. So I've got a question..."
Kim: "Chase? Do you know where he is? Did he talk about me?"
Chloe: "You know, not that great."
Holy crap.
Lynn: "Turn that freakin' phone off."
Lynn: "Oh crap, they cancelled my access card."
Took a little too long closing that door, Lynn. Christ. He can't even close the door fast.
What, you couldn't hold your breath just a little longer? Pansy.
Don't care too much for your family, then, eh? Wrap your head in the plastic from the trash can if you have to. Sheesh.
Kim: "People die. I know that's not your fault." Mostly. Often. Well, many times it hasn't been your fault.
Audrey: "You alright?" Jack: "No."

7:51
-The president is dispatching an emergency peacekeeping force to lay down some violent fascist oppression.
-More 'touching' scenes with the president and first lady.
-And another assassin girlfriend. The boyfriend will be dead soon.
-New CTU leader en route.
-All tactical protocols will have to go through new CTU leader's lackey. Something or another has been reformatted.
-I have a bad feeling that Kim will be coming back.
-Tony reaches a dark place. He should consult with Kim's boyfriend.
-Wow . . . that was unexpected. Henderson kills off Tony. So, I was wrong about the heroic death thing, but I'm feeling pretty good about my prediction of Tony dying.
-And more crying from Jack.

Jack in full Bellichick regalia.
I've decided that 24 is the Batman TV show of our generation. Need duct tape? It's in the toolbox. Need a universal sand-sorting machine? There's one at CTU.
They have a seal corrosion interface? That's fantastic.
I'm holding my breath. Yep, I'm dead.
[07:31]
"I don't see a security grate. Somebody didn't file it properly." (Kim looks around nervously.)
Jack: "Patch me through to him." (Beep bop boop bop beep.)
(Jack snickers to himself.) "Yeah, Lynn. Uh, I'm going to need you to open the seal and run around an breathe heavily. Thanks buddy."
I'm surprised Jack can't just shoot the monitor, thus causing the CPU to explode in a huge fireball. You know, like real-life.

7:39
-Kim comes over to have a moment with Chloe. Nevermind, she's busy with a life/death situation.
-Chloe really needs to redefine "best friend."
-Yeah, yeah. This security guard thing would be a far more touching moment if there hadn't been five years of seemingly random violence along with completely non-random violence.
-More holding of the breath.
-He's going to get the first down!
-I'm not sure I get how this nerve gas works.
-More Henderson-torture.
-Kim is ditching Jack. Probably better for everyone.

[07:17]

Jack: "Excuse me." (Everyone looks nervously at Jack to look for a scalpel and a bottle of bleach.)
Ah yes, Jack's back to choking people. He's still dressed like Bill Belichick, but still choke-happy. You can take the rumbling sociopath out of the man...
Mike Novick: "You have influence that supercedes any Constitutional rank -- now's the time to use it."
Bill: "Seals are leaking, we're all going to die." Where does Jack stand? Right by the door.
Chloe: "About twenty seconds, based on the cubic footage." Wow.
Chloe: "The seals are now 80% gone."
CRT are the quasars in the 24-universe -- Jack could push the building off its foundations over to the hospital if that makes things easier.

7:28
-Jack's escaping from Alcatraz.
-Duct tape will seal the shaft. Why don't they do that instead of sending Jack into the contaminated room?
-Deep breath, and . . . I wish I had brought a plastic bag filled with air.
-Excellent progress indicator for the toxin level. Why can't we get one of those?
-Who's in holding room 4? The hobbit gets to be a hero.
-The hobbit will definitely die a noble death. I'm predicting he'll do it for the anonymous security guard.
-The hobbit is going to get in for one play.

Sorry, this is going to be a little out of order...

To recap last week's show -- cough cough thud.
[7:00] -- "Attention all CTU personnel: If you are not in the safe zone, you are probably dead. There is no parking in the white zone."
"I need the CRT (chemical response teams) here now. This is a high priority, Curtis." You know, since 40% of your slow-moving or weak-willed co-workers are dead.
Chloe: I can't. Jack: Yes you can. Chloe: I can't. Jack: Yes you can. Chloe: I can't. Jack: Somebody find me a car battery.
Dr. Van Dyke: "I can help her." (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) "First rub your hands in baby oil."
Rudy: "Yeah, I guess they're going to give the promotion to Johnson from upstate. The terrorists used my keycard to kill all your friends."
Generic Security Guy: "How could you not report it... So we're all going to die because you're embarrassed?"
"Two zones have logged on in Medical"
Tony: "So the guy who offed my wife is standing in the other room... Hmm."
"My name is Tony Almeda. You killed my wife."
Jack: "I know how you feel." Tony: "How could you possibly know about losing your wife to a nut-job CTU agent? Oh nevermind."
Shoot him in the toe.
"Can we increase the dose?" "Not without killing him." "Okay, whatever."
President. Vice-President. President. Vice-President. President. Vice-President. Blah. I hope President Logan talks to his wife about her mental state.
VP Gardner: "If we set kill all the first-born sons of Los Angeles, the terrorists won't be able to stop at Chipotle for a delicious wrap."

