Live Blogging TV

2009-01-19T21:57:00.005-05:00

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. --Some Spanish guy in response to the usage of the word "firewall" on this season's 24.

So, since last we live blogged 24, I gave away my TV. While having no television has several upsides, it makes the whole live blogging concept substantially more difficult. For example, did you know that 24 started a new season a week ago?

Thanks to the wonders of Hulu, I've made it through the first three episodes from last week. Currently in my 24 time frame, Jack has just done a bad-ass crash through a parking garage barrier to escape the FBI. Unfortunately, the previous episodes before the last one were so bad that I nearly quit on it. However, concrete barrier busting (not exactly biting a man to death, but still) + continuation of my Buchanan as a mole theory + a comically ridiculous technology angle = a couple of more episodes of patience.

Random observations that would have been live blogged were I still living like the non-Unabomber portion of the country . . .

(I don't need to mention Die Hard 2, right?)

* Seriously, Janine Garofalo? Laura Kitlinger wasn't available?

* Trying to justify the various instances of torture (not to mention killing Ryan Chappelle because a terrorist said so) is tedious at best.

* How did Jack get a cell phone?

* Should I worry about the cell phone when the premise of the terrorist threat is that we're going to die of thirst if homeland security's firewall is breached?

* Seriously, do you think that the organization that came up with the idea of categorizing the myriad of threats to this country as one of five colors can really coordinate the entire country's water supply to begin with?

* Bill Buchanan = Steve Jobs, but not as healthy looking.

* New Chloe: I pinged the line and it automatically reset

* Near death has not been kind to Tony Almeida. Jack acquired a heroin addiction when he went undercover, Tony a cheese fry addiction . . .

Incidentally, I've started to watch season 1 of 24 on Hulu, and I can confirm that 24 used to be excellent. Now it's more like a circus freak show. At best, you can hope for the bat boy biting a terrorist to death. At worst, you're expected to sympathize with the plight of the bearded lady explaining how her acts of torture were for the good of the nation. And don't get me started on the long discussions between the crocodile man and the first lady.

2009-01-19T20:08:00.002-05:00

Random FBI Driver (who Jack will likely knock out soon): Still, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

Jack: Did you not see the episode where I shot an innocent woman in the leg (below the knee, though) to make her husband talk?

2009-01-19T20:00:00.001-05:00

Seriously . . . they timed it so both planes would cross at exactly the same time? Sigh . . .

2009-01-12T13:45:00.003-05:00

Well, yes, I missed yesterday's premiere. After the diaspora caused by last season, we didn't think anyone would still be watching other than us. 24:Redemption was good enough, though, so if they changed the formula for the regular season, I'll get back in the game... After watching last night, I'm not sure. Agent Walker is clearly in a relationship with her boss, the new Chloë is JANEANE GARAFALO. And the smarmy Morris/Edgar/DrugDealerFromSixFeetUnder is too smarmy. And why? If I wanted to watch a workplace drama, I'd watch E.R. or The Office, which is at least intentionally funny.

Even after all that, Jack is back, baby.

2007-11-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

Lycos is Dry

Dammit, Nina! (24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot)

Edit: Readers have alerted us to the fact this might not be the original 'Nina' in this role. We will continue to investigate.

2007-11-05T21:04:00.001-05:00

Scofield just chicken-footed the Australian Fisherman.

2007-11-05T09:09:00.000-05:00

What do we want?! Equitable remunerative monetary compensation for residuals in new distribution channels! When do we want it? Now!! (Join the Guild)

2007-09-25T20:17:00.000-05:00

Dennis Haysbert is full-on Pedro Cerrano in the season premiere of The Unit.

2007-09-25T10:32:00.000-05:00

Tony Almeida returns for season seven? What the hell?

2007-09-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

Keifer Sutherland is going undercover to get the real motivations for a character beset by inner demons. Sure, Tom Hanks ate lots of baloney sandwiches to play the prison guard in 'The Green Mile' and lost sixty pounds for 'Castaway', but this, my friends, is dedication.

I'd like to see Tom Hanks mug an old lady for crack money -- then, at least, I knew he was committed to his craft.

2007-09-24T19:58:00.000-05:00

So that's the show. This week was nowhere near as good as last week. Lots of ridiculous things mixed with some tedium. On the other hand, Bellick got pants. So, on the whole, I think we're in the positive.

2007-09-24T19:49:00.000-05:00

-Maholm is still swinging wildly . . .
-That explosion brought water? Really? Iron pipes? Alcohol? I most definitely don't buy this.
-But Michael won a new friend. Prison folk are good people once you get past the outer crust.
-How many quarters does it take to call Chicago from Panama?
-Sucre's not coming back for Mary Cruz. I suspect he gets killed this season.
-Susan confronts Lincoln over something or another. She has a gallon of bleach, a tarp, and a hacksaw though. I think she's coming on to him.
-A bird book? What's the deal with birds on this show?
-Che-light is about to be offed. That's what happens when the condition needing change gets changed before the revolution really gets going.
-Whistler has awfully good hygeine for someone who lives in a sewer. Some days, I should be so well groomed.

2007-09-24T19:33:00.000-05:00

-Sewer fight! Sewer fight!
-I'll testify for you? How is that helpful here?
-Three large guys were awfully easily intimidated by an iron pipe.
-Michael goes to see the man, with special assistant T-bag (who also knows more Spanish than anyone else in this prison).
-Moonshine . . .
-Do they really have assigned cells here?
-Hey, Spanish speakers in Panama. How odd.
-Nothing suspicious about looking down when the cops walk by. Maybe I'll start whistling now. Anyone have a yo yo?
-Whistler on the move.
-How is it possible there's so much water here? They have no water!
-Somehow Michael has clean bed sheets . . .
-Lincoln: Do you speak English? Whistlers wife: Of course, I'm Panamanian!
-Lots of plastic grocery bags. They must be big on recycling here.
-Getting bored with everything Whistler-related at this point.
-Michael is feeling pipes? Not sure why . . .
-Some nonsense with the lead prisoner and a prison guard. Wasn't really paying attention.
-So I get that Michael is going to start a fire in the pipes, but I'm not sure what he was feeling for.
-Anyhow. Malholm comes out of the sewer swinging at random people who probably have no idea what he's doing. On to the break . . .

2007-09-24T19:23:00.000-05:00

Incidentally, I watched about 10 minutes of this New Orleans cop show FOX is promoting the hell out of . . . Sucked.

-Lincoln is on the street, and holy crap . . . just happens to run into Sucre. Seriously, even Charles Dickens would be embarrassed by this.
-Aha, Banco de Versailles. Why Versailles though. Isn't that France?
-T-Bag is the new water boy.
-In prison, the crazy guy on the street corner counts as Che.
-Maholm still tearing down the wall. Whistlers face is still partially concealed. I suspect it will be anticlimatic.
-Belleck sees a shot at pants (no pantalones here), and sells out Whistler.
-Making a move on Whistler
-Woo! Belleck has pants and a shirt! This show is imminently more watchable now.
-Sewer fight to follow after the break. It will be well lit.

2007-09-24T19:10:00.000-05:00

And we're back with more Whistler dialog . . .

-This wall talking is getting tiresome fairly quick.
-Lincoln is talking with someone or another who is working with the people who are holding Sarah and LJ.
-A week to get Whistler out . . . etc., etc.
-Oh, hey. What's his name. Sucre/
-Incidentally, Sucre spoke more Spanish in a Chicago prison than all of the Panama prisoners combined.
-Dennis Hopper acolyte . . .
-Seriously, pants. Just give the man pants . . .
-Damn near half naked? You may want to take another look. You're way on the wrong side of that fence.
-Maholm is making a friend who he will try to kill in a couple more episodes.
-Oh yeah . . . Mary Cruz . . .
-Ah, Mary Cruz is still alive. Shoot him any way. Maybe they'll cover him with a sheet or something.
-Malholm in the sewer, looking for Whistler.
-Why does the sewer have electricity?
-Versailles 1989 v. Madrid.
-How is it no one has ever broken out of the lawless, poorly staffed prison? Clearly no one is trying.
-And all of the light bulbs are working in the sewer? My house should be so well maintained.
-Maholm goes tear down the wall. Insert your own Roger Waters reference here.

2007-09-24T19:01:00.000-05:00

Let's see . . . where were we? Oh, yeah, Belleck still has no pants . . .

-Some guy is kissing up to Michael. Really amazing the English profiency here.
-It's tough times when you have water lines.
-Tensions are high . . . maybe a chicken foot?
-Watch the water! No . . . Oh that's no good. That's how California migrations start.
-Wasn't there water where Whistler was hiding?
-Oh, ok. A sewer. But still, a little plastic wrap and a bucket and they can purify that (learned that in third grade).
-Talking to Whistler is like talking to a wall.
-Not sure I really get this whole Whistler thing, but apparently the other inmates want him dead. Anyhow, on to the break . . .

2007-09-17T19:57:00.000-05:00

So, that's the show. This didn't suck as bad as much of last season. I still have some issues with most of the cast all winding up in the same lawless prison. Also, I hope, Belleck manages to steal himself some pants of a corpse or something.

2007-09-17T19:46:00.000-05:00

Back to the fights . . .

-Michael is kicking ass.
-A knife!
-And Maholm is a bad mother fucker . . .
-He's like Jack Bauer without the occasional season of sobriety.
-Another cliche of the place requiring a jacket.
-A guy walks into a fancy restaurant. The owner stops him and says he can't come in without a tie. The guy goes out to his car, and gets his jumper cables and ties them around his neck and walks back in. The owner stops him and looks at him for a bit and says "Ok, you can come in, but don't try to start anything."
-Lincoln meets some secret service something or another while I was writing that lame joke.
-The only Spanish speaking person in Panama is still outside the prison waiting for her brother.
-Dead people get dumped . . .
-She's searching for money on the corpses of the indigent?
-Ahh, the sewer guy is pretty smart . . .
-Geez . . . friggin LJ . . .
-I guess the sewer guy is named Whistler.

2007-09-17T19:33:00.001-05:00

You know, if they just got rid of all the chicken feet, prison violence would be all but eliminated. Then again, I guess ultimately, chicken feet don't kill people, people kill people.

-Lincoln at the morgue. And a cliche to follow.
-Is it her? Of course not . . . it never is. Moving on . . .
-Whoever the head guy is explains honor to Michael.
-Some guy is hiding in the ventilation . . .
-Superstar.
-Is that Lincoln? He apparently never learned to whistle. Nope, not Lincoln.
-Run an errand for me, and I'll give you more rat (I really hope that's rat).
-Oh, geez. L.J. Do we really need to see LJ?
-Fight to start soon . . .
-T-bag . . .
-Maholm dispensing fatherly wisdom to Michael. "Go to the kneecap"
-Don't throw away the plastic thingy, Belleck. That's currency here.
-I missed that. What did Belleck slip into Michael's pocket? And then the other guy's. I guess a note?
-Why do they all speak English here?
-Fight! Fight! Chicken foot! Fight!
-Oooh, the old fake-a-Ghandi trick! Kneecap!
-Only one man comes out alive. Go for the other kneecap, I guess . . .

2007-09-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

I feel like there should be a time I post here . . .

-All Along the Watch Tower . . .
-Michael is having a flashback about Sarah that he actually precedes by saying Sarah.
-"Where did you get shoes?"
-Belleck and guy with shorts and shoes gets toilet cleaning duty.
-T-bag wound up in prison. Not sure I remember how that happened.
-Seriously, it's like a Dickens novel.
-Elliot Pike for Michael Schofield.
-Presumably he's secret service.
-So he wants Michael to kill somebody, I guess?
-Stomp?
-Michael is getting the shake down. Bring out the chicken foot!
-We found a woman matching the description of your friend . . . at the morgue . . . I mean working there. Part time at the desk.
-Free chicken leg bone. Score!
-The guy hasn't eaten in a week. He could trade his left shoe for some of the chicken ligaments.
-This is a pretty poorly planned escape . . .
-Belleck developed an odd attachedment to that guy.
-And for some reason, everyone seems horrified that a prison guard would shoot an escapee, including the former murdering prison guard.
-Chicken foot! Fight! Fight!

2007-09-17T19:06:00.000-05:00

-So I missed the first part here. Apparently everyone is in a Puerto Rican prison, except Lincoln who is in a lawyer's office. And something about there being no guards.
-Ok . . . so Belleck wasn't issued clothes . . . At least his new friend has shorts. I wonder how you earn shorts.
-Maholm is in several bad places at once. But his hair looks pretty good.
-Yeah, you see. Kill someone's father, and you're never going to get anywhere with the son.
-Lincoln goes inside to visit Michael. That's an awful well maintained fence for such a hell hole. Very shiny.
-Michael: "I keep waiting for you to mention a certain someone." Lincoln: "Yeah, turns out Tom Brady was getting the plays the whole time."
-As peaceful as it is over by the fence, he should really just set up camp there.
-Orientation . . . I always hated orientations.
-Breeding ground for internation crime. Do criminals actually refer to their industry as criminal? I mean outside of the Penguin and the Joker.
-Michael's reputation precedes him.
-A chicken bone substitutes for a white glove here.
-Maholm (whose name I probably spell wrong) doing the junky dance . . . but he does much better than the next guy.
-That was orientation? What was it they were supposed to learn. Other than don't pee on the floor, that is.
-There was no way she was going to answer correctly. He could have just as well asked if that shirt makes him look fat.

2007-09-17T19:05:00.000-05:00

Live blogging Prison Break, or no? There's no way I'm doing this for the entire season.

2007-05-23T22:00:00.000-05:00

Lost Season Finale

We don't cover Lost regularly, but that that was the single greatest episode of any show in the history of modern television.

2007-05-21T20:57:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Is this snowboarder guy someone I should know?
(Scott) Harvey Keitel?
(Joe) If you followed the last Winter Olympics. He was the one that didn't suck ass and whose cousin did not shoot a cop.
(Joe) You're thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten.
(Joe) Day zero?
(Scott) I care about as much about Chloe and Morris as I do about the Winter Olympics.
(Scott) 5:40
(Scott) Epilogue to follow.
(Scott) Along with a twist ending, I'm sure.
(Joe) Jack and his wife splurge on a Blizzard(TM) on the way home from the outlet mall.
(Joe) The Joint Chiefs? They've been asleep. Did you need them? You've never been in the Situation Room.
(Joe) "Allright, Tom. Take care of that for me."
(Scott) Ok, so Bill Buchanan may not be a mole after all . . .
(Joe) You called it.
(Scott) I can only console myself on having been right about so many other things.
(Scott) For example . . .
(Scott) Perhaps a pregnancy . . .
(Scott) There it is . . .
(Scott) I'll be a great drunk father. I have tons of Altoids.
(Joe) By the way, you should use some of those Altoids.
(Scott) She's being held in a basement?
(Joe) Steam. Pipe. Trunk. Distribution. Venue.
(Joe) And the Chinese kidnap Karen!
(Scott) 24 writers should avoid intentional humor.
(Scott) Here's your mother who we lied to and held her without justification.
(Joe) He must have run away. We weren't going to trade him for a chip of dubious value.
(Scott) Still 15 minutes to go . . .
(Joe) No, I think you should have said "Jack fell into the ocean. Probably dead."
(Scott) We'll never find him . . . but I suspect Tank Glynn may contact us one day.
(Scott) Heller . . .
(Joe) Spidey Sense(TM) music.
(Scott) Bauer gets the drop on him . . .
(Joe) Still wet?
(Scott) Hopefully it's sweat.
(Scott) This will end like a Frankenstein movie, I bet.
(Joe) Kim is just fine. Well, okay, she's ruined. Uh, Tony? No. Michelle? Nope. Uh. Curtis is still alive. Okay, we don't talk anymore.
(Scott) The only thing I've ever done is what you and people like you asked me to. And then there were the other times where I substituted my own judgement.
(Joe) He's very contrite looking at a silenced pistol.
(Joe) "I want my life back, and I want it now."
(Joe) He hee hee.
(Joe) "LIKE YOUR WIFE DID"
(Scott) Had to play the wife card . . .
(Joe) Snap.
(Scott) That wasn't even remotely his fault.
(Joe) She's probably sleeping. Or detoxing.
(Joe) Ex-Chinese prisoners get to go home within a few hours?
(Joe) Behind you.
(Joe) Behind you.
(Joe) Behind you. (not a duplicate)
(Scott) Too easy. More likely she'll freak out at his sight.
(Joe) "I'm at a crossroads."
(Joe) Look for a Britney Spears-themed road trip movie.
(Scott) She's a robot!
(Joe) By the way, over the last 548 days, 547 have been in a Chinese torture camp. I might change my mind.
(Scott) Ok, so you were right.
(Scott) She's better off in her hospital bed.
(Scott) Nice house. I bet it's from defense contract kick backs.
(Joe) Silent countdown.
(Scott) And that's the whole thing . . . finally.
(Joe) And there it is.
(Scott) Ok, no wrap up from me. I'm on the verge of illness or food poisoning or something.
(Scott) Surely there will be no previews for next season . . .
(Joe) Like a warm blanket. Time for us to start mapping out character arcs for next season. And watch a monkey wiping its ass on a car tire for twenty-four hours next season.
(Joe) Should have washed the eggplant.

2007-05-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Heh, I hear there are previews for the sequel to Must Like Dogs.
(Scott) Must like Peruvian Guinea Pigs
(Joe) Must Love Dogs (MLD to us fans) doesn't need a sequel. It's like 'Sleepless'. ('I always cry at Sleepless.')
(Scott) Oscar de la Renta translates literally to mean Oscar of the Renta.
(Scott) Is that different from While You Were Sleeping?
(Scott) Or is just a different title?
(Scott) 5:26
(Joe) Whidbey Island. Took me the longest time to think of that.
(Joe) "You're behaving like a child."
(Joe) "You must never let them control you." 'You're just like your father. Your real father.'
(Scott) This oil rig looks suspiciously like every other basement/industrial scene on this show.
(Scott) four minutes 30 seconds until missile.
(Joe) Soundstage.
(Scott) This is why you don't get kids involved in your silly plots.
(Joe) Hit him harder and you won't have to use the gun. That you don't know how to use.
(Joe) In the face.
(Scott) Always engage the safety . . .
(Joe) 'Remember, I used to send you five dollars for your birthday. I had my people remember every year.'
(Scott) Any chance of Jack shooting him in the arm?
(Joe) Shoot him and get the frick out of there.
(Scott) What about you? Oh I'm planning on shooting the bastard.
(Joe) "You don't have time to carry me."
(Scott) Second gun?
(Joe) Attach a tow line to him.
(Joe) Or at least a flare.
(Scott) Leave Chang . . .
(Joe) You should be airborne now.
(Scott) Good thinking with the ladder.
(Joe) He can always heroically jump and dangle from the landing rails.
(Scott) Debris and fire? No, no problem.
(Scott) Heading back to CTU with Jack dangling the whole way . . .
(Joe) They have air-to-sea missiles. They should have had it in their loadouts.
(Joe) (Submarine.)
(Scott) Eh, sure I guess I trust you now. Sure what the hell. No strike.
(Joe) Why did he pick up the phone?
(Joe) He's on a video conference.
(Scott) Heh, good point.
(Joe) Nope, sorry, just video coverage. But he wasn't on the handset before.
(Joe) Uncle Jack fell?
(Scott) Jack is swimming back to China for revenge.
(Joe) At the same beach?
(Joe) Next stop, Idaho.
(Scott) Maybe this time he'll do this whole on the road thing right.
(Scott) Jack Bauer? No, my names Frank. Frank Flynn.
(Joe) Neither.

