Ok, and we're off . . .

-Here comes the supreme court. Thomas, Souter, Alito, and Roberts, I think.
-And here's the cabinet. This is like a basketball game introduction. Just need some strobe lights.
-Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, et al.
-Some one needs to straighten Alito's tie.
-Lots of Senators. Hey there's John Warner. Coburn (R-OK) is more than a little ugly.
-Laura Bush is sitting next to either an Iraqi or Afgani woman.
-And here comes the president.
-Lots of hand shaking.
-Secret service is yelling for people to keep moving. Shady group in Congress.
-Bill Frist looking lost.
-Brian Williams says Cindy Sheehan was supposed to be here, but was arrested. Couldn't they do the same for Santorum?
-Angels of happiness Dick Cheney and Dennis Hastert flank the president.
-Oh no, Hastert has a hammer. Take him down! Take him . . . oh. Nevermind.
-Hastert presents the president.
-Shot of John Kerry boring the hell out of the person seated next to him.
-The president pronounces rostrum without snickering. Stumbles on history. His college degree is in history.
-State of the Union is still strong. That's so 2002.
-Free trade . . . no isolationism, etc. Nothing new here.
-We seek the end of tyranny, because we're wild-eyed idealists.
-First Sept 11, 2001 reference . . .
-Terrur.
-Act boldly in freedom's cause . . .
-Camera to McCain. He's either skeptical or constipated.
-Purple ink reference.
-Oh crap, Syria, Burma, Zimbabwe, and North Korea are next.
-Bin Laden gets a lot of free press from these things. Is there a such thing as bad publicity?
-The violent have miscalculated. Often I do too, but it's more from numericalism.
-Battlefield to our shores.
-Do I hear a cut and run coming?
-That was almost a "No retreat, no surrender" reference.
-That's right Europe, we saved your ungrateful ass.
-Proud to be the ally of freedom-loving Iraqis.
-Still refers to Coalition and not us and the Brits.
-Oh, good. We're winning.
-Stand up. Clap. Sit. No, not yet. Ok, now.
-Of course military commanders make troop level decisions.
-I accept criticism. As long as it's not from cowards.
-Cut to Kerry (seriously).
-Support our military. Pause for applause.
-This is the point where everyone joins in for the standing ovations. In a couple of minutes, the Democrats will have plenty of time to be seated.
-Democracies require the rule of law and accountability. Interesting. (Although I'm not sure he didn't say accountancy)
-Hey, he did mention the Palestinian elections. And Hamas. Points to the president.
-Liberty is the light and hope of all humanity. Everyone claps, Cheney appears to be faking it.
-Nucular. It's pronounced Nucular.
-Speaking directly to the Iranians. Big fans of must see TV are the iranians.
-We must show compassion. But it must be compassion that can turn violent at a moment's notice.
-Mention law enforcement. Pause for applause. Shot of Gonzales.
-Reauthorize the patriot act. And, about half the room is applauding. The audio must be out for the other half.
-Aha, the eavesdropping part. Yes everything is fine. By the way, aren't you supposed to be picking up little-Susie from choir practice? See, this is working great for all of us.
-Mention defending against terrorism. Pause for applause. Smirk.
-The only alternative to American leadership would be the French.
-No, I said the economy is growing. Got a problem with that.
-New competitors like China and India.
-We must not allow the Chinese to capture Jack Bauer.
-Some people say we should raise taxes and give the money to NAMBLA. I reject that form of economic retreat.
-Don't fear for our future. Everything is fine . . .
-Tax cuts are great. Congress must be responsible and make these cuts permanent. Otherwise many wealthy families will be slightly less wealthy.
-Tax cuts. Tax cuts. Tax cuts.
-Elimating 140 programs. 112 of which are centered in Boston.
-Tax cuts. Tax cuts.
-Hey, earmark reform! Bush throws a bone to John McCain! Excellent.
-No wait. That's the line item veto he's talking about. That's a bone toward dicatorship. Sorry John.
-Make joke about my dad and Bill Clinton. Pause for laughter.
-Hillary not amused.
-Social Security is bad thanks to you bums. Hillary applauds.
-Bush mentions the superiority of the American worked. Everyone applauds but the supreme court. I just find it odd, that's all.
-Secure borders. Guest workers.
-Shot of Nick Charles? Really?
-Affordable health care. Maybe tax cuts would help?
-Oooh, maybe lawsuit reform?
-Bush briefly sounds like a liberal. No one seems to know what to do.
-Hey, lawsuit reform. A little late, but ok.
-Cut to Frist.
-America is addicted to oil. We must create methadone clinics in Alaska.
-Here come the promises . . .
-Clean energy
-Hydrogen
-Ethanol, of course. Does any one really believe this one?
-Wood chips and grass? Really?
-Oh, no more blood for oil. That sounds nice.
-American competetiveness intiative. You see, it involves eavesdropping . . .
-We should be better at the numbering maths.
-Research and development credits (tax cut).
-More science classes. We'll talk later about the biology curriculum.
-Treat each other well. Isn't that Crosby Stills and Nash?
-Welfare has fallen dramatically since we stopped funding it.
-Quiet transformation. Revolution of confidence.
-Abstinence. Should have seen that coming in the preview.
-Unethical conduct by officials, quickly move to activist judges, and on to the hurricanes.
-No wait the hurricane topic is bad, move on to the pessimists.
-Two new members of the bench. John Kerry attempts to delay the speech here.
-Turns out neither justice will legislate from the bench. They will also not drive from their bed.
-Goodbye Sandra Day.
-Did he just say we should ban human/animal hybrids? Is that a real thing? A manephant would be scary, so I'm with him on that.
-Laura Bush helping children. Hold for lame joke.
-What? No lame joke about his wife? What's the world coming to?
-Many members of congress are just weird looking. Maybe this is the animal/human hybrid thing.
-Talking faster now. Must be coming to the end.
-Faith-based groups leading the way in the fight against aids.
-Cut to Kerry.
-Now he's just throwing out random things.
-History is taking an arc to an unknown shore. What the . . .
-Courage.
-Finish well. What do you mean. Is something ending? Now I'm a little worried.
-God Bless America, and protect them from the animal/human hybrids.

And that's the show.

Bush is exiting. The commentators are saying ridiculous things. Shakes hands with the court and the cabinet. Bill Frist stands uneasily behind him. Looks like he wants someone to talk to. Poor Frist. Bush gets a hug from Landrieu and a head slap from Obama. Autograph to unknown republican congresswoman. More autographs. Is that a Senator? Have some dignity, man!

Bush still moving to the door. Secret service is discreetly imploring him to move along. Frist is still skulking nearby. Won't someone talk to Frist? Just a quick "How ya doing?".
Stuck at the door. More autographs. Nothing to see here folks. Keep it moving. A little pointing. Really the secret service should do something.

And Hastert is declaring the show over. Last call! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here . . .