7:17
-Ok, you've had two minutes of therapy Chloe. Time to get back at it.
-Look pysch-man. Trying to save the world here . . .
-Yes, it was only a matter of time before Jack tried to kill Barry. Care to talk through that?
-The nerve gas has been mixed with acid. Seriously. Also snakes. The nerve gas has been mixed with snakes.
-When Mike Novick is playing the good guy, there's just no positive outcome. By the way, anyone else suspect he wasn't really on the phone to anyone?
-I'm just not buying this whole corrosive gas thing. Even if it is possible, I'm just not buying it.
-Jack's going to save the world by holding his breath. Why is he not just shooting something?
-Seals are 80% gone. Speaking of which, a baby seal walks in the bar. The bartender says, "what can I get you"? The seal replies "anything but a Canadian Club."

24 -- Episode thirteen (? -- not really sure about that):

The following takes place between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM . . .

-Let's see, previously on 24 . . . conspiracy . . . Kim . . . Edgar dies. By the way all programmers are exactly like Edgar. Some are more breathing.
-That's an awfully specific warning announcement.
-CTU's chemical response plan=bad.
-Chloe has forgotten that she never cared much for Edgar.
-Tall Buscemi to the rescue.
-I want to you to sit in this chair and collect your breath. You're a chicken. Now, cluck.
-The hobbit is being scolded by the generic CTU guard.
-And Tony will attempt to kill Henderson shortly.
-And Tony brushes up on his killing skills by starting with the doctor. And now the CTU guard. Modern medicine is excellent.
-My name is Tony Almeda. You killed my wife. Prepare to die. Hello! My name is Tony Almeda. You killed my wife! Prepare to die! HELLO!! My name is Tony Almeda! You killed my wife! Prepare to die . . .
-Jack's showing everyone who's the real clincal psychologist.
-40% of CTU has been taken out.
-Sounds like Marshall law time.
-New person to lead CTU. Should be there by the end of the show.
-More drama with the president . . .
-Terrorist moving on to the main target.

"Tony's been asking for his wife." He's also been asking for a clean bedpan, but you're probably not interested in that.
"David Palmer was the primary target." Sorry, you and your wife's new greeting card company were just not that important.
"I need to talk to Jack. Now." Or later. Whatever.
"The navy helicopter is on its way." These were our only limos.
"He didn't warn the motorcade."
"He gave the terrorists the motorcade route." -- "Ma'am, why would he do that?"
Ah, Rudy McBonkers keycard is 'back in play'. Using a prop to cut cocaine is an excellent way to show that they're seedy, seedy people.
"It's my job to handle impossible situations." -- That's the first legitimate statement that's come from President Logan's mouth.
Hack into Henderson's work computer.
Offsite link.
Please say your password... "Big boy... Big boy!"
Henderson's good. He's part man, part machine. I predict we'll see a red-hued handheld shot from his point-of-view with generic computer graphics.
No Phantom of the Opera moment for Tony. A little singed skin and the faint odor of burnt human hair, but ready to help avenge his wife's murder.

6:52?

-How do these people work with that alarm going off.
-More facial recognition software.
-CTU guards are the worst.
-Jack just gave the non-verbal equivalent of flank 2. Apparently that protocol has not changed.
-You cannot get the drop on Jack Bauer.
-Oh no. He has a PDA.
-Code 6, Code 6. Wait, is that the new protocol or the old protocol?
-Holy crap, they're killing off Edgar.
-"Outside-in? What does that mean?" Kim's boyfriend is not smart.
-Everyone is sealed off in the situation room. There's a good chance of this turning hitchcockian.
-Lots of folks dying.
-They've brought Henderson into the medical ward. Same place as Tony, by the way.
-And the actor who plays Edgar is looking for work.

6:43

-The terrorist arms the cannister. Did he bring that in with him? I don't remember him carrying anything that large. Are these things just scattered everywhere?
-Kim and Chloe catch up in the only way Chloe knows how.
-Bill Buchanan has nothing better to do in a crisis than to tell the hobbit his sister has died.
-McGill finally admits to losing his keycard. Shouldn't someone have canceled his access by now?
-CTU is being locked down. What does that actually mean? I bet people are still able to move around from room-to-room.