2007-05-21T20:22:00.001-05:00

(Scott) They had to give credit to pong for that commercial?
(Joe) Seriously, that 'alert' started with something like 'President Daniels today ordered...' and not 'POTUS/NSC INIT. CAS. ...'.
(Scott) That ranks about 45345435th in the list unrealistic things this season.
(Scott) 5:14
(Joe) 8:15AM on the East Coast
(Joe) Flanking position of our two-dimensional military base.
(Scott) So the Russian troops are actually in foreign territory now?
(Scott) Flanking two?
(Joe) They're on one side.
(Scott) No threat of retaliation from the US? Seriously . . .
(Scott) Threaten to give Japan those islands back.
(Joe) Unless we have a military base on the Russian border.
(Joe) Destroy the submarine.
(Joe) Duh.
(Scott) Definitely destroy the submarine.
(Joe) This guy is stupid. Don't let the Reds see how good/bad our satellite coverage is.
(Scott) We can just give the Russians a link to the satellite feed just like that?
(Joe) 10 miles is within the 12 nautical mile control of U.S. territory. We can just blow that submarine into pieces.
(Scott) 18 minutes? I can drive across LA during rush hour quicker than that.
(Scott) Since it's supporting an operation on US soil, I'm pretty sure they don't even need the justification.
(Joe) I think we can blow them up within 200 nautical miles before international treaties take over.
(Scott) Phillip needs a haircut.
(Scott) Just a reminder, Chang is a consulate.
(Scott) This scene will be in the video game.
(Scott) Was there a car on the platform?
(Scott) Chang is on the helicopto.
(Joe) Remember this?
(Joe) http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/07/03/china.plane/index.html
(Scott) So, Joe . . . you're going to be purchasing Knocked Up, right?
(Joe) President Bush was such a sissy.
(Scott) Is that the Navy survelliance plane?
(Joe) I liked the book...
(Joe) Consul. Is he?

2007-05-21T20:11:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Josh has a guitar displayed prominently in his living room. Melissa is better off.
(Scott) What the hell was that?
(Scott) Invoice price is a rip off.
(Joe) Vitamin Water used to be considered healthy and thirst-quenching. After that commercial, weird and a little girlie.
(Scott) The dealers don't really pay that.
(Scott) Progressive will not report you to social services.
(Joe) Auto dealers have questionable sales tactics? Bah!
(Joe) Click It or Ticket
(Scott) This woman is the most hated person in the office.
(Scott) Turn it down! Trying to keep my job here.
(Joe) The cover of the Season 6 set will be a piece of crap in a bag.
(Scott) 24 - season 6, episode (holy crap, I can't believe we're almost done with this nonsense!) 24
(Scott) The following takes place between 5:00 AM and 6:00 AM.
(Joe) Why did the subcircuit board beep before it blew up? Shouldn't it be a, you know, surprise. Also, he could have just shot him in the face.
(Joe) Much cheaper.
(Joe) Isn't that just one more thing to go wrong?
(Scott) P. Bauer just happens to have an exploding replica of the component (whatever a component is)?
(Scott) Shooting in the face would have been cheaper. And more believable.
(Joe) $0.35 bullet vs. military-grade plastic explosive in a custom crafted case.
(Scott) I want to go with Chang!
(Scott) He understands me.
(Joe) I call him Papa Change.
(Joe) I call him Papa Chang.
(Scott) The Chinese will never double cross us.
(Scott) Papa Change is a completely different guy.
(Joe) "Her vitals are strong." "They why did she collapse?"
(Scott) Chloe is pregnant, right?
(Joe) "You should be at your workstation."
(Joe) So, why is Chloe being separated from the rest of them, at this late hour?
(Scott) To be pregnant, of course.
(Scott) Or die . . .
(Scott) A thermal scan.
(Joe) Did they really just need to flesh out the dialogue for THE SEASON FINALE? It's the teleplay equivalent of an actor drinking coffee.
(Joe) Let's have a character need medical attention. How about TWO?
(Scott) The satellite was monitoring the platform the entire time. That would be precient if I could spell that correctly.
(Joe) How does the doctor know their relationship?
(Scott) Ex-husband . . . and drunk . . . and of course you were responsible for nuclear weapon detonating today.
(Joe) Cough -- filler -- cough.
(Joe) F-18s.
(Scott) F18 . . .
(Scott) Assault team is too dangerous . . .
(Joe) What is this, Bosnia? Do we need to have standoff strike capability?
(Scott) Seriously, they're right off of our shore.
(Joe) You're going to be allright, Mike.
(Scott) You'll be no worse off than Chase, Mike.
(Joe) (As they slide him into a black body bag...)
(Scott) If Jack were to start swimming now, he'd be there in 8 minutes, I think.
(Joe) The alert was formatted like an AP wire article.
(Scott) Those helicopter lessons have paid off in spades for Jack.
(Joe) How is the chopper revving up?
(Joe) Remote control?
(Scott) Soon to be unconscious pilot.
(Joe) Ah, his knapsack of pain.
(Joe) Ah, okay.
(Scott) Comandeering your helicoptor.
(Joe) That should be in the CTU employee orientation: If Jack Bauer wants something, let him have it or he will kill you.
(Joe) Modest Mouse - Dashboard

2007-05-21T19:56:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Oceans 11 again? Didn't the last one kill off the franchise?
(Scott) That carpet looks like hotel room carpet.
(Joe) Commercial: The second-most awesome movie ever. Ocean's 13.
(Joe) They have tasers. And exploding subcircuit boards.
(Scott) Ocean's 12 was a waste.
(Scott) This is the way agriculture will really look in 2060.
(Scott) Except the plants will try to eat you.
(Joe) The Julia Roberts thing was a stretch. And Damon's parents.
(Scott) High in protein though.
(Scott) 4:53
(Joe) You can totally bluff them.
(Scott) All of this for a component.
(Joe) They'll buy it this time.
(Scott) I'm not feeling great tonight. These conversations aren't helping. No, not at all.
(Joe) Their country home in Vermont... Sigh.
(Scott) Need a real time update on CTU's progress.
(Scott) None, none, none, none . . .
(Scott) Offshore platform . . .
(Scott) The final shootout will involve Phillip Bauer falling into the ocean.
(Joe) The trauma team says he'll be fine. He might have an eyepatch. Or two. If only the trauma team had been at the scene earlier. Or, say, a field agent with first aid training.
(Joe) I agree.
(Joe) I agree.
(Scott) Chang again . . .
(Scott) He's due for dying soon.
(Joe) No body will be found. Very Murdock/MacGyver.
(Joe) What, are they immortal now? Do they have Spidey Sense(TM)? What was up with that 2-shot?
(Scott) Chloe could use a drink and a handful of Altoids.
(Scott) Chloe could use a drink and a handful of Altoids.
(Joe) Chloe will collapse. Polonium poisoning.
(Scott) A collapse is imminent . . .
(Scott) And there it is.
(Scott) One more . . .
(Joe) Hey Melissa and Josh.

2007-05-21T19:36:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Commercial: The most awesome movie ever. Transformers, July 4th.
(Scott) The whole transformers concept doesn't seem sound.
(Joe) Commercial: Citibank platitudes.
(Scott) Why would aliens look like trucks?
(Scott) Or are they just robots? I guess someone had to make them to look like robots.
(Scott) Maybe it's a planet of the apes type thing.
(Scott) Ford is really scraping for compliments. Apparently somebody on a yahoo forum said their car was ok.
(Joe) They could take the shape of anything, but they found a car lot first and thought that they were the dominant life form. Apparently advanced civilizations don't pick up TV signals.
(Scott) What about the ones that turn into large insects?
(Joe) Collectible glasses!
(Joe) Same idea. Ditto for the dinosaurs.
(Scott) Oh, right. I forgot the dinosaurs.
(Scott) 4:41
(Joe) Weird that they take the form of things little kids think are cool.
(Scott) The vice-president is doing interrogations himself now . . .
(Joe) The information pipeline is working so quick, finally, at 7AM or whatever.
(Scott) If the transformers were in the 1950s, they would be yoyos and hula hoops.
(Joe) Give him some time. He'll apologize soon.
(Scott) Far less effective.
(Scott) Go down hard . . .
(Scott) Both you and your husband.
(Scott) Let me explain further.
(Scott) That would be far more interesting than this nonsense.
(Joe) If they put on a performance of 'Where's Charley', that would be fine, too.
(Scott) Seriously, sitting there bored out of your mind. Sometimes you just want a cigarette.
(Scott) Aha, by sea!
(Joe) "Tracker shows them moving toward the water."
(Scott) In relation to that huge-ass map of the entire state of California, Josh appears to be moving West.
(Scott) I'm taking cover . . . behind Josh apparently.
(Scott) Kidnapper number 1 is out of breath.
(Joe) The subcircuit board. In the water.
(Scott) Yeah, back up. A little further . . . a little further.
(Scott) Sucker . . .
(Joe) Why is this subcircuit board ticking? And why are you field-modifying your cellphone?
(Scott) Shoot the boat!
(Scott) If they find a small dingy to pursue them in, that would be awesome.
(Scott) Scan him, heh
(Scott) Short it out? They really have things to short out a transponder in someone's arm?
(Joe) Good thing they didn't think about the radioactive isotope.
(Joe) Oh, damn.
(Scott) If Jack were smart, he'd demand a pardon now.
(Joe) I'm sure we've made a carpal tunnel joke about the Attorney General.
(Scott) Not so pretty now, are you rich kid?

2007-05-21T19:27:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Hey, I just noticed the Jesus thing.
(Scott) The secretary one is my favorite.
(Joe) Mine too.
(Scott) Computers are why Jesus doesn't get directly involved like that.
(Scott) Did you notice Jesus is missing his right hand in that one.
(Scott) Must have been an accident with on the construction site.
(Scott) 4:31
(Scott) Who is this guy?
(Scott) A frind of Chloe's? An unnecessary plot point?
(Scott) Probably all of those.
(Joe) He's Sylar from Heroes.
(Joe) But creepier.
(Scott) How does he just walk by security? Maybe through the sewer?
(Scott) Milo's brother? Oh good lord. Last two hours people.
(Joe) 'How did you get in' 'Yeah, the front door is wide open. I was waiting in the server room with those Russians and Phillip Bauer's henchman.'
(Scott) Within five minutes, agents are at Karen's door. Also, they wait politely for her to finish her call with her collaborator.
(Joe) "I know your name. My brother talked about you."
(Scott) Your brother died because the writers couldn't come up with anything better to do that episode. Sorry Stuart, just a bad season.
(Joe) "Jack escaped. How?"
(Joe) Seriously?
(Joe) Apparently, you can just walk around freely in CTU.
(Scott) See, waiting with nothing better to do is what makes people take up smoking.
(Scott) Same situation as Josh, I've wanted a cigarette.
(Joe) "Dammit."
(Joe) And a blindfold.
(Joe) "Is my uncle coming?"

2007-05-21T19:16:00.002-05:00

(Scott) The American Express promotion is really just a terrible incentive.
(Scott) Watch more of the season that sucked than you really need to.
(Scott) I've said it before, I'll say it again. You do not need a truck that can do anything you see in a truck commercial.
(Joe) Commercial: Generic tough Toyota Tundra commercial.
(Scott) No, you're not an exception. Just go ahead an get a civic.
(Joe) Commercial: iPod/iTunes
(Joe) Commercial: Apocalypto on DVD
(Scott) Black people being nice to white people. White people being nice to black people. That's Liberty Mutual folks
(Scott) 4:19
(Joe) Commercial: People doing the sh*t they're supposed to do in civil society.
(Scott) The component has an R72 socket on the underside.
(Scott) Plug your PDA into that.
(Scott) You do have an adapter, right?
(Joe) Your PDA has a R-72 socket. You can easily interface with the secret Russian technology.
(Scott) Internal deployment grid . . .
(Joe) 'I need to view your internal deployment grid.'
(Joe) 94 ACN
(Scott) The security code is ACN. This may be why it's so easy to hack into CTU.
(Scott) Why are they holding Marilyn Bauer anyway?
(Scott) And completely lying to her too.
(Joe) 'It doesn't work. Do I have to be using Internet Explorer for this? Oh, it's asking me to accept some certificate.'
(Scott) Seriously, no grounds whatsoever for holding her. They let a noted terrorist walk a couple of seasons ago.
(Joe) Ask Chloe, Nazi.
(Joe) Anyone Confident in Nadia?
(Scott) Josh is standing awkwardly in Chloe's internface.
(Scott) Phillip Bauer is coming by sea.
(Joe) "Morris, the next time I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."
(Joe) One lantern, or two.
(Scott) Generic CTU agent is a terrible job to have.
(Joe) www.cturookie.com
(Scott) Two, definitely two.
(Joe) "Agent Turner, put the weapon down."
(Scott) He got a name, so I guess he gets to live.
(Scott) Bill Buchanan drives a large truck. If he needs to haul 65 tons, they're set.
(Joe) Agent Turner will likely get a larger-than-normal Christmas/Winter Solstice/Yule bonus.

2007-05-21T19:16:00.001-05:00

(Scott) I was putting a together a list of phrases that you can only find here, on liveblogging TV, but I left them at work. So, nothing special for the finale . . . alas.
(Joe) Well, if we're going to do that, then I wrote an alternate tale in the style of Beowulf about this season.
(Joe) A blue file folder! Gasp!
(Scott) I had to yell at barking dogs, so I missed most of the "previously on" part. The only thing you need to know is that it sucked.
(Joe) They should have threatened the U.S. into getting the briefcase from Pulp Fiction. Would have made more sense.
(Scott) It would be a list of selected phrases, of course.
(Scott) 24 season 6, episode 23.
(Scott) The following takes place between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM
(Joe) 'If Marcellus Wallace is allowed to get his soul back, there will be serious consequences.'
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder looks like Josh's father.
(Joe) I can't tell which is which. At least give one of them a scar.
(Joe) Josh doesn't believe this for a second.
(Scott) Heh, when we get what we need, we'll recover you. That's more along the lines of terminology used to refer to bodies.
(Joe) 'Hey kid, no chopping that arm off.'
(Scott) He inoculated him against the black oil.
(Scott) Chloe has hit the wall.
(Scott) FB sub-circuit board, seriously.
(Joe) Whenever Jack is arrested, they should assume that Chloe will get a phone call within the next few minutes.
(Scott) The Americans apologizing to avoid war? Not likely . . .
(Joe) It's also interesting that someone under 'temporary custody' is allowed to talk to the National Security Advisor.
(Scott) CTU custody is less than a halfway house.
(Scott) More like a Dukakis furlough.
(Joe) He could just open the door on the other side of the black SUV.
(Scott) He could just drive the SUV
(Scott) It even has flashy lights.
(Scott) Maybe it's more like juvenile custody. He's just going to go see a social worker.
(Joe) 'CTU has put me under temporary custody. My hands are tied.' 'I can't just, you know, rip out someone's throat.'
(Scott) All lame discussions of ideas should end with the expression "It's so crazy, it just might work!"
(Joe) 'If your idea involves two watermelons, a carton of animal lard and a college dormitory, count me in. Otherwise...'
(Scott) Why is Bill Buchanan getting searched? I must have missed something.
(Joe) C'mon Bill, kick his ass. Use your yoga skills to downward dog his neck until it snaps.
(Joe) He blue-foldered a terrorist.
(Joe) "What are you asking me to do, Karen?" "Whatever it takes to stop the exchange..."
(Joe) 'Wait here, I've got to look in the portable toilets...'
(Scott) An example of a phrase appearing only on this site: "bleeding profusely is just part of growing up"
(Scott) The signal is scrambled but I can hear both ends. So yes, the answer to your question is yes. Sorry I drug this on for so long to answer a simple question.
(Joe) Moles! Aha!
(Scott) Josh's tracker signal . . .
(Joe) It's the suits from Headquarters or whatever.
(Scott) CTU has the worst security. Worse than in previous seasons . . .
(Scott) Oooh, spooky . . .
(Scott) Joshua
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder trying to background act while other dialog is going on.
(Scott) You'll like China. Far fewer restrictions on how you process food.
(Joe) 'Josh -- you need to cooperate.' "Grandpa, I'll rip your face off next time I see you. Who's got YOUR nose, bitch?'

2007-05-17T16:57:00.000-05:00

Jesus: With You Always

This was, uh, handed to us by a kid. On an airplane. He's certainly going to hell. We, however, have nothing but respect for this artist and his inspiring work. The kid, though. Rotten.
http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/index.htm

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/secretary.jpg
"No, CTRL+F8. At the same time. Press the CTRL key. No, keep it held down . . . keep . . . ok, now press . . . here, let me do this."

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/expectant.jpg
"I'm so embarrassed, I honestly thought you were pregnant. No, you don't look fat."

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/construction.jpg
"He's going to start screaming after he drills in another eighth-of-an-inch. I'd better hold him down."

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/carpetlayer.jpg
"I know I'm just a carpenter, but, you know, that tack strip needs to be secured every at least twelve inches to the subfloor. Just my two denari, buddy."

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/teller.jpg
"Fifty-three, seven, fourteen, eight, eleventy-nine... <snicker>"

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/fisherman.jpg
"Behold, my child, you will soon lift a multitude of fish. Wha... is that 20-lb. line? Are you freakin' serious? You can't even come prepared for a Dad-damned miracle bounty! Okay, jackhole, I'll bless you with 19 pounds of guppies you good for nothing moth... <mumble>"

http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/ImagesJun06/executive.jpg
"I can't even get into what you do. What do you do? F**cking H Christ ... when is break time?"

2007-05-14T20:57:00.000-05:00

(Scott) What does it mean if something has more cola taste than something else?
(Scott) This question from someone who finds all of that crap to be nothing but brown acidic syrup in carbonated water.
(Scott) Oh, with enough sugar to give you a chronic disease.
(Scott) The Ford Edge: Inspired by a new point of view.
(Joe) We're about to go to war over a UN resolution. We're about to go to war over oil slant-drilling. We're about to go to war over Commies. We're about to go to war over Commies. We're about to go to war over a government attack approved by FDR. We're about to go to war over some Archduke. We're about to go to war over a bunch of crazy Southerners not getting their way. We're about to go to war over trading. We're about to go to war over taxes and inevitablility. We're about to go to war over scalping. We're about to go to war over people wanting land.
(Scott) Incidentally, if Daimler would have just asked me whether they should have bought Chrysler, I would have told them no for 5 million.
(Scott) 3:54
(Joe) FYI: The troops were already at their highest alert level.
(Scott) Phillip Bauer on the line . . .
(Scott) He's in league with the Chinese. But can you say that in Portuguese?
(Scott) 3PTL3. That's the shortest serial number I've heard.
(Joe) The Russians eschewed the use of Cyrillic to be more secretive.
(Scott) He wants free passage to a country of his choice.
(Joe) Just like the Russian submarine last season.
(Scott) It's hard to encode cyrillic.
(Joe) "He's a sociopath." "Tom." "He is a sociopath, there's no doubt about that."
(Scott) Or maybe the UTF8 support is why the Chinese want this component so badly.
(Scott) That would make more sense than any other motivation they've given.
(Joe) Aren't there two of those circuit boards?
(Scott) It must have a CJK plug-in.
(Joe) Or just one?
(Scott) I don't think there are two.
(Scott) What will you do when you find Grandfather . . .
(Joe) There is no way they would let Jack in on it. Must be a tri.
(Scott) I don't want you to think about how I will yank your Grandfather's arteries out.
(Scott) Not with out my nephew!
(Joe) Josh! Uncle Jack!
(Joe) Two-hour season finale.
(Scott) Just one more week . . .
(Scott) Finally.
(Scott) This particular episode is not as bad as many of the others.
(Scott) Minus the White House "intrigue"
(Joe) Again, they want us to dial a word... And send a text message... that's a number. Pure 24.

