(Scott) The American Express promotion is really just a terrible incentive.
(Scott) Watch more of the season that sucked than you really need to.
(Scott) I've said it before, I'll say it again. You do not need a truck that can do anything you see in a truck commercial.
(Joe) Commercial: Generic tough Toyota Tundra commercial.
(Scott) No, you're not an exception. Just go ahead an get a civic.
(Joe) Commercial: iPod/iTunes
(Joe) Commercial: Apocalypto on DVD
(Scott) Black people being nice to white people. White people being nice to black people. That's Liberty Mutual folks
(Scott) 4:19
(Joe) Commercial: People doing the sh*t they're supposed to do in civil society.
(Scott) The component has an R72 socket on the underside.
(Scott) Plug your PDA into that.
(Scott) You do have an adapter, right?
(Joe) Your PDA has a R-72 socket. You can easily interface with the secret Russian technology.
(Scott) Internal deployment grid . . .
(Joe) 'I need to view your internal deployment grid.'
(Joe) 94 ACN
(Scott) The security code is ACN. This may be why it's so easy to hack into CTU.
(Scott) Why are they holding Marilyn Bauer anyway?
(Scott) And completely lying to her too.
(Joe) 'It doesn't work. Do I have to be using Internet Explorer for this? Oh, it's asking me to accept some certificate.'
(Scott) Seriously, no grounds whatsoever for holding her. They let a noted terrorist walk a couple of seasons ago.
(Joe) Ask Chloe, Nazi.
(Joe) Anyone Confident in Nadia?
(Scott) Josh is standing awkwardly in Chloe's internface.
(Scott) Phillip Bauer is coming by sea.
(Joe) "Morris, the next time I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."
(Joe) One lantern, or two.
(Scott) Generic CTU agent is a terrible job to have.
(Joe) www.cturookie.com
(Scott) Two, definitely two.
(Joe) "Agent Turner, put the weapon down."
(Scott) He got a name, so I guess he gets to live.
(Scott) Bill Buchanan drives a large truck. If he needs to haul 65 tons, they're set.
(Joe) Agent Turner will likely get a larger-than-normal Christmas/Winter Solstice/Yule bonus.

(Joe) Commerical: Fairy tale plot.
(Scott) Damn bug bites.
(Scott) It's only April.
(Scott) Henderson lawn must be overrun.
(Joe) Window puppet shows *are* illegal in NY. Ed Koch said they made him feel 'ill at ease'.
(Scott) There are too many commercials based around parachute jumps
(Scott) We already know the joke.
(Joe) The hippies were protesting the war on Henderson Lawn a couple of weeks ago. That's fourteen days of incubation time.
(Scott) They could just save money by showing black on white text saying "Picture a guy leaving an airplane unexpectedly, having something to do with our product"
(Scott) 12:38
(Joe) 12:38/1:38/2:38/3:38
(Scott) 7:38 Hawaii
(Scott) Why does the CTU directors office have barcodes for windows?
(Joe) 8:38 AM London time. What's happening with the nuclear weapon in America. Oh well, I guess we'll find out at 2PM in the afternoon. Right on time for a crumpet and tea.
(Scott) Karen is selling out her husband.
(Scott) I have to distance myself from you.
(Scott) Separate beds.
(Scott) Buchanan is objecting to this, primarily due to the fact he's a mole.
(Joe) This is probably why they have rules against Senate-confirmable positions being married to a direct report.
(Joe) Double-length keys?
(Scott) He used a double length key to slow us down.
(Scott) He used a double length key to slow us down.
(Scott) That's like a regular sized key, but larger.
(Scott) About twice as large.
(Joe) How many freakin' people are on the phone right now in the sticks of L.A.?
(Scott) Does LA really have a National Forest?
(Joe) 'Come with me.' Last time I was in a room with a guy with a briefcase, he drilled into my wristbones.
(Scott) They made the woman they suspected of terrorism acting director?
(Scott) Also, if you're fired, do you really get to choose your replacement?
(Scott) Extra-redundancies.
(Scott) So, if there is an extra redundancy on something, that means you have to do it four times.
(Scott) Or is that three?
(Joe) A Muslim woman as acting director of CTU? That's an awesome. You gotta think the President is going to have some issues.. that is, if he doesn't want to 'show her the Lincoln Bedroom'.
(Scott) Wasn't there some other director of CTU who was escorted off of site?
(Scott) And he helped from home or something?
(Scott) Was that Buchanan?
(Joe) Should someone tell her that she was picked because he was the only one left in a suit?

(Scott) 1:00 AM Mountain
(Joe) Commercial: Tiny men talking about how they smell.
(Joe) Commercial: The Sixth Sense 2: Electric Boogaloo
(Scott) I missed that preview. The guy is invisible?
(Joe) Commercial: Ben Stiller covered in shaving cream, playing with a monkey.
(Joe) Yeah, invisible. Like Ghost Dad, actually.
(Scott) I was wrong before. Ben Stiller may be worse than Nicholas Cage.
(Joe) A movie I was 2nd AD on.
(Joe) (Shh.)
(Scott) Ghost dad would have made more sense than this season of 24.
(Scott) 12:28
(Joe) 12:28/3:28
(Scott) Jack is driving through the exact spot where they filmed the prequel to this season.
(Joe) Nice purse, Jack. Does your husband fight terrorism, too?
(Scott) I guarantee that as a fact.
(Scott) The house is full of mice.
(Joe) What? He can't even do the gun-follows-the-flashlight thing?
(Scott) Thank god I left my elephant at home.
(Joe) Gimmicky, I know, but, you know, a good idea.
(Joe) I agree. Good catch.
(Scott) Anything in the area? Nothing really, but there is this one house next to a field.
(Scott) Wow, that was bad blocking.
(Joe) These White House offices are spacious as hell.
(Scott) They had Lennox kissing Karen.
(Scott) A pardon?
(Scott) He can go on being your husband . . . he may develop other relationships over the next 12 to 18 months.
(Scott) Oh yeah, Jack. This is a show about Jack.
(Joe) You can't take the day off or take a nap with glass walls.
(Joe) Bill, take care of Audrey. If you know what I mean.
(Scott) He's at a hotel?
(Joe) 12:34/3:34