Oooh, this looks like the trailer they ran an ad for. Someone, somewhere must care about this.

Is that Merlyn from American Gothic?

I don't get any of this. Whatever it is, it doesn't look great. Lot's of odd facial hair. Etc, etc . . .

6:32

-The first lady is not big on the whole anti-smoking crusade.
-Mike's deviousness is rather impressive.
-The first lady's having a moment of clarity.
-The terrorist is shutting down the CTU air ventilation system. Let's see how they do without air conditioning.
-Carrie is going off to the ventilation room to meet her sure death.
-These president/first lady scenes pretty much played out after episode 4ish.
-Carrie does indeed meet sure death.

They're running promotions for the upcoming trailer of a movie. Seriously. They make ads for this stuff.

6:17

-Kim's boyfriend is Barry Landis (tall Buscemi).
-Yeah, yeah. Touching moment. Hasn't Jack already cried once this seaon.
-Barry, you should really consider not mouthing off to Jack. Ask Audrey about what happens to relatives of minor characters who cross Jack.
-It's not going to turn out well for Barry is it?

6:22
-Terrorist with the reprogrammed key card is on the move.
-Is he seriously going to the server room? Oh, ok. It's the ventilation shafts.
-Tony is sitting up in pain. He should be ready for action in another hour or so.
-Tony looks like he's been shot in the face by the vice president.
-Tony: "Don't you let [Henderson] cut a deal." He's definitely going to kill Henderson.
-Kim's boyfriend is a psychologist. I wonder if he helped her through all of the cougar-themed nightmare.
-Henderson is strapped to the "we do not torture" chair. I think he's getting a tetanus shot or something.

24 -- Episode eleven:

The following takes place between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM . . .

-The terrorist needs to reprogram the keycard. He happens have an input device for it in his car.
-The President is still itchy.
-Mike Novick know of Henderson. Pretty good chance he's a bad man.
-Tony Almeida is asking for Bill.
-Kim has arrived. This can't make things better.
-Who else can they bring back?
-Henderson: Chase left Kim after Jack faked his death.
-Kim's boyfriend is a tall Steve Buscemi.
-Kim, your father is alive. He's a little less kill happy, but we're pretty sure it's him.
-The vice president is being introduced. There's a pretty good chance that the president is on the way out.
-VP is proposing a pre-emptive declaration of martial law in LA. I'm pretty sure that's not possible.
-Henderson tries to talk his way out of impending torture.
-The terrorist wth the fake keycard (Tim Robbins) enters CTU. Apparently once you get past the front desk. Everything else is accessible.

5:52

-Prediction: The nerve gas cannister will go off and injure Curtis.
-Jack's spending way too much time on the computer.
-Henderson's using an interlaced encryption key. Not even Chloe can crack that.
-And Henderson is coming up the walkway, I think. He must live where ever Jack is.
-And, Jack get's revenge for the whole taser thing.
-What's in the brief case Christopher?
-Have you been lying to me Christopher? I've been protecting you Miriam.
-Wow, Jack is a complete badass. Sorry Miriam.
-Jack: Miriam Henderson has been shot in the leg. An excellent use of passive voice. You know he has a degree in English lit, right?
-Curtis saves the day. Everyone remains remarkably calm considering men with gas masks and guns are running arount.
-And the hobbit's sister and her junkie boyfriend have been offed. I had completely forgotten about them.
-The guy is excited to have the hobbit's security card. He obviously is not aware how easy it is to get into CTU. Remember the ACLU lawyer from last season?

5:41

-Vladimir someone another is the new villain.
-Most promising lead is Christopher Henderson. I think he's the guy who locked Jack in the vault.
-Jack's in a room with some woman. She's protesting Henderson's innocence.
-Miriam.
-Chris never hated you Jack. He looked in on Kim. That sounds like something that will be referenced later.
-A shadow drive on the hard drive. Excellent.
-Oh, Miriam. Jack will seriously hurt you.
-Curtis is on the move.
-And Edgar is running the facial recognition software against the hospital survelliance system?
-Boris someone or another pulls out a cannister stored undera guerney? I must have missed that.
-He sets the detonator for 10 minutes. Why so long? Does he want CTU to disarm it? Incidentally, it's about 10 minutes before this episode is up.

Oh crud. I completely forgot about the two-hour special this week. I suppose this is what I get for not watching anything else.

So I'm going to assume I've missed more hand-wringing from the president and maybe kim's come back.