2007-05-14T20:47:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Dane Cook needs to be killed in this movie.
(Scott) Kevin Costner, William Hurt, and Demi Moore?
(Joe) AND DANE COOK
(Joe) Dane Friggin' Cook.
(Scott) Boring, irritated, and inane.
(Scott) And Dane Cook.
(Scott) Whoever that is.
(Scott) Wasn't he a character in Miller's Crossing?
(Joe) Hey, a professional version of two paper towels and a broom.
(Scott) Heh. That's tougher than you'd think.
(Joe) "I was born to make movies."
(Scott) 3:39
(Joe) 03:39L48
(Joe) 03:39:48
(Joe) Unnamed subsystem.
(Joe) Christ.
(Scott) Ben Cram from Division?
(Scott) Ben Cram, Auditor?
(Joe) Just one of consequence.
(Scott) This was a breech in security protocols.
(Scott) Leaving the sewer unlocked?
(Scott) The staff roster, yeah, that's the thing with Milo's brain matter on it.
(Joe) Are you sure he's not a mole? I'm not.
(Scott) Positive he's not a mole. That's still Buchanan.
(Joe) They aren't from Division.
(Joe) They're Chinese in Dockers clothing.
(Scott) Morris is suddenly very forgiving of others mistakes.
(Scott) He looks as Chinese as the other people, I guess.
(Joe) "I've had experience with that." I used to sell women's shoes.
(Joe) Also, Milo wanted to be paid more than scale. Greedy bugger.
(Scott) Sir, Tom Lennox is on the line with a traceable call which will surely bring down your administration.
(Joe) Good catch.
(Scott) Lisa couldn't breathe for 10 seconds, 5 minutes in 24 time.
(Joe) That's like being strangled for an entire trans-Pacific trip.
(Scott) If he cries, so help me . . .
(Joe) Jack and Josh with a little father-son time.
(Joe) Jack and Little Ricky with some more father-son time.
(Scott) They'll all ride a train and dance in the closing credits.
(Joe) Take him *back* to China?
(Joe) Josh is Chinese!
(Scott) They're quite good with the infiltration.
(Joe) Freeze frame as they're laughing as the credits roll.
(Joe) "Let's do this."
(Scott) 24 amendment monitors are brought to you by Cisco.
(Joe) Cisco Telepresence
(Scott) Again, I state that this whole Russian/American thread is completely unbelievable.
(Joe) "You mean the same documentation you planted with one of my agents?"
(Scott) 50 years of mutually assured destruction and then a war over nuclear technology?
(Scott) Load of crap, I say.
(Joe) Condoleeza Rice came up with it. Also, the President is awful at this game.
(Joe) You have, uh, two hours.
(Scott) This threat of World War III was brought to you by Cisco.
(Joe) We're about to go to war over a piece of circuitry.

2007-05-14T20:34:00.001-05:00

(Joe) No, wait, Rolph in the Sound of Music.
(Scott) Am I finding things more creepy in the past? Or are things more creepy than they were?
(Joe) 03:25:19
(Scott) 3:25
(Joe) Super, the White House. More baritone talking contests.
(Scott) Russians are moving two mechanized divisions since the last time we spoke 30 minutes ago.
(Scott) Tactical team on the move would make this dialog more acceptable.
(Joe) "Sir, Tom Lennox is supposed to be on the call with me. I couldn't find him." 'Which one of us is he planning to kill *now*?'
(Joe) So, it's almos six-thirty in the morning.
(Joe) So, it's almost six-thirty in the morning.
(Joe) (East Coast time)
(Scott) Oh, I can't believe this is on TV
(Scott) No one cares about Fred Thompson Jr.
(Joe) Who's wearing more eye-makeup? The President or Karen?
(Scott) Tom Lennox in an awkward moment.
(Scott) Why is he in pain?
(Joe) Tom and his special-ops van-mate are going to end up at the nearest bar.
(Scott) The wire must have been uncomforable.
(Scott) Gotta go do abolutions.
(Scott) Wash my hand 15 times.
(Joe) Okay, I don't have a PDA, but I guarantee they don't work like what he's doing.
(Scott) That really is the least covert survellience equipment ever.
(Scott) Wait, a minute, am I on camera? Alan Funt?
(Joe) "I'm just going to pour myself a glass of wine." (at 6:30AM
(Joe) I don't think it's just because you're tired.
(Scott) Why static? Gas station cameras are crystal clear.
(Joe) "Why can't you look me in the eye?"
(Joe) Break down the door, god-damned suits...
(Scott) They're just White House staff. What can they do? Give a tour?
(Joe) The Russians don't recruit as well as they used to.
(Scott) Ok, so maybe secret service or something.
(Joe) Commercial guy is one of the agents there.
(Scott) Which commercial?
(Joe) No, VH-1 Best Week Ever guy is one of the agents.
(Scott) Never seen it.
(Scott) Maybe he wants a pardon?
(Scott) In writing from the Attorney General?
(Joe) Get the Attorney General on the phone.
(Scott) Chang is feeling the shadow of death upon him.
(Joe) I'm not afraid of you, Chang. Despite the fact that I want to live in your country, where I can only imagine you operate with total abandon.

2007-05-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

(Scott) He goes down there for solitude.
(Joe) Movie: Kim Bauer hanging onto the bottom of a vehicle and dying like Edgar. I'm definitely going to see that movie.
(Scott) 3:13
(Joe) "Does anyone there know Ahmed al-Duodi?" Hilarious.
(Scott) Chang will die this episode.
(Joe) "Hello Josh."
(Scott) Remember where you heard it.
(Joe) He just said, 'close that laptop'.
(Scott) What is this Grandfather you speak of?
(Joe) "I'm taking you away from this ungrateful country." (The one I ostensibly helped bomb because I love it so much.)
(Scott) This is the way dialog should go in 24, with a tactical team moving in to the area.
(Scott) Ungreatful.
(Joe) Pretty crappy phone from a country that will surpass the U.S. in ten years.
(Scott) Or ungrateful if I could spell
(Scott) Jack Bauer is randomly shooting in to vehicles.
(Scott) Fortunately he didn't service in a mall parking lot.
(Scott) Surface, I mean.
(Joe) Classic 24 death-by-shooting. Like a muppet whose puppeteer's hand gets yanked down below the Pigs in Space set.
(Joe) Your voice-to-text software sucks tonight.
(Scott) Chang=dying
(Joe) Chang=the new Nina
(Scott) Including the whole love triangle? Maybe . . .
(Joe) "Chang, it's over! Put the weapon down!"
(Joe) Don't trust him! He knows the martial arts!
(Joe) I can't believe my brother raised my son to be such a sissy.
(Scott) Should have disarmed Chang first . . . or shot him.
(Joe) Moral of the story: Always shoot the Chinese guy first.
(Scott) Or the Russian guy on the Submarine.
(Joe) Or the Nazi in Saving Private Ryan
(Scott) Oh yeah, that Nazi was pretty hard to kill.
(Joe) Or Liesl in the Sound of Music
(Joe) 03:20

2007-05-14T19:55:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Who knows about me and the Russians?
(Joe) Okay, re-runs of House *are* actually better than Drive.
(Scott) 24, season 6 - episode 22
(Scott) The following takes place between 3:00 AM and 4:00 AM
(Joe) http://www.stevekmccoy.com/reformissionary/2006/03/jack_bauer_fact.html
(Joe) Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jack Bauer.
(Joe) Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
(Scott) Josh appears to have an anger problem.
(Scott) Lots of slapping.
(Scott) A somewhat darker three stooges, really.
(Joe) Chinese Jack Bauer has a way with people.
(Scott) But you don't look Chinese.
(Joe) They seem to be extricating Josh into the sewers.
(Scott) Josh is smart enough to not walk through sewage.
(Joe) I think that's the Cobra logo on top of the static in the monitors.
(Scott) I'm moving ou into two groups. You, you're shirts. The rest of you, skins!
(Joe) "... it's a long shot"
(Joe) "When I make my move, take out the first guy on the left."
(Scott) Morris with the headlock
(Joe) Morris is having trouble. Milo doesn't seem to care.
(Scott) Nadia is kicking a good deal more ass than Morris.
(Joe) Milo still has that blank look on his face.
(Scott) Little Ricky to the rescue.
(Joe) "But you're still under arrest."
(Scott) Doyle's in command.
(Joe) Just like in Denver.
(Scott) You will probably have to shoot him.
(Joe) In the Farsi version: "You did great, even with your garish Western makeup and whorish morality."
(Scott) Maybe I've forgotten from all the ennui, but this seems like more action than we've had in several hours.
(Joe) Jack knows the schematics of the sewer lines better than anyone?

2007-05-14T19:26:00.000-05:00

Not a Metaphor

This past Saturday I went on a 96 mile bike ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway. It started out nice, but about 70 miles into it, I realized that I was not really in the shape to ride 96 miles. After one stretch that saw me climbing for five straight miles up a rather steep incline (ascending 1500 feet in that one climb), the ride was officially grueling. Grueling became painful. Painful became excruciating. And yet, I kept pedaling up the road because that was the direction in which my car was located, parked just after mile marker 167. Slowly the wooden mile markers ticked past . . . 134 . . . 135 . . . 136. Up one climb, then coast down the descent only to climb again. 142 . . . 143 . . . 144 . . . Everything either hurts or is numb. Up another incline . . . 151 . . . 152 . . . 153 . . . Running out of water. Wow, that squirrel is huge. Is he talking to me? . . . 160 . . . 161 . . . 162 . . . 162? Holy crap, just five miles to go and I'm done with this! Excitement reigned. As I pedaled the last few miles thinking only about going home, laying down, and drinking enough to make the pain stop, the suffering was only getting progressively worse. I was more sore and tired at 165 than I was at 135. And yet, because it was the last few miles, I was getting progressively happier.

Anyhow, that story is neither here nor there . . . stay tuned for the second to last night of season 6 of 24!

2007-05-07T21:00:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Walk it off, Milo.
(Scott) Milo dying doesn't exactly rate so far as 24 deaths go.
(Joe) He doesn't warrant a silent countdown to :59:59
(Joe) It does sound totally dumb.
(Scott) I wouldn't have expected him to warrant a commercial.
(Joe) Josh and Melissa are both extraordinarily wealthy for their age or they live with their parents.
(Scott) A red pearl for you mother? That doesn't sound appropriate.
(Scott) A little creepy, actually.
(Joe) No bearded hipster would have pastel artwork on the walls.
(Scott) 2:50
(Joe) 02:50
(Scott) Those sound like Kung Fu dubbing voices.
(Joe) I would pay any amount of money for Jack to flip out at the sight of so many Chinese people with guns.
(Scott) Heh, push the chair against the glass, easy to open door.
(Joe) They came for Josh?
(Scott) Door knob?
(Scott) No door knob.
(Joe) Because that's what you do.
(Scott) Ooh, a fan you have to crawl through. What movie is this?
(Scott) The fugitive?
(Joe) Poseidon.
(Scott) No, I've seen it elsewhere.
(Joe) I'm putting down my gun.
(Scott) He says to send you and the woman. You'll need a hall pass.
(Joe) "Send the woman and Bauer to me." He's familiar with Jack's body of work, no? Or do they not have veins in their necks?
(Joe) C'mon Nadia, you sissy.
(Joe) According to that roster, you are the ranking officer here.
(Scott) That's the mistake of posting the roster in the dugout.
(Scott) Hi Doyle. How's your Flank 2?
(Joe) WE HAD A, UH flank two PROBLEM WITH THE COMMflankUNICATIOn SYSTEtwoM
(Scott) Really, they used to have a protocol for this, right?
(Joe) You don't even know how to pronounce my name.
(Scott) Where's the hobbit guy when you need him?
(Scott) So this is he airport thing again, but with Jack in the crowd and the kid in the airduct.
(Scott) Just need someone wearing a vest.
(Scott) Change the frequency on your cell phone, stat!
(Joe) I need you to walk me through field modifying a cell phone to blow up someone.
(Joe) Lame.
(Scott) Tom couldn't be happier.
(Joe) Yeah, I should have called it.
(Scott) Obviously. It was in the previews.
(Joe) Oh was it?
(Scott) Yeah
(Joe) So was the raid on CTU.
(Scott) Not previews. The previously on 24 segment, I mean.
(Joe) Ah, okay.
(Joe) Oooh, a sliding kill. Extra points.
(Scott) Two weeks left . . .

2007-05-07T20:37:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Oh, right
(Scott) I keep forgetting.
(Joe) Stringer Bell is fighting zombies. Excellent. I hope he doesn't have to kiss anyone.
(Joe) "Melissa, it's Josh."
(Scott) This probably works out for the best. This Josh guy seems like a complete loser.
(Scott) A red pearl?
(Scott) 2:39
(Joe) 02:39
(Scott) Why are they walking in the water? There's a dry walking area right there.
(Scott) It's actually larger than the sewage filled trench.
(Joe) That's a really stupid look for a Chinese operative.
(Scott) Haven't had enough Chlorris? Here's some Midia for you.
(Scott) Whatever the hell that means.
(Scott) Heh, they got into cars. No one noticed cars?
(Joe) Must be a Chinese sleeper cell. Would explain the use of English amongst the strike team.
(Scott) So, the sewer line takes you right into CTU? They may need to look into moving.
(Scott) The call is coming from inside the house!
(Scott) CTU security is just the worst.
(Joe) A hiccup on the server causes the phone outage. No one seems bothered. What the hell kind of war on terrorism is this? I was going to sign up with Cisco for my company, but if the phones go down so frequently, I'll probably go with Lucent.
(Scott) Going to need a weapon . . .
(Joe) 'I'm going to need a weapon.' 'Great, yours'll do.'
(Scott) Seems like that assault rifle could come in handy.
(Joe) Note, If we see 'Now I have a machine gun' written on anyone....
(Scott) Or that one . . .
(Scott) Milo is a moron.
(Joe) That gun was borrowed from Battlestar Gallactica.
(Scott) A dead, dead moron.
(Joe) Milo.

2007-05-07T20:24:00.000-05:00

(Joe) The one Jack gave them was fried or something, right? So they want the other one. I think a military-style assault with the eventual theft of the second subcircuit board is a forgivable offense.
(Scott) Oh, I thought they needed an override.
(Joe) Maybe. My brain is bleeding a little.
(Scott) Unless this chip makes people not Falun Gong, I don't see what the Chinese have to gain from this.
(Joe) Possibly because the only way I can watch this season is to repeatedly stike myself about the head and neck with a bottle.
(Scott) 2:28
(Scott) Chloe v. Morris again. USGS subnet. Deactivate it.
(Joe) Yeah, just have each Chinese person try to create a circuit. Chances are one of them will make what they're looking for.
(Scott) That's how they won that netflix contest.
(Joe) Morris, why don't you go arm some nuclear weapons? Crap, I did it again.
(Scott) Yeah, could you take two steps back there George Dickel?
(Scott) The Chief of Staff is briefing on a covert operation?
(Joe) (They're still 3% away. http://www.netflixprize.com/leaderboard)
(Scott) Is the White House chef securing the perimeter?
(Scott) Hey, a real van.
(Joe) Would probably do a better job. Also, how long until Wayne Palmer shows up doing insurance ads?
(Scott) Seriously, the Chief of Staff . . .
(Scott) That's the smash and dash.
(Scott) Or the break and stake.
(Joe) Ah-ha, the flank two kiss
(Scott) Heh
(Scott) The other guy in the van looks incredibly angry.
(Joe) Maybe I could loosen you up. Again. Just like an hour ago.
(Joe) Freshen up. Again.
(Scott) Freshen up?
(Joe) Walk out the door. Again.
(Scott) Really happy you came back. I mean, I was sleeping and all before.
(Scott) That was kind of nice seeing how it's after 2:00
(Joe) They just stole the dialogue from an entire Cinemax movie.
(Joe) No, they're on the East Coast.
(Joe) You've got to think four-dimensionally, Marty.
(Joe) 5AM. They should be checking for the Post outside the door.

2007-05-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

(Joe) The Stray Cats.
(Scott) I don't think that was the Stray Cats.
(Scott) 2:13
(Joe) 2AM! Holy crap!
(Scott) That kid should be in bed by now.
(Joe) Shouldn't these people be asleep?
(Scott) His creepy looking mother is too lax.
(Joe) They've been locked at CTU for nine hours.
(Scott) And creepy . . .
(Scott) And wearing a ton of face paint for 2:13.
(Joe) "I wish I had never been born!
(Joe) "I need you to close your eyes and get some sleep. I'm due to be an integral part of a love triangle at 4AM."
(Scott) Chloe runs her mouth a lot.
(Joe) Until morning. aka., in an hour.
(Joe) I love you?
(Joe) Sheesh.
(Scott) How soon can you get here? Across town? About 5 minutes.
(Scott) Ha, the Russians are going to be fooled by this? Maybe when Yeltsin was running the show . . .
(Joe) A van across the street. Excellent.
(Scott) I bet it's a box truck.
(Joe) "I don't think the charges will stand up, given the extenuating circumstances."
(Joe) Me being a badass and all.
(Joe) The same box truck from the beginning of the season.
(Scott) Marilyn please, I'm trying to get into a good killing mood here.
(Joe) "I'd like to bring Josh by to see you..."
(Scott) The same box truck from last season's Ontario Airport.
(Joe) (Keep in mind, I've make a call on the kid's paternity.)
(Scott) You'd think they'd have more budget for vehicles.
(Scott) The Chinese Jack Bauer is tall.
(Scott) Little Ricky is going to bleed.
(Joe) 'These Japanese electronics are so cool. Totally makes up for the rape, slavery and destruction caused during the war.'
(Scott) Comfort fires.
(Scott) Sewer lines?
(Joe) 'Be careful, team, the Chinese invented fireworks...'
(Scott) If you see a guy on a chair full of fireworks, we need to move fast.
(Scott) A bomb?
(Joe) "This is an arsenal."
(Joe) Before you could lock down the perimeter, eh? Someone's a one-trick pony.
(Scott) The Chinese are planning to launch a major assault?
(Scott) On CTU? Geez . . .
(Joe) Military-grade C4. As opposed to the consumer-grade C4 you can buy at any mom-and-pop grocery.
(Scott) How does that make sense?

2007-05-07T20:09:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Is this thing over yet?
(Scott) I've completely forgotten what happened last week.
(Scott) Popcorn is slightly burnt, so we're not off to a great start.
(Scott) Didn't have time to make the bison burgers that I have thawed out.
(Scott) Tomorrow on that.
(Scott) Incidentally, Bison burgers are very similar to hamburgers, but they're treated more humanely before being driven over the cliffs.
(Scott) 24 Season 6 - Episode 21
(Scott) The following takes place between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM
(Scott) So, previously . . . Jack's father, Jack's sister-in-law, need someone to do the override, Russians are going to bomb us.
(Scott) Audrey in a coma, Little Rickey releases Jack, CTU under martial law. We didn't start the fire . . .
(Scott) Etc, etc.
(Scott) Heller has left, but somehow has already put out a restraining order against Jack. He's good.
(Scott) Jack: I caused this mess, let me clean it up.
(Scott) Nadia (not a mole) doesn't cave.
(Scott) Generic CTU agents are getting edgy.
(Scott) Couldn't be happier to get out of the room.
(Scott) More nonsense between Chloe and Morris.
(Joe) The Russians will be upset if and only Chang makes it out of the country.
(Scott) This whole Russia story would seem like so much nonsense if it weren't already drowning in a sea of nonsense.
(Scott) Little Ricky is trying to get himself a girlfriend. He should show her how he can dance.
(Joe) Ah, the Chinese Jack Bauer.
(Joe) More likely the Chinese Tony Almeda.
(Scott) In case you get bored . . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzDaNEJudAs

2007-04-30T21:02:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Three more weeks.
(Scott) "It shall likewise be unlawful for any person, from any window or open space of any house, or building, to exhibit to the public upon the street, or the sidewalk thereof, any performance of puppet or other figures, ballet or other dancing, comedy, farce, show with moving figures, play or other entertainment."
(Scott) New York City Administrative code section 10-114
(Joe) An assault on CTU. Cheng wants to be the new Director.
(Joe) Especially in Greenwich Village.
(Scott) shall be punished by a fine of not more than twenty-five dollars, or imprisonment for thirty days, or both.
(Scott) Not sure how 25 dollar fine equates to 30 days in prison.
(Joe) Did they have to film in Newark?
(Joe) Laws as of 1875.
(Scott) Yeah, that makes more sense.

2007-04-30T20:46:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Using his cold-blooded circulatory system, yeah?
(Scott) I've said it before. I dislike all of the people in these cellphone commercials.
(Joe) This commercial just set civil rights back twenty years.
(Scott) Really, you can apply that statement to all cell phone commercials.
(Scott) To 1987?
(Joe) Exactly.
(Joe) See Michael Winslow.
(Scott) Yeah, ok.
(Scott) 1:52
(Joe) I like the map on the wall. Good for stategic planning.
(Joe) I like the map on the wall. Good for strategic planning.
(Scott) Yeah, so the Russians are going to attack the US over stolen technology?
(Scott) Not sure I buy that.
(Joe) 'We gotta get those damned Portugese. Vasco de Gama is a threat!'
(Scott) Or that the Russians can move troops in under 15 minutes.
(Scott) There be sea monsters.
(Joe) "He's an acquaintance. A very close, sexual acquaintance."
(Joe) "It's still treason.
(Scott) I've really just started to tune out the dialogs on 24.
(Joe) "You need to go back to your boyfriend..."
(Scott) I had Ethiopian tonight. Highly recommended.
(Scott) His name is Noah?
(Joe) Wow, threatening 'enemy combatancy'. Hallmark doesn't make a card for that.
(Joe) Injara is really the best.
(Scott) It's a shoebox greeting.
(Scott) Heller . . .
(Scott) It's made from Teff.
(Joe) Heller makes an appearance. No worse for wear after crawling bruised and broken after driving off a cliff.
(Joe) Not even a limp.
(Scott) Bloomfield might be a good lead?
(Scott) Bloomfield copper company?
(Joe) "Mike, you were right. I should have stood up to Dr. Bradley"
(Scott) Heller is just getting the fact that bad things happen when Jack is around.
(Joe) Also, they're going to be the new Tony and Michelle.
(Scott) Could be.
(Scott) Four more episodes.
(Joe) Jack is cursed. That's the big exit line?

2007-04-30T20:35:00.002-05:00

(Scott) That Best Buy commercial is unnecessarily creepy.
(Joe) Digital photo frames? I still don't get it.
(Joe) That was the most Barney Rubble looking guy I've ever seen. Way better than Rick Moranis.
(Joe) See, Americans are falling behind against other countries in education.
(Scott) 1:41
(Joe) 01:41:30
(Joe) "Sectors A-K are clear." "He must be on the lower levels."
(Scott) Why do they even keep Chloe?
(Scott) Nahdyea is not doing so great.
(Joe) No one cares about all the drama. He could have just let Jack out of that room. Clearly, they run things differently in Denver.
(Joe) Clearly.
(Scott) He's taking Audrey to show here where he killed Nina.
(Scott) Exact same room.
(Scott) She's a robot!
(Joe) "Good memories. Oops, watch that blood stain there."
(Joe) Not the same room.
(Scott) You once killed a waitress for giving you unsweetened tea.
(Joe) This room is filled with Jack and Audrey's giant head.
(Joe) She's responding to his freakish murderous vindictive side.
(Joe) I set your husband on fire or whatever.
(Joe) "I'm blinking a lot, Jack."
(Joe) Love, life's sweetest reward.
(Joe) You're safe. Run!
(Scott) She said Bloomfield?
(Joe) Bloomfield could be another programmed response. Like her complete silence since she got here.
(Joe) She may have said 'Bloom County'.
(Scott) I don't think I heard Bloomfield.
(Joe) Jack, I need you to go with these men to 'Holding'.
(Joe) I also need for you to kill less than five people when you inevitably escape.

2007-04-30T20:35:00.001-05:00

(Scott) A reality show about indie film makers? Something seems wrong about that.
(Joe) WROV's Dashboard Idol.
(Joe) I miss Lady Luck.
(Joe) Surfing on a raffle ticket.
(Joe) 'Let's give some clumsy white people PCP and film them. Whatever we get becomes the next Lottery commercial.'
(Joe) Tony Stewart dresses like he's from the future.
(Scott) Was Jared coming on to Tony Stewart?
(Scott) 1:30
(Joe) He's definitely got the self-lacing sneakers from Nike.
(Joe) "Where are you?" 'Do you know what I expect from my mistresses?'
(Scott) 15 minutes with this guy and she's already showered and out the door?
(Joe) She clearly didn't wash her hair.
(Joe) Saves time.
(Scott) NSA ran a data sort
(Joe) A data sort on White House emails.
(Scott) That involves sorting data.
(Joe) Lisa Miller! Gasp!
(Scott) Lisa Miller, sir.
(Scott) You know, the blond chick. The one you've been creepy with.
(Scott) Your assistant.
(Joe) I find it hard to believe my sex kitten is involved with Russian intelligence.
(Scott) Very Clintonian of him.
(Joe) The Republicans are much more straightforward with their staff than, say, others.
(Scott) Wouldn't this guy be a Democrat?
(Joe) "We may be able to turn this situation to our advantage."
(Joe) He's about to try some protocols of his own.
(Scott) Not to the face!
(Scott) Don't they have cameras in the detention rooms?
(Scott) CTU security forces are obviously temps.
(Joe) I said 'make it look good', not 'crush my hyoid bone'.
(Joe) If we'd just let Jack do what he wants, we wouldn't have a whole world of hurt come down on us. Oh, Lord, spare us from your angel of death! Wo be all of us!

2007-04-30T20:14:00.000-05:00

(Joe) WU OMG INBD IDK MY BFF JILL TISNF
(Scott) 1:17
(Joe) The BruSKta burger? You can't even pronouce my hamburger's name.
(Scott) Really, that's not all that sneaky.
(Joe) PS/2. A real thing. Kudos to the writers. A matrix display on a surrepitious download device that says 'Download Complete' is less realistic, but I'll allow it.
(Scott) More nonsense from Chloe and Morris . . .
(Joe) "There's a line. And you crossed it."
(Scott) You'll be back when you run out of Altoids!
(Joe) "We're done."
(Joe) 'I'm going back to selling shoes.'
(Scott) Morris is absolutely getting nabbed by the Chinese in the next couple of hours.
(Scott) Threatening military action . . . not so sure about that.
(Scott) Ben Affleck?
(Joe) Secure Bauer. Yeah, okay.
(Scott) Milo is unexplainably frustrated.
(Joe) Shoot him twice in the face, then seal him in whatever Han Solo was stuck in.
(Scott) Mosquito bites. She must have been held near water.
(Scott) Take care of her
(Scott) She knows too much.
(Joe) Dr. Bradley.
(Scott) Not without intervention.
(Scott) Groin?
(Joe) 22%.
(Scott) No chance of her dying from contact with Jack Bauer?
(Scott) He bit a man to death.
(Joe) You can't get her wet or feed her after midnight, Beijing time. Here, that's 12AM.
(Joe) "... respecting the chain of command."

2007-04-30T20:01:00.000-05:00

(Joe) I can't believe they cancelled Drive. Amateurs. They must have hired the NBC executives responsible for all that is evil in the television community.
(Scott) No Dom Deluise, no cannonball run III.
(Scott) It would be like Police Academy 9 without Michael Winslow.
(Scott) 24 season 6 (worst ever), episode 20.
(Scott) The following takes place between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM.
(Joe) This could be the best season of Silver Spoons, though.
(Scott) I wonder if Jason Bateman will show up.
(Scott) Previously on 24: a bunch of nonsense that just doesn't make sense.
(Scott) Audrey is counting matchsticks.
(Joe) Jack fixing Audrey: "Audrey, you're okay with Jack's emotional distance. Audrey, you're okay with Jack's emotional distance. You also like watching football. You like football."
(Scott) 135
(Scott) You're safe now Miss Raines. You believe that, right?
(Scott) Help me Obi Wan . ..
(Scott) Oddly enough, Audrey has the best dialog of the season.
(Joe) "I really need you on the floor."
(Scott) That's what she said.
(Scott) She being Nadia.
(Joe) "We're done here Morris."
(Scott) His plan would have worked if not for us kids and that crazy dog.
(Scott) I might be the only person who can get through to her . . . one severed finger at a time.
(Scott) CTU is attempting to find Chang. He is believed to have been last seen in the vicinity of Ang.
(Joe) Those damned dragon masks and finger traps. It's awful. I'm the only one who knows. All the incessant talk about paper and fireworks. I'm surprised she's kept it together this long.
(Scott) Eng, not Ang.
(Joe) The Telepresence Suite. Clearly installed by the Clinton administration.
(Scott) Pronounced Ang, I believe.
(Scott) A little late in the season for the token minx/mole.
(Scott) In soviet russia, you fall into hands of nuclear weapons.
(Joe) The Russians are clearly fine with everything else that happened today.
(Joe) If they didn't have the second and third monitors there, you'd miss the grave concern of the Russian Interior Minister.
(Scott) The money spent on teleconferencing technology is enough for a couple more years of social security.
(Scott) Brought to you by Cisco!
(Joe) "I say we bomb Russia. I'll be with my mistress."
(Scott) Now I have an odd desire to go out and buy a couple of routers.
(Scott) Uploading, Uploading.
(Scott) A problem in the chip. Circuit board is damaged.
(Scott) Ha, a security override.
(Joe) Why didn't they think Bauer was reponsible for it?
(Scott) Find someone with the necessary expertise.
(Scott) Morris?
(Joe) Also, they wanted the chip because they didn't know what it did. Just saying.
(Scott) It's a solid premise.

2007-04-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Heh
(Joe) Yeah, that was Buchanan until Chloe came to his house to use his Juno account.
(Scott) Right, so next episode they'll be using plots from last season.
(Joe) http://www.fs.fed.us/r5/angeles/
(Scott) In a couple of weeks, Jack will be returning from a chinese prison.
(Scott) An hour's drive from LA.
(Joe) Well, that means they'll run out. The real question is: will they loop (his wife gets kidnapped) or come up with something new?
(Scott) Isn't that what this episode is? Audrey kidnapped?
(Scott) 12:51.
(Scott) 15:21 Southern Hemisphere.
(Scott) It seems like, the government should consider revoking this particular consulates diplomatic status.
(Scott) Little Ricky is going to screw of the whole exchange.
(Scott) Couldn't Jack just have arranged for a CTU team to take out the Chinese and rescue Audrey?
(Joe) Put the component in her eye.
(Joe) Seriously, I'll repeat this from last time: Just fry the electronics. The EPROM would ostensibly have the algorithms on them. These things are burned in to start with. Let's see how they verify the sub-circuit board.
(Scott) Stupid Little Ricky.
(Scott) Maybe it's a decoy circuit board.
(Scott) What?
(Scott) A bazooka?
(Scott) You're shitting me.
(Joe) Thanks to Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Chinese can get Humvees, too.
(Joe) That was a ridiculously funny picture of Bill and Karen.
(Scott) I don't know what's worse, the bazooka or Karen and Bill wearing Leis.
(Scott) He escaped out the rear . . .
(Scott) They set up the worst perimeters.
(Scott) She's a robot!
(Scott) She's a robot!
(Joe) They had like fifty agents shooting at two or three Chinese guys. A few of the couldn't have, you know, walked around to the back?
(Joe) I'd like to see Jack try to jog her memory. 'Remember when I tortured and killed your husband?'
(Scott) An interview with Sueng-Hui Cho's call girl? That spells no local news for me tonight.
(Joe) 'Good times...'
(Scott) I'm this close to canceling cable.
(Scott) <---> (this close)
(Joe) A frontal assault is not a wing assault. The place wasn't that big. I mean, don't they train CTU agents to think: 'Man, the Chinese overlords either live here in the woods or THEY DROVE HERE.'

2007-04-23T20:45:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Commerical: Fairy tale plot.
(Scott) Damn bug bites.
(Scott) It's only April.
(Scott) Henderson lawn must be overrun.
(Joe) Window puppet shows *are* illegal in NY. Ed Koch said they made him feel 'ill at ease'.
(Scott) There are too many commercials based around parachute jumps
(Scott) We already know the joke.
(Joe) The hippies were protesting the war on Henderson Lawn a couple of weeks ago. That's fourteen days of incubation time.
(Scott) They could just save money by showing black on white text saying "Picture a guy leaving an airplane unexpectedly, having something to do with our product"
(Scott) 12:38
(Joe) 12:38/1:38/2:38/3:38
(Scott) 7:38 Hawaii
(Scott) Why does the CTU directors office have barcodes for windows?
(Joe) 8:38 AM London time. What's happening with the nuclear weapon in America. Oh well, I guess we'll find out at 2PM in the afternoon. Right on time for a crumpet and tea.
(Scott) Karen is selling out her husband.
(Scott) I have to distance myself from you.
(Scott) Separate beds.
(Scott) Buchanan is objecting to this, primarily due to the fact he's a mole.
(Joe) This is probably why they have rules against Senate-confirmable positions being married to a direct report.
(Joe) Double-length keys?
(Scott) He used a double length key to slow us down.
(Scott) He used a double length key to slow us down.
(Scott) That's like a regular sized key, but larger.
(Scott) About twice as large.
(Joe) How many freakin' people are on the phone right now in the sticks of L.A.?
(Scott) Does LA really have a National Forest?
(Joe) 'Come with me.' Last time I was in a room with a guy with a briefcase, he drilled into my wristbones.
(Scott) They made the woman they suspected of terrorism acting director?
(Scott) Also, if you're fired, do you really get to choose your replacement?
(Scott) Extra-redundancies.
(Scott) So, if there is an extra redundancy on something, that means you have to do it four times.
(Scott) Or is that three?
(Joe) A Muslim woman as acting director of CTU? That's an awesome. You gotta think the President is going to have some issues.. that is, if he doesn't want to 'show her the Lincoln Bedroom'.
(Scott) Wasn't there some other director of CTU who was escorted off of site?
(Scott) And he helped from home or something?
(Scott) Was that Buchanan?
(Joe) Should someone tell her that she was picked because he was the only one left in a suit?

2007-04-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

(Scott) 1:00 AM Mountain
(Joe) Commercial: Tiny men talking about how they smell.
(Joe) Commercial: The Sixth Sense 2: Electric Boogaloo
(Scott) I missed that preview. The guy is invisible?
(Joe) Commercial: Ben Stiller covered in shaving cream, playing with a monkey.
(Joe) Yeah, invisible. Like Ghost Dad, actually.
(Scott) I was wrong before. Ben Stiller may be worse than Nicholas Cage.
(Joe) A movie I was 2nd AD on.
(Joe) (Shh.)
(Scott) Ghost dad would have made more sense than this season of 24.
(Scott) 12:28
(Joe) 12:28/3:28
(Scott) Jack is driving through the exact spot where they filmed the prequel to this season.
(Joe) Nice purse, Jack. Does your husband fight terrorism, too?
(Scott) I guarantee that as a fact.
(Scott) The house is full of mice.
(Joe) What? He can't even do the gun-follows-the-flashlight thing?
(Scott) Thank god I left my elephant at home.
(Joe) Gimmicky, I know, but, you know, a good idea.
(Joe) I agree. Good catch.
(Scott) Anything in the area? Nothing really, but there is this one house next to a field.
(Scott) Wow, that was bad blocking.
(Joe) These White House offices are spacious as hell.
(Scott) They had Lennox kissing Karen.
(Scott) A pardon?
(Scott) He can go on being your husband . . . he may develop other relationships over the next 12 to 18 months.
(Scott) Oh yeah, Jack. This is a show about Jack.
(Joe) You can't take the day off or take a nap with glass walls.
(Joe) Bill, take care of Audrey. If you know what I mean.
(Scott) He's at a hotel?
(Joe) 12:34/3:34

2007-04-23T20:22:00.000-05:00

(Scott) These Verizon commercials just don't play well for the slightly paranoid.
(Joe) Commercial: Good-for-you healthy sassy salads. A different brand of 24 fan this season.
(Joe) 12:14
(Scott) 12:14
(Scott) Pizza's ready. Back in a minute.
(Scott) Hopefully I won't miss a cliche.
(Joe) Inappropriate Oval Office moments between an executive and his mistress.
(Scott) He's like Clinton and Fred Thompson combined with a crazy person.
(Joe) Wow, Jack Bauer just killed fifty people! That was the most amazing sequence ever. I take back everything bad I ever said about this season. That was unmissable.
(Scott) No dice, the kitchen's closer than that.
(Joe) one-half, four-eighths, eight-sixteenth, pi over two pi
(Scott) More yammering between a couple I don't care about.
(Scott) I think this is supposed to be banter.
(Joe) Like a more serious version of NBC's The Office.
(Scott) It was either the nuclear thing or joke about altoids.
(Joe) Let me smell your breath, Terrorist Helper. Ooops! Didn't mean that.
(Scott) Early enough? It's midnight. No one would say early enough.
(Scott) I think this episode was scheduled for another time.
(Joe) 3AM.
(Scott) Proof Bill Buchanan is a mole?
(Scott) Bill Buchanan is a mole!
(Joe) Although the video is time-coded to midnight. Is it not 3AM in D.C. if it's midnight where Jack Bauer is?
(Scott) Ok, so maybe that's orchestrated proof, but still it's a step closer.
(Scott) Oh, right. My mistake. Forgot they were on the East Coast.
(Scott) Your husband is a mole!
(Scott) I've been saying it for two seasons.
(Joe) No, you're right, though. The video on the East Coast clearly says 00:03:12 AM or whatever.
(Joe) 12:23 AM/03:23AM

2007-04-23T19:52:00.000-05:00

(Joe) The first ridiculous technology thing on Drive. (Other than the fabricated phone text messages)
(Joe) Something about doing a restricted character search for six-digit numbers.
(Joe) Also, a mention of downloading the search program via FTP.
(Joe) Itself, not ridiculous. But an unecessary detail.
(Scott) What, you've never remoted in to your computer at home to ftp a search utility?
(Scott) And certainly banks would allow you to just ftp in from home.
(Scott) The guy giving her a ride looks like he's related to Bush somehow.
(Scott) He has that same slack-jawed, dazed look.
(Scott) 24, season 6 - Episode 19
(Scott) The following takes place between 12:00 AM and 1:00 AM.
(Joe) This is the worst season of 24.
(Scott) Worse than cougars?
(Joe) All our viewers need to know.
(Scott) Yeah, worse than cougars . . .
(Joe) We are certain to see some member of the cat family chasing someone this season.
(Scott) Maybe a panda
(Scott) A panda is technically a cat, incidentally.
(Scott) I suspect that Jack isn't even going to off Little Ricky.
(Scott) How is it possible that anyone stops for that?
(Joe) Midnight in L.A., 3AM on the East Coast, where Vice President Daniels is machinating.
(Scott) It's just not possible.
(Scott) And why is there so much traffic at midnight?
(Scott) "He got the drop on me"
(Scott) "In pursuit"
(Scott) "Jack's gone rogue"
(Scott) Yes, it's old cliche night in 24 land
(Joe) Midnight after a nuclear weapon was detonated within driving distance.
(Scott) Power lines . . . tracker from the sub-board
(Scott) Milo shows some uncharacteristic judgement.
(Joe) At the beginning of the season, Jack was in a Chinese prison. Even the stupid Toyota commercial was more interesting than jockeying for the Presidency and back-room discussions about whether the DoD or Homeland is responsible for blanket subpoena powers.
(Scott) Wait, why is there a child in the back of this car . . . oh crap.
(Scott) I miss tedium of the Logans.
(Scott) "Clear the air"
(Joe) No way he would address the nation at 9AM. Today/GMA has morning prime-time at 8AM. They're going to let them have spring cleaning tips and a fake fashion show until letting the country know what happened overnight?
(Scott) Lennox is decoying.
(Scott) No, wait. That was last week's theme.
(Joe) Do you know how cool a season of Chinese Prison Break would be?
(Scott) The tattoos would be so much more complex.
(Scott) Gotta check on the pizza.
(Scott) It's Digiorno.
(Joe) The Chinese Overlord played the same character in Akeelah and the Bee.
(Scott) Still needs a few minutes.
(Joe) Mandarin.
(Joe) 12:10
(Joe) Commercial: Makeovers with pretty pink dresses. A different brand of 24 fan this season.
(Scott) Nicholas Cage is terrible.
(Scott) Tiny cars

2007-04-16T21:00:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Yeah, 'I tortured my little brother to death' would have made a compelling point.
(Scott) How did his father die?
(Scott) Jack Bauer's gone rogue . . . again.
(Joe) "Jack's gone rogue."

2007-04-16T20:58:00.001-05:00

(Joe) I've actually watched The Riches. No son-in-law to be seen. Suddenly...
(Scott) It looks like fine-quality cinema.
(Scott) 11:52
(Joe) Cereberal hemmorage.
(Scott) Ok, so the nuclear missiles . . . let's get those things launched.
(Joe) Bethesda. Do they still do it there?
(Joe) Yes, they do.
(Scott) Ah, so Little Ricky will get a call from CTU and have a moral dilemma.
(Scott) Lessons will be learned.
(Joe) If they don't know the proprietary algorithms on the EEPROM, why not burn it out first?
(Scott) While the Vice President may be the bad guy, he's obviously correct.
(Joe) 'I'm not the type of executive to cause international incidents.'
(Scott) So, the rest of the season will be a fight to defy a logical conclusion?
(Scott) First wave of his hand.
(Scott) The generic soldiers aren't going to have a bad 12:00 to 1:00.
(Scott) Are going to have, I mean
(Scott) Jack just suspects everyone at this point.
(Scott) Jack just suspects everyone at this point.
(Joe) "... I shot my old partner... don't think I won't do that to you."
(Scott) I shot my old partner . . . and oh, yeah . . . I completely forgot about my brother and father.
(Scott) My wife . . . dead.
(Joe) "Take the keys out of the high-powered Toyota Tundra."
(Scott) Daughter . . . dating a beatnik.
(Joe) "You can't go against the White House. Jack!"

2007-04-16T20:33:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Heh the sixth-sense two . . . electric bugaloo.
(Joe) They're going to inject it with an isotope. Look for the chip to have its arm chopped off.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Scott) You're on your own with that.
(Joe) Mana mana.
(Scott) What is this nonsense with the taxi driver?
(Joe) What the hell is with the 1996 computer animation?
(Joe) I went to the website. I still have no idea.
(Scott) And they canceled Andy Richter Controls the Universe . . .
(Scott) 11:38
(Joe) http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/162801/Oleg_The_Taxi_Man_Debuts_On_Fox
(Scott) Yeah, about that having you hit on the head thing . . .
(Scott) Need someone to help with Audrey's extraction.
(Scott) Jack explaining to Ricky the facts of death.
(Joe) The annoying character is an incentive for us to watch FOX commercials.
(Scott) Holy crap, you're kidding.
(Joe) "At least I didn't arm terrorist nukes."
(Scott) Alpha 1-7-9-3
(Scott) That's probably a secure line.
(Joe) A few years later: "Hey, Morris. I can date whoever I want. At least I didn't arm nuclear weapons for terrorists."
(Scott) First exit after mile marker 49, turn right at the cracker barrel.
(Joe) "Also, you're breath smells like barrel-aged Altoids."
(Joe) "Take a left at the Pier One."
(Joe) "She served this country with honor. Get in the truck."
(Scott) She served the country with honor? She wasn't exactly storming the shore's of Montezuma.
(Joe) "You wanted to see me." "Close the door."
(Scott) There was the whole arm artery cutting thing . . . but that just involved her walking slowly.
(Joe) Close the door. We want privacy. Totally private conversation now.
(Scott) She's a secretary by day and an assassin by night.
(Joe) No possibility of a concealed listening device.
(Scott) Is she a secretary? Or is she deputy something or another.
(Joe) 'I'm hereby resigning the Office of the Vice-President to spend more time with my blonde mistress."
(Scott) We'll have a lot more time to spend together . . . unless you're really shallow and power hungery.
(Scott) Maybe he can catch on at the World Bank.
(Scott) You think Palmer would be a little more edgy about standing in front of a podium.
(Joe) '... except for Morris at CTU, who knows what he did.'
(Scott) Seriously, trim the stitches.
(Scott) I'm absolutely certain, almost to a level of hubris, that this crisis is over.
(Joe) "Andrea. How's your husband, Mr. Greenspan?"
(Scott) He's a robot!
(Joe) Quick, a shot of adrenaline!
(Scott) Someone pull back his coat to reveal his circuits.
(Joe) The writers would have loved to make his head spin around 'Small Wonder'-style.

2007-04-16T20:25:00.000-05:00

(Joe) 11:29
(Joe) Handcuffs. They put handcuffs on me. How quaint.
(Scott) I just wanted to see the component . . .
(Scott) Work out a game plan
(Joe) "Will you let me make one more call?" 'Local? Sure.'
(Scott) Heh, I'm asking you as a friend to risk the stability of the world.
(Joe) "Doyle, he says 'Let me go'."
(Scott) Heh, that's a much better plan.
(Scott) Also a good plan by Jack to run his plan by the president who just had a head injury.
(Chris) that is a wise and well-informed president
(Scott) Like all presidents . . .
(Chris) i'm informed that that chip holds the key to all technology ever made
(Scott) Did he really ask how Jack can guarantee that something will be destroyed?
(Scott) Seriously, I need to look up suspension of disbelief again. I may have the concept wrong.
(Joe) 'Jack, we're just not confident you know how to destroy things.'
(Joe) Wait, aren't we interested in the FB sub-circuit?
(Scott) CTU is going to embed a tracking device in the board? Does that make sense?
(Scott) If the Chinese will know it's the real board, won't they notice there's a GPS device on it?
(Joe) Are they (the Russians) still making suitcase nukes? If not, just tell them to change their security protocols.

2007-04-16T20:12:00.000-05:00

(Joe) This commercial...
(Joe) ... written by Kids in the Hall.
(Scott) There's an SUV called the Patriot? Seriously?
(Joe) 11:15
(Scott) 11:15
(Joe) 11:15:32
(Joe) 'President Palmer the 44th was killed fifty years ago today.'
(Scott) Wayne Palmer appears to have completely recovered from brain swelling since the ten o'clock hour.
(Joe) 'our relationship has always been a marriage of convenience...'
(Scott) It's not me, it's you.
(Joe) "How dare you. You don't have the right to ask for my resignation."
(Scott) I'm going to replace you with Fred Thompson, I really should have chosen him anyhow.
(Scott) Can't someone give Palmer's stitches a trim?
(Joe) "Mr. President. I refuse."
(Scott) I mean . . . he's the president.
(Joe) Tom Lennox will certainly end up in a car trunk.
(Scott) What did you just call me?
(Joe) The President should always have witnesses talking to this guy.
(Joe) Also, the AG should start drafting pardons.
(Scott) Some time in the next week . . . ok, new assassination attempt coming . . .
(Joe) "I think someone's hacked into my system."
(Scott) Someone accessed my files . . .
(Chris) crap! ... just lost fox!
(Joe) "I'm the one who hacked into your system... I'll explain it to you in a little while."
(Joe) Meet me in the server room.
(Scott) A better tact to take would be "You were just looking at those files yourself. Why do you smell like Altoids?"
(Chris) i guess i'll just have to believe what you guys say
(Chris) not a wise move on my part
(Scott) FB sub-circuit board . . . more valuable than diamonds.
(Scott) Morris isn't really going to do it.
(Scott) Is Morris smelling his own breath? What did I drink last . . . mmmmm Scotch . . .
(Scott) Never grow up to be a generic soldier.
(Joe) Good, only two armed guards with M16s.
(Joe) Not the 'What's your name' trick.
(Joe) Christ.
(Scott) Armed guards are such push overs.
(Joe) Nice cellphone wallpaper, Jack. Does your husband have a phone, too?
(Scott) Why the noises? Is he testing the harmonics on the circuit board?
(Scott) Generic soldiers get a win.
(Joe) If that's the FB sub-circuit board...
(Scott) You may be right on the Little Ricky thing.
(Joe) The proprietary algorithms are only responsible for, like, sixteen pin-outs. Can't figure that out.

2007-04-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Drive seems to be more like 'Lost' than 'The Amazing Race'. Polar bears to come.
(Scott) My theory is that when they were making the pilot for Lost that they just had extra polar bear suits lying around.
(Scott) Shouldn't Sammy Davis Jr. be on this? Dressed like a priest . . .
(Scott) And where is Dom DeLuise?
(Joe) Very Aronofsky-like shots of Alex's Long Lost Car.
(Scott) Reminds me of Matisse.
(Joe) Look for a Mattel line of Drive merchandise.
(Scott) With Kung-fu steering wheel grip
(Joe) The secret underground road race has a few too many minvans competing.
(Joe) Shirley is apparently in the next episode. Laverne is nowhere to be found.
(Scott) 24 season 6 - episode 18
(Scott) The following takes place between 11:00 PM and 12:00 AM.
(Scott) Where were we? Oh yeah, I was suspending my disbelief so far it was screaming.
(Scott) "Agent Bauer, you really do need to get you to a hospital"
(Scott) "Do you know how many times I've died on this show, son?
(Joe) 'I know you've been through hell...'
(Joe) Doyle is a mole for the Chinese.
(Scott) My new theory is that Prison in China is a euphemism for "Heroin Addiction Rehab Center"
(Scott) Ooh, good theory.
(Scott) I'm still holding out for Buchanan.
(Scott) Jack is as confused by this plot line as I am.
(Joe) They want the Russian suitcase nukes? Oh, the 'prototype algorithms'.
(Joe) Isn't that Morris' impromptu programming job? I guess not.
(Scott) I think the algorithms are hash encoded. They'll never be able to read them.
(Scott) Especially in that crazy hieroglyphics.
(Scott) Another possibility would be that Audrey is a mole.
(Joe) Clothing doesn't come pre-tattered. Most of the clothes in the world are made in China, so you'd think she'd have suitable apparel.
(Scott) Not likely, sure . . . but equally plausible as anything else on this show.
(Joe) The mole on Chang's face is a mole for Audrey.
(Scott) Oh good, Jack is about to kick some generic CTU agent ass.
(Scott) Lennox has the truth.
(Scott) He says he can't handle it though.
(Scott) Then it's over . . . and seven hours earlier than normal . . . that's odd . . .
(Scott) Inform Secret Service that we're leaving the bunker, and someone else will need to press the keys.
(Scott) 4 8 15 16 23 42
(Joe) The rest of the season is clearly going to be Medal of Honor presentations and paperwork. The AG will catch up on faxing pardons.
(Scott) Not one of you gave up . . . except Morris . . . he sold us out pretty well.
(Chris) "international incident ... big time!"
(Scott) Chloe could play herself in a Saturday Night Live skit.
(Scott) Chloe will be put into holding before this season is out.
(Scott) Alpha 5-3-9
(Joe) The Chinese are trying to get a circuit board, despite the fact that they have all of them. Like the Library of Congress has a copy of all books with an ISBN.
(Scott) That's a secure line, I guess.
(Scott) Chloe explains to Jack the schematics of a progress bar.
(Joe) The CTU PCs can do real-time analysis of satellite imagery, but a simple copy takes up the whole screen and ten minutes of screen time.
(Joe) Truly the terrorists have won.

2007-04-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Now doing a perpetual pull up five inches above asphalt.
(Joe) (Psst. Bruce Willis is the bad guy.)
(Scott) Cannonball Run 3.
(Scott) 10:51
(Scott) Apparently Palmer is under house arrest.
(Scott) Another shot of adrenaline . . .
(Scott) Palmer is losing it . . .
(Scott) Not sure why Palmer's concerned with adjusting his collar at this point. I mean, have you seen his face?
(Scott) Heh, the drive shaft is right at face level.
(Scott) They may be tracking me by attaching a Jack Bauer to my under carriage.
(Scott) Dead man . . . snap.
(Scott) 10:55
(Scott) Did he just kill two people with one shot?
(Scott) Mayhem!
(Scott) Jack is invincible.
(Scott) My theory is that the Chinese really killed him and this is his ghost.
(Joe) Just looking for some backup on whether or not Fayed could have become suspicious when the Arab sleeper cell was carrying around goverment-issued 15-round Colt semi-automatic weapons.
(Scott) Fayyad throws his gun at Jack after they both run out of ammo . . . exactly like Naked Gun.
(Joe) He is really bitey this season. The writers must really be... okay, this was in the first Die Hard. Sweet Lord.
(Scott) And Jack hangs Fayyad. Not sure that this is a new way of killing for the show.
(Scott) Yeah, I think you're right about the die-hard thing.
(Scott) Are you alright Jack? Yeah, I just need 11 seconds to rest.
(Joe) The conductor from 'the Money Pit', remember? John McClain killed his brother?
(Scott) Right, yeah.
(Joe) Can't he shoot Fayed in the ankles and let him down? He's got to know something.
(Joe) I was about to call it.
(Scott) Audrey?
(Scott) The Chinese? Seriously?
(Scott) You've got to be shitting me.
(Joe) Crap, the Chinese.
(Scott) This guy is the consulate . . .
(Scott) Really, just a consulate.
(Scott) How does he operate with impunity?
(Joe) Yeah, but the L.A. consul. He's big time. This is way beyond owning a Chinese restaurant for, inevitably, Jack Bauer and Chris Tucker to fight the bad guys in.
(Scott) All of this nuclear plot has been just a lead up to Audrey being kidnapped? How is this possible?
(Scott) Why did the Chinese let go of him?
(Joe) Wasn't there some sort of deal made? Have they no honor?
(Scott) The Chinese want a nuclear weapon?
(Scott) They have nuclear weapons . . .
(Scott) It would make as much sense as exchanging Audrey for rice.
(Joe) Oh, he's after the component that they could have bought earlier that morning.
(Scott) Which component?
(Joe) That a greasy American hobbyist made in his garage workshop. That only cost $50,000 originally. Sure.
(Scott) But the purpose of the component was to detonate a nuclear weapon, right?
(Joe) The Chinese don't have half-a-billion people they can throw at making random components. After about an hour, someone will have made the one they want.
(Joe) Yeah, this is just the worst.
(Joe) Hopefully, it's another component.

2007-04-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Huh, that AT&T logo looks oddly familiar.
(Scott) I can't quite place it . . .
(Joe) Trendy, it is.
(Scott) Nicholas Cage can see things before it happens. In exchange for that gift, he became a terrible, terrible actor.
(Scott) Except as H.I. McDonough.
(Joe) Hmm, Nicholas Cage in a movie that seems less awful than most. Odd.
(Scott) You can call me Hi.
(Joe) Clearly, this was shot after 'Gone in 60 Seconds' and 'National Treasure'.
(Scott) Before National Treasure 2?
(Scott) 10:41
(Joe) NT2 (as we fans like to call it) will be awesome. The special effects with the dollar bills this time.... whew!
(Scott) Samir is Arabic for Flank 2.
(Joe) I think he was trying to say 'Flank Two' in Arabic.
(Scott) I wonder how often they change protocols.
(Scott) Samir has been dead for two years. Jack mutters flank 2 under his breath.
(Scott) Those cell phones are pretty loud . . . surely Fayyad heard that.
(Scott) And under a tunnel . . . of couse.
(Scott) How is it possible that one guy with a pistol killed this many heavily armed CTU agents?
(Joe) Yeah, the custom ringtone for Jack Bauer is the sound of someone being tortured.
(Scott) Slamming the door you're running through seems like a huge mistake . . .
(Joe) What Sylvester Stallone movie was this?
(Scott) Of course, it was the only door, so it's incomprehensible that Jack couldn't have figured this out sooner.
(Scott) Hah!
(Joe) Very nearly 'Die Hard 3: A Motherf*cking Shark Ate Me'.
(Scott) Jack is seriously hanging on to the undercarriage.
(Scott) Wasn't this a scene from Naked Gun?
(Scott) OJ Simpson?
(Scott) I swear . . .
(Joe) I have a dead body at the loading dock, so either Jack or Fayed has been here.
(Scott) 15 hours ago Jack was an emaciated torture victim.

2007-04-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Little Ricky bled.
(Scott) So that was something.
(Scott) Also, everything on the show is a decoy.
(Scott) Just like on LOST.
(Scott) And Jack Killed a polar bear.
(Scott) Ooh, good call on the Chinese thing. It's exactly the same trick.
(Joe) It would have been great if Fayed was rescued by an IRA splinter group. Or a cadre of clowns. (A coven? A pride?)
(Scott) A hump
(Scott) 10:??
(Scott) Bill Buchanan on the phone . . .
(Joe) Those guys had the redundant login problem so they weren't doing anything anyway...
(Scott) What? You tricked Fayyad? We just tricked the Generic Islamic Republic of Perabia. What a coincidence.
(Joe) Mr. President, I think Bill Buchanan is tricking you. Clearly, Bill Buchanan doesn't know he's dead.
(Scott) If Jack Bauer says torture (which uncategorically denounce) won't work, then it won't work. We'll stick with the Scooby Doo tricks for now.
(Scott) How often can you fake a nuclear missile launch and have the target thank you later?
(Joe) "I resent your tone."
(Scott) The General is not giving in to our interrogation. Maybe we can trick them some how.
(Scott) Ha! Staging the killing of a terrorist's family. This is totally season 2 again.
(Joe) The Saudi^H^H^H^H^H Perturbian ambassador is shocked at allegations of barbarism.
(Joe) 'Duh, I don't have level five security clearance.'
(Scott) Uplink the proprietary channel on the something something B.
(Scott) Doyle may not be as bad as you think he is. I mean, have you seen him dance? And he has a huge toy train.
(Joe) A lot of shows have a 'bible' they use to maintain consistency. You know, from one episode to the next. One of the many tips you can get if Scott and I were hired as 'consultants'. Also, craft services will need to provide a steady stream of authentic Japanese food. Like Kayo.
(Joe) "Why are you using a cell phone, General?"
(Scott) And pork barbeque
(Scott) He says he can't talk long, he has blood streaming through his sinus cavities.
(Joe) Great, cut him off. Before he gets smarmy.
(Scott) Jamal is definitely getting shot. There's no other way for this to work out.
(Scott) HAI-mal
(Joe) "Mr. President, are you feeling all right?"
(Scott) Give the president ephinedrine . . . stat!
(Joe) Quick, find the President a robotic exoskeleton.
(Scott) Can some please put me back in a coma?
(Joe) M.A.N.T.I.S., we hardly knew ye.

2007-04-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

Just time-delayed. I see Jack's pulling an ol' trick he learned during his Chinese vacation.

2007-04-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

10:15
-Apparently we have no Joe tonight . . . Something about ice dancing on PBS.
-Lennox and Palmer have a close moment in the LOST bunker.
-Seems like they could save this exposition until after the crisis is averted.
-Oh, and Tom, you're fired . . .
-As chief of staff, I'm here to protect you . . . except where I'm undermining you.
-Jack and Doyle taunting the prisoner. Jack looks back and . . . head on collison.
-This looks like one of those fancy Allstate scams. Where's David Palmer.
-Jack and Little Ricky are shot.
-Hmm . . . a decoy?
-Yep, another decoy . . . apparently, this week's theme is decoys.
-Little Ricky's neck is bleeding (unless it's an even more advanced decoy).
-Fayyad takes one of the cover agents guns . . . that's the international sign of trust. I think that started with the Quakers.

2007-04-09T20:12:00.000-05:00

-Prison Break is over for the season?
-Wait . . . there's going to be a third season of Prison Break? Wow, that seems unnecessary. What did they need, two or three episodes to wrap this whole thing up?
-Ok, is this thing on?
-Wait, why am I here? Aren't I on vacation? Oh, yeah . . . it's nothing but cold outside, so all of my plans are called off . . .
-Fucking Al Gore.
-Where were we . . . Palmer was resurrected to save the world from a nuclear war. And he winds up taking the side of nuclear war.
-I may start referring to Palmer as Wayne McCain.
-24 Season 6 - Episode 17
-The following takes place between 10:00 PM and 11:00 PM
-We have a successful launch . . .
-And 30 seconds later the missles enter the target's airspace.
-Karen is asking for a pretext to bring the missiles down? How would that even be done?
-Four minutes until impact.
-President Palmer has the shakes (or the Jack itch).
-General Habib has been coordinating this thing . . .
-Two minutes until impact? I'm pretty sure that 30 seconds passed.
-The missile will be aborted? How do you abort a missile? Does it just turn back around and head to the ship . . .
-Oh, ditch it in the gulf. Screw you Greenpeace!
-Ah, a decoy . . . so Palmer is less McCain like than I though.
-Jack hurt his hand punching Fayyad. Fayyad will regret that.
-Ricky wants in on the torture (which by the way, we most definitely don't do) . . .
-Ah, with Jack on the phone, little Ricky is emulating the adults. Maybe he'll show Fayyad he can dance.
-Doyle/Ricky is definitely going to screw this up.

2007-04-02T20:57:00.000-05:00

(Joe) A fire!
(Scott) Another first for the fifth grader show.
(Joe) And a convenience store!
(Scott) No truck commercials this week?
(Scott) 9:52
(Scott) I think this is the same dumpster by the fence area where Milo was in a gunfight earlier.
(Joe) One bullet. Awesome.
(Scott) Gradenko, the rat.
(Scott) Jack is going to save yet another villain.
(Scott) More bizarre buddy scenes to follow.
(Joe) This is almost like a Jackie Chan setup. A bar, plenty of glass, lots of guys coming at him one-at-a-time.
(Scott) If the adrenaline causes Palmer problems, can't the doctor just give him ephenidrine?
(Joe) Dammit, doctor, I want some adrenaline injected in my eyeball! I want to see faster than light! I want to ride the shining sun into the fire! Wahahahahahah!
(Joe) Or have the AD do it.
(Joe) The AG do it.
(Joe) 'Maybe cutting off my arm was a bad idea. There are drawbacks I clearly had not considered.'
(Joe) I shouldn't have let Elizabeth Shue try her cold fusion device.
(Scott) Under the pier is typically a right nasty place.
(Scott) Karen and Lennox coming to terms.
(Scott) So, your script . . . is it behaving oddly for you?
(Joe) Daniels hollowed out President Palmer and climbed inside.
(Joe) From Wikipedia: Side effects of synthetic adrenaline overdoses: Strong desire to launch nuclear strikes. This usually isn't a problem with most people...

2007-04-02T20:47:00.001-05:00

(Scott) It's pronounced Lein-oCHs
(Joe) Commercial: Getting a mani-pedi and a new outfit.
(Joe) The Food and Drug Administration also is in favor of warmer-than-room-temperature bread. Too bad, Subway.
(Joe) Peyton Manning: Hilarious.
(Joe) I guarantee that 'Drive' started out as a reality show concept.
(Scott) 9:41
(Joe) Uh, you totally have to fire Daniels.
(Joe) No, fire the Vice-President.
(Scott) No action against the cabinet.
(Joe) This is totally a Catch-22.
(Scott) Now, someone put me back in a coma. My brain hurts.
(Joe) Only a crazy person would want to be President on a day wracked with complex issues and mass casualties... Therefore, Palmer is insane.
(Joe) I'm going to close my eyes and catch a twenty-minute induced coma. And my arm is falling off.
(Scott) We're locked on the Isotope signal?
(Joe) Popped out of the socket when I tried to answer the phone.
(Scott) Why do people answer pay phones on TV?
(Scott) I'm sure no one does this in real life.
(Scott) Gradenko on the move.
(Joe) Could be good ol' fashioned bones-in-a-coffin masturbatory spycraft.
(Scott) And, spirited away . . .
(Joe) Left turns, etc.
(Joe) Why would there be a secondary channel?
(Scott) Lost the signal . . .
(Joe) And why would it be off?
(Joe) Behind you!
(Scott) If he can just turn it off, it's not a good transmitter.
(Scott) It's a bomb?
(Scott) Another arm cutting. Eat on that Chase.
(Scott) Blood trail.
(Scott) There are some crumbs heading that way . . .
(Joe) Oh, Luke Wilson. Have you no dignity? At long last, have you left no sense of dignity?
(Joe) Or decency.

2007-04-02T20:23:00.000-05:00

(Scott) The Vice President has a large face.
(Scott) Traditionally
(Scott) 9:24
(Joe) 09:24:39
(Scott) Milo, can you fix my computer? I'll just stand over here.
(Scott) It's not as if there is any way Milo couldn't have seen this.
(Joe) Little Ricky: I LOVE religion!
(Scott) Ricky Schroder quoting the prophet? This can't be good.
(Joe) 'I can't get enough! Zoroaster bless you!'
(Joe) Why is Milo wearing a summer camp t-shirt?
(Scott) Just running some datasets. Nothing strange . . .
(Joe) Oh, right. Gun battle.
(Scott) Isn't Jack Bauer still on the show?
(Scott) Oh, geez . . .
(Scott) More Karen/Bill treacle.
(Joe) Surnow: A 'lady politician' is too emotional to keep it together during crisises.
(Scott) The Attorney General has drawn up immunity agreements while presiding over 25 amendment proceedings. And in under 30 minutes.
(Joe) I will set your beard on fire and use it to burn out your urethra.
(Scott) He's much better than the real AG.
(Scott) The Supreme court has instructions in under five minutes?
(Joe) The 25th amendment: The official amendment of 24. "Hi, I'm Mike Novick. You might remember me from such episodes as 'Season Two, Episode Three...."
(Scott) This doesn't sound like the speed of a group geriatrics.
(Scott) They should definitely bring Novick back on the show.
(Scott) She's coming on to him.
(Scott) Oh no, just offering perjured testimony.
(Scott) So you can do what's right for this country . . . starting World War 3, of course.
(Scott) The Vice President gets a door, but not the president?
(Scott) Conversations are recorded?
(Scott) Lennox is dead man.
(Joe) Tom Lennox should just use the thing in front of the Supreme Court. Or at least take some Secret Service members. He's definitely going to get an ashtray to the head.

2007-04-02T20:19:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Any comments about Slim Fast advertising on 24?
(Scott) I notice Hardees isn't advertising their stroke burgers anymore.
(Scott) Followed by a Charlie Sheen commercial, and then a gardening expose?
(Scott) The demographics may not be what I was thinking for this show.
(Scott) Youtube, the TV show?
(Joe) 09:13:37
(Scott) 9:13
(Scott) Seriously Milo, trying to save the world . . .
(Joe) Shouldn't these people have 5 o'clock shadows? Or rather, 9 o'clock shadows?
(Scott) Nadia?
(Joe) Is little Ricky Shroeder allowed to have girls in his room?
(Scott) Or were you thinking of someone else?
(Joe) "I know we got off to a kinda bad start."
(Scott) Little Ricky has 5 o'clock shadow.
(Scott) The management of CTU is just terrible.
(Scott) Rat on Milo or he gets arrested . . .
(Scott) Oh, the consitution doesn't allow the president to fire the Vice President? Is that true?
(Joe) 'I will call the Attorney General right now and he will draft a document compelling you to check his computer.'
(Scott) Didn't Nixon fire a VP or two?
(Scott) I guess technically the Vice President is elected.
(Joe) Yeah. More than a few. Well, Agnew resigned at least.
(Scott) Hey, they brought back the cabinet monitors.
(Scott) The vote is 7-7
(Joe) The most exciting cabinet meetings in TV history.
(Joe) "Ah, ah, ah! No take-backs."
(Scott) If this thing is invalid, can someone just put me back in the coma again?
(Joe) What? Like no cabinet members would change their mind after the crazy machinations.
(Scott) Hah, the Supreme court is going to meet in an hour.
(Scott) No time for legal preparations.
(Joe) Yeah, I sense an assasination attempt on Daniels by Palmer.

2007-04-02T20:05:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Prison Break is definitely the lost Dickens novel.
(Scott) Internet problems tonight
(Scott) 24 Season 6 - Episode 16ish
(Scott) The following takes place between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM
(Scott) Wayne Palmer trying to emulate FDR. Get me a monocle, stat!
(Scott) He wants a shot of adrenaline? Is that even helpful for this sort of thing?
(Scott) Hey, another 25 amendment challenge from the vice president. They should have this law down pretty good by now.
(Scott) Can't Palmer just fire the Vice President?
(Scott) Heh, the doctor had to induce a temporary coma. Five hours seemed to have worked ok.
(Joe) Then why can't he just fire all the cabinet members that disagree?
(Scott) I think he could, actually.
(Scott) This strikes me as a class president debate.
(Joe) And a monocle would help. And a 'nurse'.
(Scott) If you vote for me, I'll see that we get real cheese on Pizza Day.
(Scott) And no homework on Fridays!
(Joe) "... respond to the attack with nothing..."
(Scott) Lennox is auditioning for a game show host role.
(Joe) (That is, respond to the bomb not exploding but skidding across a parking lot...)

2007-03-26T20:58:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Tonight on the news, couple loses film from their honeymoon. Also, we spend 80 seconds on kooky world news.
(Scott) They race goats in whatever country this is.
(Joe) I'm going to start a new show with, uh, Donald Sutherland and call it 365, where every episode is a day and the season lasts for seven years.
(Scott) Ooh, good idea.
(Joe) And it's not going to suck ass.
(Scott) It will still suck ass.
(Scott) Oh, my lord . . .
(Joe) Think we can count on Donald Sutherland for seven years? He might bolt for his movie career.

2007-03-26T20:33:00.002-05:00

(Scott) Hopefully it's O-negative.
(Scott) Seriously, according to ATT's own math, they drop nearly 1.2 million calls daily.
(Scott) .01 percent failure rate.
(Joe) Ricky: "Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say."
(Scott) I may have missed that last statement, Joe.
(Scott) This software is awesome.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Tiny fuel-efficient coupes.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Drive
(Scott) 8:38
(Joe) 08:38:59
(Scott) 8:39:25
(Scott) Uncle Bill sits down for a heart to heart..
(Joe) I'd think there's going to be some uncomfortable moments in the office.
(Scott) I order you not to take legal action.
(Scott) It's not like it's the first time they've tortured somebody and asked them to stay and finish out their shift.
(Joe) He's 'setting up your workstation'. It will reek of Altoids.
(Joe) Is it more like 'scoliosis in elementary school' or 'snitch in gen-pop'?
(Joe) We'll find out.
(Scott) 1. sell her out as a terrorist. 2. Force yourself on her. 3. Children.
(Joe) "I just wanted to say 'I'm sorry.'" ... for my unfortunate facial hair.
(Joe) "I just wanted to say 'I'm sorry.'" like I apologized to Morris.
(Scott) Intracranial swelling.
(Joe) Where were all of those people before?
(Joe) "Will it hurt?" "No, I promise."
(Joe) "I'm a keen expert on what hurts."
(Scott) Brady is definitely getting shot, leading to a rage driven killing spree by Jack.
(Joe) I carry around a Wong-Baker faces diagram with me at all times.
(Scott) You're hurting me. No, I'm not.
(Scott) Tranquilizer dart? What is he, a cheetah?
(Scott) The sniper is hiding in incredibly plain sight.
(Joe) "Windows are tinted. I can't see who'
(Joe) "Windows are tinted. I can't see who's inside."
(Joe) Don't they have like infrared goggles and stuff?
(Joe) Yeah, there.
(Joe) Stupid Brady's going to blow it at the last minute.
(Joe) Has he heard all of that?
(Joe) (C'mon, I'm totally setting you up on that one.)
(Joe) It's his father!
(Scott) Third hostile . . .
(Scott) It's much harder to bring down this Brady than the Boston one.
(Joe) He totally fell like James Cromwell.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: BOYFRIEND PANTS
(Joe) And a dance number at that.
(Scott) Seriously, you will never take off from a dead stop with 10,000 pounds. Never.
(Scott) It's not going to happen.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Unprobable truck acrobatics.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: The Riches
(Scott) You just need something large enough for golf clubs and a child seat.
(Joe) Who plays Professor Keenbean in this version?
(Scott) It's more of a mystery what killed Oswald than what killed Ana Nicole Smith.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Minivans.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Artists and bohemians.
(Scott) Hubris, of course, is what killed Oswald.
(Joe) And Jack Ruby.
(Scott) Jack "Hubris" Ruby
(Joe) And Cuban-CIA interests.
(Scott) And a bad childhood.
(Joe) 'Hubris' also means a giant hole in the abdomen.
(Joe) Apparently.
(Joe) 08:53:59
(Scott) 8:53
(Joe) "The guys are going to look after you."
(Joe) "You did great." Best partner I had since Tony Almeda.
(Joe) Well, the best one still alive. They die a lot.
(Scott) Jack no longer has to act like he any longer has feelings.
(Scott) Back to killing.
(Joe) Gradenko is... his uncle!
(Joe) Why is he leaving himself in biting distance?
(Scott) Jack's neck is made of thorns.
(Joe) Shouldn't he be trained in anti-de-jugularification tactics?
(Scott) Gradenko is about to get a pardon.
(Joe) "Make the call."
(Joe) Aw, crap. Amnesty!
(Scott) Fax from the attorney general.
(Joe) Seriously, this is just the worst.
(Joe) The show has officially jumped the shark. I'm calling it.
(Joe) Stick a fork in it, Jerry; it's done.
(Scott) Really, this bothers you, and not the previous 6 and a half season?
(Scott) He bit a man to death just twelve hours ago.
(Scott) What is this noise?
(Scott) Someone is dialing in on a modem?
(Scott) Palmer calling to fire the Vice President from the grave.
(Scott) He was only in a coma for two hours . . .
(Joe) Don't they know? That's like MacGyver getting himself out of a prison on eight different shows by taking the springs off a bed and using it as a slingshot.
(Joe) Well, the Attorney General is pretty busy right now.
(Scott) Another vote to oust the president. Better get the array of monitors.
(Joe) He's running a little cottage industry granting friggin' amnesty to everyone terrorist he hears about.

2007-03-26T20:33:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Seriously, you're just driving to work. You're not going to be hauling a ton of shit around.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Big, burly trucks.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsdale getting murdered.
(Scott) You really don't need anything larger than a Yugo.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Taxes.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: DIET Dr. Pepper.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Being smarter than a fifth grader.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Whiny nerd phone sales.
(Scott) The promo for this smarter than a fifth grader is boast of a contestant who is making show history. This show's been on for a week, right?
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Free Chevrolet vehicles. BOGO
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: henpecked husbands who enjoy pizza
(Scott) I don't understand cell phones at all.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Rollover minutes. And looped audio.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Bones.
(Scott) Minutes in the trash. Apparently they come with an unlikeable
(Joe) 08:28:27
(Scott) Minutes in the trash. Apparently they come with an unlikeable family
(Scott) 8:28
(Scott) Tom Brady?
(Joe) That guy killed a bunch of people on CSI.
(Scott) Nah, he probably throws btter.
(Joe) That's the most soothing Jack Bauer has ever been.
(Scott) Jack hasn't smiled in three years.
(Scott) It probably hurt worse than prison.
(Joe) Reference to Mark Duper.
(Scott) We're going to find out that Brady was born on the day that Edgar died.
(Joe) Wikipedia: "Duper legally changed his name to 'Mark Super Duper' later in his career. "
(Joe) The protocols will default.
(Scott) He carried Marino
(Joe) And that would, you know, totally suck for you.
(Scott) If the protocols reset to default, wouldn't he know what that is?
(Scott) password123
(Scott) This guy isn't human.
(Joe) Then you wouldn't know if 'Flank Two' means 'I'm in hiding' or 'Shoot everyone'.
(Scott) He walks like a robot.
(Joe) At the switching station? Bah
(Scott) This guy is Iago, right?
(Joe) I was too drunk to log it in.
(Scott) He gave it to the drunk guy 10 minutes ago.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder just looks rough.
(Joe) "It was so important I sought out the guy who armed all the nuclear weapons today."
(Joe) "You screwed with the wrong guy for the last time now." That was uncomfortable phrasing.
(Scott) River of blood . . .

2007-03-26T20:12:00.000-05:00

(Scott) A gun in her leg, eh?
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Ellen Degeneres
(Scott) And then killing people with rotor blades
(Joe) Commercial for 24 fans: Win, Lose or Draw
(Scott) 8:14
(Joe) 08:14:40
(Joe) Regina King.
(Scott) Wayne Palmer, who will be saved by Karen's suggestion to just bring him back to life.
(Scott) Karen will also go down in history for her suggestion that we just go ahead and cure cancer.
(Scott) Also, everyone should get along.
(Joe) I need to scrape his skin off his skeleton and have someone walk around in his flesh-suit and run the country. Can you do this?
(Joe) As close as I seem to be to my brother's National Security Advisor....
(Scott) What Would Wayne Do. WWWD
(Joe) "If you do this, you can run CTU Los Angeles. I'll have the Attorney General draft something right now."
(Scott) Made our point.
(Joe) 300 kilotons? Big. Back in my day we worked with 40, tops.
(Scott) In fewer than 30 seconds, they've brought the president out of a coma and sent a message to the Lost bunker?
(Scott) Pentebarital drip? Are they trying to ensure that he's telling the truth?
(Scott) I will compel the hell out of you if you don't stop.
(Joe) Boy, he must be a South Pole elf.
(Joe) Sodium barbitol
(Scott) In 24 land, wearing a helmet is like the opposite of protection.
(Joe) vs. phenobarbital
(Scott) Just a matter of a few grains of salt.
(Joe) Do whatever you have to do to stabilize hi,
(Joe) m.
(Scott) We have to get him to a hospital! No? Ok, sure.
(Joe) Great. This is going to be a great scene.
(Scott) You're not a real cop. You're just some guy from a Chinese prison.
(Joe) He'll feel bad if he has to pull out his lung to get him to talk.
(Scott) IBC firewall to set up a proxy server port.
(Joe) Was the crying-trash-hating-native-american on Fox News in the background.
(Scott) Hauser's brother is like Edgar, but with personality.
(Scott) On loan from district.
(Joe) Only Edgar can't crap himself and teach a life lesson at the same time.
(Scott) Milo's shirt has a crab emblem.
(Joe) 08:24:08

2007-03-26T19:36:00.000-05:00

(Joe) Unbelievable Prison Break. This is only serving to train our children to shoot people on sight and not talking them to death first.
(Scott) You'd think they would have learned from watching people not kill Jack Bauer.
(Scott) According to Verizon's ad about their reliability, they fail on almost 1.2 million calls everyday.
(Scott) T-bag looks like he's late for class on the first day of school.
(Joe) Step One: Buy a dinghy and some paint...
(Joe) First the cut was small... then it got red... then it started to smell... then it turned black... The doctor said it might be infected.
(Scott) Bathe in neosporin, or your child will not live out the year.
(Joe) After only one drink, your ability to find a drone decreases by 100 yards...
(Joe) He's 'fighting' a stall.
(Joe) (Did you see him straining against the joystick. Priceless.)
(Scott) More radiation poisoning . . . this really is season two all over again.
(Scott) It was one of the joysticks that gives the physical feedback
(Scott) Seems like a poor choice.
(Joe) Go through their databases.
(Scott) The following takes place between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM.
(Scott) Looking for Grandenko to prevent a trigger-happy president.
(Joe) Can't terrorists take some tips off Marwan. Armani, mock turtlenecks, etc.
(Scott) Gradenko and the other guy are hiding in a storage bin?
(Joe) These guys look like boxcar hobos.
(Joe) I HAVE THE BOMBS!
(Scott) This is going to turn out to be like one of those buddy terrorist movies.
(Scott) They'll learn to get along when they realize that both of them have a love for destroying civilization.
(Joe) I'm the only one who can give you the targets you want: (a.k.a., Nancy Pelosi's district.)
(Scott) I doubt that arms dealers offer much in the way of money-back guarantees.
(Joe) Gradenko is clearly not Tango.
(Scott) New plot point . . .
(Scott) What have we dropped so far?
(Joe) "I need you to access some files from my office."
(Scott) He's going to access files from the office mainframe?
(Scott) There are a lot more mainframes on 24 than I've worked with in the last 10 years.
(Joe) Transferred to a holding station?
(Scott) Why can't Milo wear his watch like a standup guy?
(Scott) Houser?
(Scott) The call was scrambled . . .
(Joe) "Unfortunately the call was scrambled."
(Scott) Remote access module.
(Scott) Nadia did install spyware!
(Scott) Stupid flight simulator games.
(Scott) Ricky Schroder is going to learn a valuable lesson from all of this.
(Joe) Okay, one of the radical websites Nadia was monitoring triggered the specialty hardware. Yeah, sounds believable to me. But then again, I'm Hauser's brother.
(Scott) Bunch of guys with helmets on the move. Casualties to follow.
(Scott) By the way every programmer I've know is just like Houser's brother.
(Scott) Some are better spoken.
(Joe) Commercial for 24 viewers: Ladies shorts.

2007-03-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

(Scott) Struggle between good and evil in a post modern reality?
(Scott) Disturbia looks ridiculous.
(Joe) Is that a fancy way of saying Rear Window-ripoff?
(Scott) Yeah, I guess so.
(Joe) The Riches. Later.
(Scott) I already don't believe anything that happens in that movie..
(Joe) Where's George, Osama?
(Scott) They were referring to the defunct magazine, of course.
(Joe) Disturbia will have a 'we ran out of money so let's edit some crap together' "surprise" ending.
(Joe) Right-o. Cindy Crawford as the Founding Fathers
(Joe) Not as consistent as the Oprah Magazine covers.
(Scott) He's a ghost in a world of zombies!
(Scott) 7:50.
(Scott) PM
(Scott) What is that number in the lower left of his screen?
(Scott) Inches to go?
(Joe) "The drone is approaching the city. I can see where Full House was filmed."
(Scott) Rear, and to the left.
(Scott) Rear, and to the left . . .
(Joe) "Also, Nash Bridges. I loved that Cheech Marin growing up in my breakaway republic."
(Scott) Security guard . . . dead.
(Scott) Autocad?
(Scott) Jack is a killing machine.
(Scott) And he's going to have to land the drone?
(Joe) He's behind in the kill count.
(Joe) Then why the hell are they there?
(Scott) He can steer the drone though, right?
(Joe) What?
(Scott) Ha! Don't make the drone stall.
(Joe) Alcatraz is no more.
(Scott) They're just trying to make a video game out of this.
(Joe) Land it?
(Scott) The monitors Jack is using are clearly out of 1952.
(Joe) Try to get it in a scenic area. Where we can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
(Joe) ... or wherever Chinatown is. I need to take out Chinatown.
(Scott) That was a terrible choice to land . . .
(Scott) That was a terrible choice to land . . .
(Joe) That is the least spectacular action sequence I've ever seen.
(Scott) Put it where there are lots of obstacles for it to hit.
(Scott) A fire and rescue unit is one the scene. They may not know what they're getting into.
(Joe) Don't let the plane catch on fire. There are conventional explosives, you big dummies.
(Scott) They carry a geiger counter? Homeland security pork barrel spending to the rescue.
(Scott) They carry a geiger counter? Homeland security pork barrel spending to the rescue.
(Scott) Hazmat probably isn't equipped for nuclear weapons.
(Scott) Dirty bomb
(Joe) I'm surprised the San Francisco emergency teams didn't trade in the Geiger counters for rain sticks.
(Joe) Or 'really trippy sandals'.
(Joe) God-damned hippies.
(Joe) "Proceed with the warning strike as planned."
(Scott) Warning strike . . . no, I mean liberation explosion.
(Joe) Check his campaign contributions for money from Big Glass.
(Scott) Secretary Cannon? Seriously?
(Joe) 08:00. Everyone at CTU should be leaving to watch American Idol.

2007-03-19T20:34:00.000-05:00

(Scott) This will ensure Pete Wilson's comeback.
(Joe) She has a machine gun leg.
(Joe) A. Machine. Gun. Leg.
(Scott) I once knew a girl with a glass eye.
(Joe) Clare Danes has a glass eye?
(Scott) Kind of cute, but had trouble going to the right.
(Scott) Running of the Bears . . .
(Scott) Running of the Ebola would be worse, I think.
(Joe) Running of the Dysentery.
(Joe) Yeah, Ebola wins.
(Scott) Heh, running of the dysentery.
(Joe) So I learned while in Namibia while playing Rock, Ebola, Malaria
(Scott) 7:39.
(Scott) 15 ccs of something. 2 would be a ridiculously small amount.
(Joe) "He's a fighter."
(Joe) I liked it when the President was sickly. Like FDR.
(Scott) Heh, is there anyway that you can bring the president back to consciousness?
(Joe) We should try that. Bah-dum-bum.
(Scott) I need to speak with him. Or I could just use a medium.
(Scott) What's that? Knocking?
(Joe) Is she going in there and plugging machines back in?
(Joe) Whew.
(Joe) I'll need four candles and some dog blood.
(Joe) STATIC IN THE LINE
(Scott) If only Nadia could show Ricky Schroeder how she can dance.
(Joe) I will leave a restaurant without paying the bill. Do you hear me? Without paying the bill.
(Joe) Like what Mel Gibson did at Fort Wilderness.
(Joe) Wouldn't she have a black diplomatic passport still?
(Joe) Where have I been?
(Scott) Lockdowns, protocols, perimeters . . .
(Scott) Put me on the team coach. I can still do it!
(Joe) I'll need a PDA and a phone. Make sure the phone can blow up the PDA and vice-versa.
(Joe) I'll need a PDA and a phone. Make sure the phone can blow up the PDA and vice-versa.
(Scott) Seriously, this guy is trying to be tough: http://imdb.com/gallery/mptv/1060/Mptv/1060/11065-0006.jpg.html
(Joe) Guess what the 24 movie will be about?
(Scott) Also, Buchanan is a mole . . .

2007-03-19T20:24:00.002-05:00

(Scott) Does a bear shit in the woods?
(Joe) I've got syphillis.
(Joe) That's probably better in context.
(Scott) Or does syphillis have you?
(Scott) I'm pretty sure the whole concept defies context.
(Joe) Nice grafitti'd laptop.
(Joe) Best Domino's Pizza commercial since Avoid the Noid swept the nation.
(Scott) Better than Bad Andy?
(Scott) I'm much smarter than a 5th grader, and I can kick his ass too.
(Scott) 7:28
(Joe) Next: Jeff Foxworthy hosts 'Drive into a Convenience Store'.
(Scott) A reverse status what on the intel?
(Scott) More nonsense with Morris and his drunkeness.
(Joe) "Just checking your breath."
(Scott) Seriously, 24 should avoid intentional humor.
(Scott) Humour.
(Scott) Bile
(Joe) "Tom, you know this insane."
(Scott) Foreign desert, actually. Mostly sand. Very little actual soil.
(Joe) You had better pray that CTU can find and stop that drone.
(Joe) Also, in case you're paying attention, Jack is probably using the bathroom and eating right now.
(Scott) The drone can avoid the satellite by manuevering?
(Scott) Is satellite coverage 100 x 100 meters?
(Scott) metres
(Joe) Ricky Schroeder is old.
(Scott) More Milo v. Ricky.
(Joe) Reboot CTU's mainframe?
(Joe) What?
(Joe) They have a giant monolithic mainframe?
(Scott) Nadia is innocent. She just installed some spyware.
(Scott) Nadia is innocent. She just installed some spyware.
(Joe) So, are they going to take her to the room with the needles and car batteries and such?
(Scott) Large spinny tapes.
(Scott) Yep, not other possible plot, I think.
(Scott) Or better yet, drunk uncle Morris accidentally leaked the information.
(Joe) Ha! San Francisco.

2007-03-19T20:24:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Yep. Nothing funny so far.
(Scott) You posting?
(Scott) I was going for inciteful.
(Scott) Insightful?
(Scott) Yeah, insightful
(Joe) Although, why was it Drone oh-seven-zero-nine? They have four.
(Scott) Base 709.
(Joe) As in, "Launch drone 0709!"
(Scott) 7:15
(Scott) A finite number of topics on the West coast. Exactly 15.
(Joe) Gotta be San Francisco.
(Joe) Others have desert approaches.
(Scott) Buchanan is trying to look tough for Jack.
(Joe) It disappeared? Does Morris smell like Altoids?
(Scott) Jack will hurt Ricky Schroeder soon . . . guaranteed.
(Joe) "Boy, you wouldn't believe how many heartfelt moments I've had standing right here."
(Scott) People pick the worst time for these moments.
(Scott) Jack throws in a bit of exposition.
(Joe) Are you talking about Audrey Raines? You don't know, do you?"
(Scott) I'm going to see what happens with this other chick. If that doesn't go well, maybe you and I can hook up.
(Joe) "Audrey's dead."
(Joe) And/or on a new show.
(Scott) She died choking on a fortune cookie . . . oh, the irony.
(Joe) "I have to go. Independently verify it and all. You've heard about Nina, I'm sure."
(Joe) "I want that file!"
(Joe) She died while driving an American car. Those things are death traps.
(Scott) Jack is definitely kicking some train riding CTU agent ass.
(Scott) Clearly the new president has a history with Karen.
(Joe) No, Karen, I tripped over your ineptitude. Hilarious.
(Joe) Also, stupidwhoresayswhat?
(Scott) Back in the Lost bunker. I think we should go after the others with everything we've got! But what about the polar bears?
(Joe) Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.
(Joe) "That is the fiction they hide behind."
(Scott) The fiction they hide behind. Like so much Jane Austen
(Scott) A warning shot?
(Joe) A warning shot?
(Scott) So like just over a peninsula?
(Scott) This just makes no sense . . .
(Joe) Who cares about the Chinese or Russians anyway...
(Scott) The Chinese and Russians will just take it as an opportunity to strike Chechnya and Tawain.
(Joe) Dangerous and reckless, blah blah blah.
(Joe) Okay, who's next in line.
(Scott) The French will be in Algeria by nightfall.
(Scott) The Belgians will be back in the Congo.
(Joe) 07:24
(Scott) The British will rediscover their love for curry.
(Joe) The Secretary of Veteran's Affairs. On the phone. And get the Attorney General. He better have plenty of fax paper.

2007-03-19T20:12:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Is this thing on?
(Scott) Possible internet issues tonight. We'll see how it goes.
(Scott) Why did he need a tattoo to remember the name of a ship?
(Scott) 617 was to open a cheap lock? Couldn't he just hide a key under a nearby rock?
(Scott) 24 - Season 6: Episode 14
(Scott) View discretion is advised. For example, don't go for those teaser rate mortgages. They're probably not a good idea.
(Scott) The following takes place between 7:00 PM and 8:00 PM.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder bears some resemblance to a clean cut John Denver.
(Scott) Drones in the valley.
(Scott) Only one drone is armed. The terrorists are taking eons in 24 time.
(Scott) It took them less time to find an engineer.
(Scott) Jack could have flown a helicopter to China before they finish arming the drones.
(Scott) Evasion tactics aren't finished.
(Scott) Everything is slow on 24 suddenly. They can't reposition satellites in under 30 seconds?
(Scott) Milo putting on the moves . . .
(Scott) On Nah-Dea
(Scott) Not sure, but I think Milo is wearing a one world government t-shirt. Someone may want to look into that.
(Scott) Specs on the R2Q. Low profile design.
(Scott) Nadia Yasser.
(Scott) The drone is gone.
(Scott) CTU is hacked . . . again . . . And this time not even from the server room.
(Scott) How can they hack the system so that a particular thing will not appear on a satellite feed?
(Scott) A trigger happy president going to war against all logic? I'm not sure I buy that . . .
(Joe) Yeah, nuts.
(Scott) You posting?

2007-03-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

(Joe) A cross between Groundhog Day and Déjá Vu.
(Scott) Is this thing on?
(Joe) Why are they doing this? I should be given a medal.
(Scott) This music is straight from Men in Black.
(Joe) "I hope I don't have to write anything down."
(Scott) Anya, I have this crazy plan . . .
(Scott) Someone is in the room with Anya . . .
(Joe) "Remember the last time you were here? With the assassination attempt and all? Yeah, good times."
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder just doesn't look good at all.
(Joe) I'm missing a finger. A finger! My cocaine finger, even!
(Scott) Yet another breakaway Russian republic. This time in LA.
(Joe) The United States of America has the support of the Russian state in this matter.
(Scott) I recommend that you pipe in knockout gas.
(Scott) I'm not sure knockout translates directly. I mean, poison gas.
(Joe) Wilem Dafoe will certainly die.
(Scott) Ricky Schroeder's dad is just spoiling him with the toys at this point.
(Joe) "Out of bullets. Better warm up my bitin' muscles."
(Joe) "I'm Mike Doyle!"
(Scott) How long before Bauer no longer appear hurt?
(Scott) I give him until early next episode.
(Joe) "The drone is ready to launch. Arm the bomb."
(Scott) Logan bores himself into a coma.
(Scott) And that's the show.
(Joe) "I will haunt you all! Mwahhahhahha!

2007-03-12T20:45:00.000-05:00

So, is Kommenter or scholardesk responsible for my posts being lost?

2007-03-12T20:39:00.000-05:00

(Joe) The ventriloquust who was buried with her doll collection... but they didn't stay dead!
(Joe) Pretty horsies in a field. (Diamond Mafia)
(Joe) Justin Timberlake (Verizon)
(Joe) Cars. Better. (Lincoln/Mercury)
(Joe) (Apple)
(Joe) The greatest movie of 2006. (Casino Royale)
(Joe) Bones.
(Scott) 6:42
(Scott) Box truck!
(Scott) They must have a whole fleet of old bread trucks.
(Joe) "How far are you away from the consulate?" 150 miles. We'll be there in, uh, ten minutes.
(Joe) He's the President of the United States. He needs the bureaucrat to confirm the story?
(Joe) "I say it is, and I'm willing to bet you I'm right."
(Joe) Of course Surnow would love this President.
(Joe) In this world, that means more than the second-string National Guardsmen in Bradleys and flak jackets that can actually deploy somewhere.
(Joe) Out, damned spot!
(Scott) It was all a ruse.
(Scott) Lennox is about to sell out.
(Scott) I'll bet you I'm right. 7 card stud for who gets to bomb whom.
(Joe) I put up with you that week you thought my genitals needed to be punched repeatedly to save the world.
(Joe) She'll lose some blood soon.
(Joe) She's very luck to have you. I especially liked how you brought down my Presidency.
(Joe) Aaron totally wanted to take those kiwi fruit/ice in the chest.
(Joe) Maybe don't pull it out.
(Joe) Listen, you're a Secret Service agent. Those guys know more about stabilizing people than most EMTs.

2007-03-12T20:36:00.001-05:00

(Scott) Logan has forgotten that he's indecisive.
(Scott) In the midst of a manhunt, she's making copies?
(Joe) Jack Bauer's going to use up all the toilet paper! He must be stopped.
(Scott) Don't be scared. I'll shoot you below the knee. You'll still be able to walk.
(Joe) Shots of ancient Cold War era equipment. We get it. Reagan didn't win the Cold War, he fumbled though it. You made your point
(Scott) Cold, ice cold.
(Scott) I believe Aaron lost some weight.
(Joe) ... if you know what I mean.
(Joe) "Wait, I have a daughter?"
(Joe) She's funny that way.
(Scott) Hey
(Scott) She just noticed.
(Scott) Or was she talking about Logan?
(Joe) Logan.
(Joe) "You look beautiful." 'Of course, I'm dressed like Steve Jobs you sicko.'
(Scott) Check out my huge wrist watch,
(Scott) You know what they say about a man with a large watch . . .
(Joe) When I say 'prison', I mean a 10,000 square foot...
(Scott) Large hands.
(Joe) Damn, she's uncanny. Probably psychic.
(Scott) She called the weight loss. Just on the wrong person.
(Joe) "I need a drink." Anyone have any mints?
(Joe) 06:37:37

2007-03-12T20:25:00.002-05:00

(Scott) Oh good. I come back and they're not on the TV anymore.
(Joe) Cross between Prison Break and 24. Perfect.
(Joe) ("Shooter")
(Joe) Eating meat. Great. ("KFC")
(Joe) Pretty dresses. What the hell? ("Old Navy")
(Scott) I don't think this flower petal commercial fits well with the typical 24 audiencec.
(Joe) Artists/surfers/women bowlers? (Verizon)
(Joe) Cars. Back to respectability. (Ford)
(Scott) That guy is friggin huge.
(Joe) Giants. (Verizon)
(Joe) But she was bragging about her shoes. That's gonna cost them.
(Scott) 6:31
(Scott) Do you know where your CTU agent is?
(Joe) Overly excited people singing pop hits. Definitely not the 24-demographic.

2007-03-12T20:25:00.001-05:00

(Joe) My guess is that the Blackjack has more street cred than the Sync.
(Joe) F2: Flank two.
(Scott) 6:20
(Joe) 06:20:27
(Scott) The terrorists have been at this airport for longer than anyone has been anywhere on 24.
(Joe) "That's about as likely as a terrorist knocking on my door and surrendering."
(Scott) He doesn't actually have a door, oddly enough.
(Joe) I'm aware that attacking a nuclear state is 'sticky', but we've got a whole team ready. A whole team, Mr. President.
(Scott) Just put me on the team coach
(Joe) I brought those cookies you like. I cut out the eyes of the keebler elves, just like you want them.
(Joe) I stopped by Mel's!
(Scott) You shouldn't be outside with all of the ladybugs outside. Ladybugs! Ladybugs!
(Joe) Alice, pick it up!
(Scott) Holy crap, that's a giant pear!
(Joe) "Martha Logan's bungalow."
(Joe) Charles? Manson? No, Logan.
(Scott) Eight ball speaking.
(Joe) "I no longer have to tolerate your sarcasm."
(Joe) And your thinly-veiled racism.
(Scott) I'm already substantially more bored with these people on screen.
(Joe) Lot of wine glasses for a bungalow for the persistently depressed.
(Scott) Ok, I'm going to go get a beer. Back in a minute.
(Joe) I'll meet you secretly, Charles. Wear that tie I bought you.
(Joe) 06:26:40

2007-03-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

(Scott) House? What the hell? Where's Prison Break?
(Joe) Big episode last week. No Prison Break.
(Scott) 24 - season 6, episode 13
(Joe) And yes, Aaron and Lady MacBeth found each other.
(Scott) The following takes place between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM
(Scott) Quitin' time?
(Joe) Yeah, Morris is definitely going to be watching the clock at CTU.
(Scott) Morris is to three buttons down drunk.
(Joe) How is it still a secret that Logan is a traitor? They live in Los Angeles.
(Scott) Chloe in yet another awkward moment.
(Scott) CTU has a standard procedure for someone under house arrest?
(Joe) Fort Bragg?
(Scott) That must be flank 8
(Joe) If he mentions 'that he can't find any good barbeque', I'll scream.
(Joe) As Soon As Possible
(Scott) Wow, Ricky Schroeder looks like adolescence wasn't kind to him.
(Joe) It's code.
(Joe) First order of business. Lay some track from the kitchen to the staircase.
(Scott) Milo and Ricky don't like each other, but they'll be friends when they see each others dancing skills.
(Scott) Vladamir Putin's cousin should be more shoot happy.
(Scott) Jack learned how to remove a man's belt that fast in his Navy years.
(Scott) Stupid containers
(Scott) These people are no better at searching than CTU agents
(Joe) Russians don't know volume very well. They fall for that graduated cylinder of water/beaker of water thing every time.
(Scott) Did he just say to shut down the DSL?
(Scott) Morris - So drunk he can't hear.
(Joe) In Russia, the phones call you!
(Joe) Morris just 'got a call from Jack'. Daniels.
(Scott) Is it procedure to leave the director of CTU's computer in with a guy under house arrest?
(Joe) If he hears from Johnny Walker, let me know.
(Joe) No, you misunderstood. When I say Red Tape, I mean ripping out some commie tongues.
(Scott) I know, I can help with an incredibly unlikely scheme that will bring in another character from last season.
(Joe) I think I can get through to her.
(Joe) "Wooo, I'm your subconscious!"
(Scott) Your crazy wife will talk to the Russian's wife? That's so crazy it just might work.
(Joe) Wow, a Jack Bauer-style CTU bureaucrat.
(Scott) I only want to choke Morris once.
(Joe) The only reason you're not redundantly logging in is that I don't want to carry you.
(Scott) Or I only want to make a pretentious speech once.
(Scott) Morris, down to four buttons now.
(Joe) Gage Whitney.
(Scott) They couldn't get Fred Thompson to play the VP?
(Joe) He's too conservative for Surnow.
(Joe) Pro gun, pro life, pro overturning Roe v. Wade.
(Scott) I don't think the Vice President really gets this involved in these details.
(Scott) Pro-surge
(Scott) McCain, without all of the reform.
(Joe) I agree. "We gotta keep those supermarkets opening! Where are my scissors?!"
(Scott) I doubt Cheney has ever cut a ribbon.
(Scott) He hired a contractor to have it strafed.
(Joe) If you consider the Watergate tapes 'ribbons'...
(Scott) Seriously, the Lost bunker.
(Scott) Do not forget to press the keys.
(Joe) 06:15:57

2007-03-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

So, I guess that's the show. What's this? Ricky Schroeder next week? And Logan's wife? I guess we get to drop some story lines soon.

2007-03-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

5:54

-The Vice President addresses the nation . . .
-No more habeus corpus for you. Not that we're removing it, you just never had it.
-Morris is picking up the shadow of their messages? I don't think I heard that quite right.
-Ooh, Buchanan is going to raid the consulate?
-The guy who's guarding Jack was clearly cast from his likeness to Alexander Litvinenko.
-The Russian guard is definitely getting shot.
-He has one of those ear pieces and a phone?
-Yeah, and shot . . .
-By a guy who looks like Putin's uncle . . .

2007-03-05T21:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, so Joe had to leave to catch the rest of the My Little Pony marathon on Nickelodeon. So, we're back to posting the old way for the rest of the hour . . .

5:43

-I can't believe we're only half way through at this point . . .
-The Vice President has inherited the Lost bunker for himself.
-Karen Hayes is "back in play"
-She left to be back in LA with her husband, but she returned when she realized that she couldn't get that far before the episode was over.
-The Vice President has to deal with the lose gun Bauer acting on the wisdom of Charles Logan.
-The Russians threaten to retaliate through diplomacy . . . and poisoning. Lots of poisoning.
-How are the Russians not raiding the consulate? Surely they have gas lines pumped into every room of the embassy.
-Finger cutting . . .
-Unrealistically cautious Russians . . .
-And . . . the consulate sells out Gradenko.
-Did Jack think he was just going to walk out of the room. Not sure I get that . . .

2007-03-05T21:37:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Dave Matthews on a very special House.
(Scott) I can't express in words how much I dislike Verizon.
(Scott) I can only express my feelings for Verizon by pulling paws off of kittens.
(Joe) Fox News on a phone.
(Scott) So you're still posting?
(Joe) For some reason they haven't announced that the President was possibly offed by a terrorist.
(Scott) Who is does that person remind me of?
(Scott) Coach?
(Scott) And then there's this other guy. He looks familiar too.
(Scott) Lennox has turned himself in.
(Joe) Yes, the itinerary is the key to the whole thing.
(Scott) More tedium. Raise your hand if you care about Lennox . . .
(Scott) Hang on a second, Mr. Vice President, I need to type this code in the computer. Bad things happen if I don't.
(Joe) Are you like two seasons behind in Lost?
(Scott) I haven't seen this one.
(Scott) The first two, I've seen.
(Scott) 4 8 15 16 23 42
(Joe) The hatch dematerializes and they all get sent back home.
(Joe) 108
(Joe) Also, Jack Bauer likes Russian prisons. Better gulash.
(Scott) Excellent. Do we find out who number one is?
(Joe) Has chunks in it.
(Scott) Patrick McGoohan has been running this thing all along.
(Joe) Okay, I missed Chlow hacking into the Russian embassy's video system.
(Joe) or Chloe, whatever.
(Scott) Jack Bauer invading a consulate again.
(Scott) Was that a manual alarm?
(Scott) Oh, the power is back on.
(Joe) Let's fill the room with schoolkids followed by nerve gas.
(Scott) If only it were a theatre.

2007-03-05T21:25:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Mmm, exoskeletons.
(Joe) (Red Lobster)
(Joe) Are we not supposed to use glo-sticks?
(Joe) 05:16:30
(Scott) Since season 2, every bad thing that has happened has been a result of an inside conspiracy. It seems like eventually, that will become the default assumption.
(Scott) Vice President . . . still on Air Force 2
(Joe) Worried about the President of the United States being on the run.
(Scott) Logan is being supervised by a guy who's not really working for us. He's a crazy man, really. Bit a man to death this morning . . .
(Joe) 20 feet, eh?
(Scott) That looks like the same embassy as the Chinese one that was raided a couple of seasons ago.
(Joe) Do you want the suitcase full of cash now or later?
(Joe) It's rude to refuse a Russian offering you Cuban cigars.
(Scott) In Soviet Russia, the brief case nuclears you . . . ah, those jokes just don't work anymore.
(Scott) Logan seems substantially more substantial this year.
(Joe) Ah, the old nerve gas trick.
(Joe) He's stil doing the nodding thing.
(Scott) Perhaps your finger needs a little cutting.
(Joe) "You ever have to fish quarters out of a car seat? It's a lot harder with three-inch stubs."
(Scott) Jack is about to make his second assault on an embassy.
(Scott) Russia is exposed . . .
(Scott) Why does Gredenko have a smokestack on his walkie talkie?
(Scott) Coal powered, I think.
(Joe) Nope, I don't see any problems with invading an embassy and killing some people. Last time they shot their own guy and bang, I'm getting sodomized by the Chinese Red Army.
(Joe) 05:24:56
(Joe) McDonalds Premium Roast Coffee. Mmm, delicious.
(Scott) Ooh, McDonalds has a premium roast coffee. That means . . . absolutely nothing.

2007-03-05T20:30:00.000-05:00

(Scott) 24 - season 6. Episode 12ish.
(Scott) Just three more episodes of Prison Break? Ever?
(Scott) The following takes place between 5:00 PM and 6:00 PM
(Scott) Kind of a boring episode last week . . .
(Joe) Why not release the tape out of spite -- show that it was politically motivated and get public opinion and the House of Representatives involved.
(Joe) And the EPA.
(Joe) Except the explosion.
(Joe) And Chad Lowe's masterful performance.
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe?
(Joe) 5PM and 6PM -- Quittin' time.
(Scott) They should not make a bomb out of maple syrup. Too suspiciously sweet.
(Scott) "You'll never do anything that will erase what you've done." That's fortune cookie material.
(Joe) Jack is still mad about being arrested. And being sent to a Chinese prison.
(Joe) I feel like Jacob.
(Joe) Or Ishmael.
(Scott) Wow, it's so great to be free of my huge house and palatial garden.
(Scott) It's rough on the inside.
(Joe) Did the Chinese dungeon have a pool as big as mine?
(Scott) Palmer wounded. The EKG thing actually has a question mark on it.
(Joe) 'I should have hit enter faster.'
(Scott) Which is a step more technical than this liveblogging was a few months ago.
(Joe) He said '
(Joe) He said 'duties'.
(Scott) The line of succession has been used more in the last five years on 24 than its ever been used in the history of the presidency.
(Joe) When I get there, I want a full security briefing from Tom Lennox.
(Scott) The secretary of agriculture has been just a couple of heart beats away . . .
(Joe) Seriously, stop making excuses.
(Joe) 'Uh, Tom is talking to you right now.'
(Joe) 'He was right behind you -- you must have missed him.'
(Scott) This is definitely the Lost bunker.
(Joe) "No, we cannot kill Tom Lennox."
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe has a bizarre conscience.
(Scott) And he thinks his life is more valuable to an assasin than it really is.
(Joe) The 'you'll have to kill me too' line works better... holy crap, that worked.
(Joe) Yeah, I was talking about Muslims, not the President.
(Joe) "A guilty conscience is a smal price to pay for the survival of this country."
(Scott) This guy is far too trusting for a conspirator.
(Scott) Why is your suit all greasy?
(Scott) Lennox is a standup guy for a facist.
(Scott) Although, really, how did they not see this coming.
(Joe) Why are you coming out of the steam pipe trunk distribution venue with two guys and straightening your clothes?

2007-02-26T22:00:00.002-05:00

(Joe) Should be an awesome episode next week.
(Scott) Awesome, finger cutting next week.
(Scott) I'm out . . .

2007-02-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

Your mileage may vary (but it no longer takes 20 minutes to load!).
View LiveBlogging. Live.

Not currently working with boutique or hobby browsers such as IE or Opera . . .

2007-02-26T21:59:00.001-05:00

(Scott) So, 300 is just a film of some guy playing a video game, right?
(Scott) By the way, this bike commercial, that's like watching Chris ride.
(Scott) Except Chris has a bike when he falls.
(Scott) 4:53
(Scott) Vampire Rob Lowe on the move.
(Joe) 04:53:40
(Scott) Whistling "Act Natural"
(Joe) Not suspicious at all.
(Scott) Not carrying a bomb, not carrying a bomb, not carrying a bomb.
(Joe) Who uses micro-cassettes anymore?
(Scott) That is the least smooth thing I've ever seen.
(Joe) Is he sticking it underneath or something.
(Joe) ?
(Joe) That is not smooth.
(Scott) 642 + Ctrl, no . . .
(Scott) Shift f1 + 54?
(Joe) He's the deputy Chief of Staff? Josh Lyman is going to kill the President? Was Wayne Palmer elected?
(Joe) How is this possible?
(Joe) Steam.
(Joe) Pipe.
(Joe) Trunk.
(Joe) Distribution.
(Joe) Venue.
(Scott) Lennox's plan is to make it uncomfortably warm.
(Scott) That is the plan you'd expect from the heating/air guy.
(Scott) I am an elite hacker
(Scott) His tape recorder is bleeding?
(Scott) The Italian guy saves the day.
(Scott) Worst secret service protection . . .
(Joe) Code 5 in Sector 3.
(Scott) Ok, no local news for me tonight. Gotta go.
(Joe) How is anything involving the President not Sector 1. Even so, why is the podium/press area Sector 3? The Oval Bunker should take up a couple of sectors.

2007-02-26T21:46:00.001-05:00

(Joe) Jessica Alba looks like she was punched in the face in that trailer.
(Scott) Verizon wireless is not for people with paranoia issues.
(Joe) That Element looks awesome.
(Scott) Oooh, I need to get a high income so I can qualify for an American Express and watch a special preview for next week's Prison Break
(Scott) Missed the time -- too busy avoiding Jeff Foxworthy's gaze.
(Joe) You mean the missing sectors?
(Joe) "It's not going to be for anyone's benefit if you're covering for him."
(Scott) Morris is missing sectors, but it's because of a file lock.
(Joe) "Your data merge is incomplete."
(Joe) He *meant* to leave out those sectors. They'll be in the final report. Which makes sense when you're trying to stop a terrorist attack.
(Scott) The worst part of Logan's house arrest, the ceiling to ceiling wood paneling.
(Joe) He likes horsies.
(Joe) Psalms 40:2
(Scott) We have no juristiction at the consulate. Our only recourse there are the kill squads we've sent before.
(Scott) While everyone else is trying to save the world, Chloe is in an after-school special.
(Joe) 'Morris has been dead for TEN years!'
(Joe) Jeanne shouldn't have been his sponsor in the first place.
(Joe) Hey, at least *I* didn't arm nuclear weapons for terrorists today.
(Scott) Morris is smooth . . .
(Joe) Vodka, man.
(Scott) I was just using it as aftershave, anyhow . . .
(Joe) "Melinda, have we heard from Tom Lennox?" No. And my name is Steve.
(Joe) Is he picking gnats off his scalp?
(Scott) He was just being a tease all along . . .
(Joe) Wow, sneaking a bomb into the secured bunker of the President sure is a lot of work.
(Scott) After this, highlighters will be banned from the White House. Everyone will just have to underline.
(Scott) 624 Enter.
(Scott) Do I hold Enter down while pressing 624? Or do I do this afterward.
(Joe) The kill radius will be ten feet.

2007-02-26T21:34:00.001-05:00

(Joe) I think the Pixies played EGCG a few times.
(Joe) Actually, no. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_famous_acts_that_have_played_CBGB
(Scott) Really, I'm not so sure that the world is ready for a new Cannonball run.
(Scott) It's not the same without Dom DeLuise.
(Joe) 1988.
(Scott) 4:28
(Joe) 1987.
(Joe) 04:28
(Scott) 1981
(Joe) "Mr. President, the lead is Charles Logan."
(Joe) This could be some maneuver to gain his freedom.
(Scott) Heh, the ex-president needs an executive order to release him
(Scott) Heh, the ex-president needs an executive order to release him, probably in writing
(Joe) Possibly faxed.
(Scott) Holy crap, his watch is HUGE!
(Scott) Or a tracking device
(Scott) Weekend pass?
(Joe) I have a prior relationship with Markov. He helped me out with some Centox we strangely had buried at Van Nuys Airport.
(Joe) 04:31
(Scott) Is he from Jersey or Eastern Europe?
(Joe) There was a vehicle inspection 100 miles away three minutes ago...
(Joe) Okay, after a nuclear attack and a vehicle inspection, they let an unmanned drone get through?
(Scott) Logan and Bauer almost sound like a TV duo.
(Scott) More drama with Morris . . .
(Joe) Logan is the by-the-books boy scout and Bauer is the fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants playboy.
(Scott) And today is Logan's last day before retirement . . .
(Joe) One's thunder, the other -- lightning. Together they're: Thunder and Lightning.
(Joe) 04:34:56
(Scott) Three: One to hold the lightbulb, one to dance around the filaments, and one to talk the bulb so long that it gets bored, turns itself in and calls it a night.